


Daydreams in New York

by ShannynFaucheux



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aka is a makeup artist. fight me., Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, And Paris Hilton, Ao and Aka are married btw, Business, Dealing w chronic pain, Excessive use of Leonard Cohen songs, Fame, Family Drama, Fashion & Couture, Fashion Designer Shiki, Health Issues, LGBTQ Themes, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Me trying to design outfits and try to describe them with my nonexistent English, Model Izaya, Modeling, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Social Media, Wedding, clout chasing, men in makeup, no i will not explain, you-know-I-will-make-them-adopt-Akane-somehow:)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:41:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22591933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShannynFaucheux/pseuds/ShannynFaucheux
Summary: Shiki Haruya; caressing, falling in love with the patterned fabrics he has under his hand and Izaya knows he is absolutely lost inside the process. The lights are off and the desk lamp lays the smile he has bare,and terrifyingly pure against the starry night outside the window.And Izaya understands; that’s just how he breathes.
Relationships: Akabayashi Mizuki/Aozaki Shuu, Orihara Izaya/Shiki Haruya, Past Akabayashi Mizuki/ Shiki Haruya
Comments: 13
Kudos: 11





	1. Daydreams in New York

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a native English speaker but I am trying my best. I hope you enjoy. If you don't like background color, you can go back to default by clicking " Hide Creator's Style "

**Daydreams in New York**

_‘’ Is the second camera ready? And the third one- ‘’_

_‘’ No, no I don’t like it there, drag it backwards a little-‘’_

A twenty-year-old intern runs towards senior crew members; a pen in her one hand, and a blue file sticked to her chest. She is wearing white sneakers which are looking a bit dirty since it has been raining until just now.

_‘’The lights are set-‘’_

‘’- What are you thinking, _Haruya?_ ‘’

_The designer_ opens his eyes to his silhouette on the mirror. Inside the small changing room, the lights fixed to the mirror illuminates the tall, muscular man behind him. He is carrying a black makeup case; hazel eyes fixed to the other’s eyes on the mirror; freshly coloured deep-red hair standing against an age nearing towards fifty. The designer lowers his eyes, smiles, and puts his cigarette off;

He stands up from his chair; ‘’- I was thinking about this.. great makeup-artist, and now a company owner who also happens to be my dear friend-‘’ The two men joins into a hug; ‘’- Welcome back, _Aka_. You got even tanner, was Mykonos nice? ‘’

‘’- Yes, and you’re getting paler and paler each time I see you, that's not the way to go Haru-ko-‘’ _Aka_ drags a chair, they settle across each other. Aka immediately opens the makeup hardcase, takes out few items and couple of brushes. He then pulls out his thick-framed, black glasses out of its case and while cleaning them with a cloth, he peeks to the corner where a baby-blue velvet blazer is hanged on a horizontal hanger; ‘’- Is that the outfit? ‘’

_The designer_ nods, the rest of the outfit is a cream coloured, soft-material shirt, black velvet pants, and a signature dark blue bowtie. He takes and opens the moisturizer Aka extends him to put on, and turns towards the mirror.

Aka puts on his glasses, now he is able to see better. He then points a right hand at the other’s face;‘’- What happened to your skin, don’t you sleep enough? Forget plugging, but at least put the damn products I send you in use, Haruya. Give me back the fine canvas I used to work on-’’ He complains and picks up dark brown and black eye-pencils. He softens the sharp edges of the pencils at the back of his hand, then nears closer to the other;

-‘’ Look up ‘’ The other does as he says and smirks a little as he says;

-‘’ Do you not like painting me anymore, Aka? ‘’

-‘’ You know that’s not what I am saying.’’ The artist smudges the black-brown colour underneath the other’s deep brown eyes, _finely_ ; he likes to bring out his eyes, for others to see the genius he sees in them. A genius, _as of today only twenty-four years of age_ ;

‘’-By the way- ‘’ Aka says, turns to his side and looks inside the black-hardcase for something. The designer sees a midnight-blue jewellery box put in front of him, he unties the satin tie on top of it in a soft move.

‘’- Happy birthday, brilliant man. I hope you like it.’’

It’s a lion shaped, rose-gold earring with the roaring lion’s eyes made from blue azurite. The designer has seen this piece before; couple years ago, at _Madison Avenue_. Aka and him were couple dates more than dear friends back then.

'‘’- I love it, the design is very delicate but daring enough. Thank you ‘’ He says, his eyes pass off the ring on Aka’s left hand and he turns to the mirror. He replaces the earring he’s currently wearing to the gifted one.

As the intern runs from one spot to another, the two men at the backstage mumble each other a calm conversation…

‘’- How is _Ao?_ I haven’t seen him since the _(..) Magazine’s_ party. ‘’ The designer asks.

 _Aozaki_ is Aka’s husband and again, someone _very_ close to him. He is a multi-Michelin starred chef who runs three restaurants in Japan and NYC. A strand of pure white hair slicked back -sometimes tied- with the rest of the black, and a gruff look on his face are known characteristics Ao.

‘’- He is busy. I haven’t seen him yet actually. ‘’ The artist answers while mixing two shades of concealer on a square glass palette. The other lifts a brow up, it’s been two days since Aka came back from Mykonos and he knows Ao hasn’t left the city;

-‘’ I heard he’s opening a fourth restaurant in Milan. ‘’ On that, Aka scratches the side of his nose and works his brush under other’s overworked eyes. It’s understandable, there are four weeks left to the show he’s been working on.

-‘’ Nah.. he passed the idea to someone else. ‘’ Aka says and adds while picking a small, rectangle makeup sponge and pressing littlest bit of powder to set everything in place;

‘’- He wants to adopt a kid and settle down, cut the workload a bit. I mean he is fifty-five, I am almost fifty so I can’t say it’s a bad idea..’’

-‘’ So you avoid seeing him? ‘’ Aka lets a breath out and picks up a hair brush. He parts the other man’s hair to side. He then hates it and ruffles it back to its original, _untouched since 3 a.m._ signature look;

-‘’ I am busy making a nocturnal creature look human again, don’t you see? ‘’

-‘’ See your fucking husband, Akabayashi ‘’

-‘’ Yeah, yeah of course I will.’’ After that, Aka puts most of the make-up items back into the case and they both light a cigarette.

‘’- How is your mother? ‘’ Aka asks, but before the other has a chance to answer, their slow conversation gets cut by the _dirty-sneakers_ intern shyly –but not so shyly- asking if they could take a selfie. They do, and after they’re left alone, the designer turns to the mirror; he also makes a weak attempt to style his hair, but then lets go and leans back in the chair he’s sitting on;

He shakes his head; ‘’- Not good. They’ve had to bring her back to the hospital while I was in a meeting with the brand executives three or four days ago. She’s still there.. ‘’ He takes a drag from the cigarette, then exhales. Aka lowers his eyes and nods ever-so-slightly;

‘’- Are you ready?’’ He asks in deep-felt syllables; ‘’- For the possible end? ‘’

Another drag, another exhale;

‘’- I know.. that she’s not going to get better, not at this point. ‘’ The two men’s eyes meet but the designer turns his head towards the mirror; ‘’- I know. I- ‘’

The interviewer opens the dark blue door;‘’- We’re ready for you Haruya. ‘’

Haruya Shiki looks at her and nods; ‘’- Thank you, give me a second please.’’ She closes the door and leaves, cigarettes get put off. Aka pats a sympathetic hand to his knee and stands up to take the velvet jacket on the hanger. He dresses him in front of the other, tall mirror at the room.

The designer is just off the door when Aka says; ‘’- See you at the party. ‘’

-‘’ What party? ‘’

-‘’ _Your birthday party_. I told your assistant the place, she’ll take you. You don’t worry.’’ The other has no chance to object as he is _politely_ being dragged by the _dirty-sneakers_ intern.

* * *

Haruya Shiki is sitting on a small turquoise couch and the background behind him is a plain, pastel yellow colour. He looks at the female interviewer sitting in front of him. Since this is an interview being filmed for a magazine’s Youtube channel, she’s out of frame.

He relaxes himself and tries to focus on her words;

-‘’ There are only four weeks left to your fourth fashion show here in New York City. How are the preparations going? Tell us more about the new collection. ‘’

-‘’We’re at a point where every day gets busier and I get extremely excited of course. Same with the previous collections I’ve created in partnership with _‘PARAIZO’_ , this fall collection is wearable, somehow mystic, and I have a feeling that people will find the overall colour scheme intriguing; with the addition of two very precious patterns.‘’ Haruya smiles shortly to the camera, some flashes snap to take photos for the magazine’s next issue.

He continues; ‘’- I have to give credit to _PARAIZO’s_ hardworking team here. As far as what is ready, everything turned out just like I envisioned while creating the collection. ‘’

Second question comes after a little cut and adjusting of the main camera;

-‘’ Being the son of the legendary designer _Shiki Reiya_ , you’ve already accomplished so much considering your young age. Do you feel any pressure to surpass your father? ‘'

_Now that is a trick question._ Haruya comes eye-to-eye with Aka watching him standing leaned to the studio’s entrance door. After a little silence that will be cut during the editing, he puts his one leg onto the other, and places his left elbow to the side of the stylish couch. He lifts his chin up, looks directly at the camera;

‘’- No. While I am indebted to my father for _directing_ me into this industry from a very young age, brands offered me to make collections for them only after I studied fashion design and graduated, _proving myself_. ‘’ He then lets a short laugh out to ease the stiff atmosphere.

Meanwhile, Aka lifts a brow up and connects his strong arms on his chest.

He continues; ‘’- _Shiki Reiya_ has always designed specifically for women. I, on the other hand, refuse to carry gender, especially in regards to a piece of clothing. Our stylistic choices are very different, but since he hasn’t retired yet, that makes us rivals. Don’t you think?‘’

Few trivial questions later, the director gives a break. There is a cunning smile on Aka’s lips as he walks towards the designer with a touch-up powder. There is also a brush is sticked to the back pocket of the tight, dark-grey jeans he is wearing;

-‘’ Reiya will be _pissed_ when he hears _that_.’’ He puts his fingers under the other’s chin and prepares to add some touch-up powder; ‘’- Close your eyes ‘’ A brush travels softly on the young skin;

\- ''He hasn’t called my mother once. I don’t even know where he is, but I know he is having the time of his life with his..-‘’ A pause, he hesitates and lowers his voice; ‘’- _exotic_ _male-lovers_ , as he calls them..’’ He then opens his eyes and looks at Aka;

‘’ - Fuck him. He is hurting my mother in _that_ state, and I am done beautifying him in front of the media, Aka.‘’

Akabayashi knows everything, and he doesn’t comment. He looks at the other long and heavy and nods; extending his fingers and sweeping few strands of hair onto the scar near his right brow; _‘’you’re right, Haru-ko. fuck him..’’_

‘’- You’re going great. I am leaving the rest to _Ann_ , okay? See you later. ‘’ With that, Aka leaves the studio and his apprentice Ann takes over.

* * *

_‘’- What inspires you, Haruya? ‘’_

_‘’- Colours. Maybe a streak of dark yellow I see wandering onto the desk I work. A solitude blue or that pale orange of unheard melancholies. You see, there are streaks of over one hundred different shades on just one petal of a dark purple peony. I examine such things carefully. ’’_

_‘’and ah, I really love a brown that looks red under sunlight. ‘’_

_Few hours after sunset_ , the designer is in a dark grey blazer jacket and a thin, black V-neck sweater. He hears his _assistant’s_ knock on the rosewood door behind him while zipping up his dark colour, skinny fit jeans; ‘’- The _Uber_ is waiting outside, Haruya-san. ‘’

He extends his hand to take his black overcoat; ‘’- Drop the _‘san’_ and come inside _Aiki_ , let me see if the dress fit properly. ‘’ The door opens, _Aiki Nakamura_ comes inside with a light pink dress designed for the upcoming show.

The designer’s eyes miss the giftbox in her hand as he quickly walks her in front of the mirror; ‘’- Well, of course it looks perfect when the person who is wearing it also is.’’ He compliments her, they smile at each other through the mirror.

Growing up with him as the foster daughter of _Shiki Himekami_ , Haruya’s mother; Aiki is used to the characteristic haste in Haruya’s movements as he adjusts the sleeves of the embroidered fabric and the frill detail at the hem of the dress. Finally he adds, looking at his wrist-watch;

‘’- I want to visit mother first actually. What do you think, can we do that? ‘’

‘’- Um _.. Haruya_ -‘’ She starts, a little hesitant as she lifts up the rectangle giftbox and extends it to the other’s hands; ‘’- About that; Himekami-san asked me to give this to you. She told me to tell you to not worry about her, and have fun tonight. ‘’

Haruya’s moves are lighter all of a sudden, as he feels the texture of the black velvet material of the box on the tip of his fingertips. He then fetches the calligraphy paper inside. ‘’ _ah haru haru, ōinaru kana haru, to un un…_ ’’ It reads, Haruya chuckles. The gift is a pair of matte-black sunglasses. He tries them on, likes it.

He hears Aiki saying; ‘’- I picked the style on her request. It is not so different from the one you lost few weeks ago. I hope you like it- ‘’ She then leans into a small bow, making her burnt orange hair cloak her shoulders; ‘’- Happy birthday, Haruya. I will be right by your side as long as you want me.‘’

A little clank as Haruya puts the sunglasses onto the antique-rosewood desk and turns to her; ‘’- What kind of a sentence is that, Aiki? ‘’

The sky seen from the half-open curtains is dark and embezzled with stars. Haruya’s light, syrupy perfume wraps Aiki, along with his arms; ‘’- You’re my _sister_ ; who calls me stupid and kicks me back into work every time my poor gay heart gets broken by pretty boys. But still preventing me from accidentally working myself to death, because God knows I can...’’

His next sentences are whispered, Aiki hears them break off through the night wind. They scatter gently in the rhythm of his hand brushing her hair;

 _‘’- It must be hard for you too-_ ‘’ He closes his eyes; ‘’- _But thank you for not letting me go through this alone. Because I couldn’t..-_ ’’ Words get stuck in his throat;

_‘’- My mother is slipping away from my hands, and I cannot do anything. This inevitability is so confusing to me, Aiki..‘’_

A moment later, a small voice is heard, as shaky as Haruya’s;

-‘’ Don’t me make cry. We don’t have time to re-do makeup.‘’ A sniff.

-‘’ Same. Aka wouldn’t forgive me if I cried off his unreleased eye pencils and didn’t plug his brand in pictures.’’ The two hopelessly laugh at themselves then.

But they have to pull themselves together quickly. So they do and leave the _famous red-brick building_ ; few wannabe paparazzi’s flash goes off as they get into the arranged vehicle.

* * *

_‘’- You define your overall brand as ‘gender-neutral clothing’. What does that mean? ‘’_

_‘’- A dress, a suit or a skirt I design; I say all of them are ‘gender-neutral’. If someone wears them in the perception that they are women’s or men’s clothes, that’s absolutely fine too. I call them ‘gender-neutral’, because I believe a piece of fabric cannot have a gender. For me it is a matter of logic before it is a political statement of any sorts…‘’_

Aka greets them in front of the club. He runs past the two intimidating bodyguards at the entrance and hugs Aiki; ‘’- You’re beaming and beautiful as always. Thanks for being my partner in crime. ‘’

Then catching Haruya’s arm, he immediately starts dragging him inside; ‘’- Now, I’ll steal our brilliant boy for tonight, so I want you to enjoy yourself thoroughly, Aiki-ko. ‘’

-‘’ _Why are you pushing me_ \- ‘’ Before they walk into the dancing purple lights, Aka stops him somewhere they can’t be seen just for now. He looks at the other’s outfit, then face. He lets out an exaggerated breath of relief while fixing the creases on Haruya’s jacket;

-‘’ Good. _Nice._ I am glad you didn’t show up with one of those bowties- ‘’ He puts his chin under his few fingers and lifts his face up ‘’- Have you cried?’’ The other’s brows furrow as he wriggles away from the makeup items Aka all of a sudden takes out of his jacket pocket;

-‘’ What is wrong with bowties?-‘’ He takes a step to the side, but the brushes follow; ‘’-Besides, who is the fashion designer here? ‘’ Finally he resigns and a humble amount of highlighter is put onto his high cheekbones;

-‘’ You _design_. Doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to dress for the ocassion. ‘’

-‘’ Leave my bowties alone, Aka. ‘’

They’re inside. The atmosphere and the music are slowed down for Haruya to give a small speech and officially start the night. He is not very good at that. He bites his lip and travels his eyes around the place.

Among the people standing leaned to long, circular tables, he sees Aka and Ao side to side, wearing the same style of suit but in different colours, their pocket squares bright red;

He speaks in English; ‘’- I see my friends, colleagues and my team here-‘’ He turns his head to left and points at PARAIZO’s five-person team; ‘’- You guys truly worked hard for our _FALL 2020_ collection for _PARAIZO_. People who worked with me in the past always say that it is not easy to keep up with my pace, my strong sense of ethic and especially my stubbornness while creating- ‘’ Some laughs, people really close to him agree by nodding their heads; ‘’- So please have fun tonight. You deserved it. ‘’

He then sends a look towards the three young faces at one corner; _Lin, Natsuki_ and _Huzzam_ , graduates of _New York School of Design_ selected by Haruya himself to train under him until hopefully they make a name for themselves; ‘’- You three will be at the _atelier_ at eight o’clock as always. So arrange your alcohol consumption according to that. ‘’

Finally, he slicks his hair backwards, his hand stops at the back of his neck. He lowers his eyes a little;

‘’- I’ve.. had a quite lonely childhood back in Japan. And now, here in United States, in our beautiful and very gloomy New York City; _I want you all to know that I know the value of your presence here tonight_. Thank you.’’ For some reason he gives a bow, and just before the purple lights continue to dance and the music is back on, someone yells;

‘’- Tell us the name of the collection, Haruya. ‘’ It’s Aka’s voice.

He doesn’t turn down his friend’s request; ‘’- It’s ‘ _’ Eden no Sono ‘’_. For those who doesn’t speak Japanese, it means ‘ _’ Garden of Eden ‘’_. The name is a sarcasm towards the overall androgynous _or_ genderless nature of clothing. How a piece of fabric you put on your _special place_ probably didn’t have an assigned gender to it in the beginning..-’’

‘’- _Yves Saint Laurent_ foresaw a revolution in the fashion industry of his time, and that’s why he is a legend today. This collection, will be what _I_ see. ‘’ With that, the drinks are lifted, a remix of _‘Summertime Sadness’_ bursts out of speakers, and the night starts.

* * *

This night feels like a stream, it is certainly a sensory overload to him for he is slightly sensitive to this much light and sound. He is conspiring to sneak out to get some fresh air when one moment Ao’s hand is on his one shoulder and the other, he is quietly being walked upstairs to a VIP room.

Aozaki closes the fancy black door, leans his heavy built to it and then rubs his eyes. Before talking, he lifts his index finger up to the younger one’s face; ‘’- I told him, and I am quoting word-to-word here _; ‘Wouldn’t it be nice if we settled down and maybe then we can think about adopting a kid, huh, Mizuki?’_ and he freaked out. He, _completely freaked out_ , _and then flew to an another continent,_ Haruya. Can you believe this man? ‘’

‘’-Oh-‘’ The other says, brows lifting up; ‘’- and here I was asking myself why he chose a cosmetics laboratory in Mykonos..-‘’ He nods his head and scratches the side of his lip; ‘’-He didn’t. He went there to.. _I see_.’’

\- ‘’ But you know more than me, he’s still carrying the issues from his childhood. He might not be ready to take the responsibility of a child. He might never be, and maybe he doesn’t know how to tell you, Ao. ‘’

\- ‘’ Yeah you all are scarred because of your piece of shit parents. Believe me, _I know_. ‘’ Aozaki says, rather unemphatically. Haruya, however, isn’t offended. He leans his back to the dark grey wall and watches quietly as Aozaki takes out his package of cigarettes and looks around for a lighter. He extends him his lighter;

\- ‘’Don’t you have _your_ issues? ‘’ Lit cigarette stuck to his mouth, Aozaki opens his hands while walking to open the window;

-‘’ My father, God rests his soul, would beat me every time I cut a damn vegetable wrong way. So what? I learned, and now I have three Michelin-starred restaurants. That’s all, one gets over it in time. ‘’ When he turns, he sees Haruya watching the floor. He shrugs, there is a bitter, a sad smile at the side of his lips;

-‘’ I guess not all of us could get over it, Ao. ‘’

It is then Aozaki asks, his attitude softening; ‘’- _Is there truly no hope for Himekami,_ Haruya _?_ ‘’

_Their eyes meet, and the nod the young one gives him; shakier than sakura leaves in spring; as if his one nod is the seal, to end it all, to once again confirm the transience of life; and isn’t that what sakura does as it falls?_

The older man sighs and opens his arms to his sides, and moves his fingers in invitation; ‘’- Come. ‘’ He hugs the young man, and then turns him to see the starry black night outside; ‘’- Breathe. Deep, Haruya, you’ll need it. ‘’

His one arm is on his shoulders as a conversation is whispered to the night wind;

-‘’ The first time I saw her, three of you actually, was at the restaurant in Japan. How old were you then; thirteen, fourteen? ‘’ He looks at him.

-‘’ Thirteen. ‘’ Haruya answers, remembering. The chandeliers, gold and yellow everywhere, something too white and his mother’s red dress-

-‘’ A red dress. And I cannot forget the way she carried herself. In such nobility, every step..-‘’ He lets out a sigh; ‘’- Reiya was at the height of his fame back then. She was so beautiful, and Reiya was so fucking handsome- ‘’

He brings his cigarette to his lips and takes the smoke in, his eyes focused to the sky; ‘’- But that was before I knew what a fucking bastard your father is..’’ He shakes his head a little, his deep voice lower into a murmur; _‘’ Marrying that graceful woman only to hide his homosexuality from the press.. I don’t even have any words to say to that. ‘’_

‘’- But your mother is honestly one of the few people I am glad to have the chance to be friends with.. ‘’

The other starts talking after a silence; ‘’- Do you know what _he_ says to me? ‘‘ _This is how it was back then, you couldn’t run around with your man at your arm, Haruya..‘’_ Aozaki closes his eyes; what Reiya said is true. But he doesn’t have the heart to tell that to this twenty-four-year-old genius.

‘’- My mother knew. He said if she had any problems with this marriage, she would’ve divorced him by now. And _.. fuck-‘’_ His voice trembles, pearls spill onto the marble that is his skin. He lowers his head and wipes them off; ‘’- And it is true. God damn it-‘'

He looks at him; ‘’- She loves him so much, Aozaki. I am twenty four years old today, I’ve lived through the lie that is my family. But I cannot shake her and say how unfair this is to her. Because she loves him, and she always will. ‘’

His tears are spilling in thin streams onto Aozaki’s one shoulder when Akabayashi _breaks into_ the room;

‘’- Oh aren’t you eager to test the lastingness of those eye pencils today? ‘’ He looks at his husband a little sternly; ‘’- Why are you making him cry? ‘’

Aozaki sends an annoyed look to his side while Aka continues; ‘’- Ann just introduced me to a model. He is Japanese, will settle here to work with _(..)_ agency. You know, the agency working with androgynous models. His name is _Izaya_ , and he _really_ wants to meet you. I thought you wouldn’t turn him down. ‘’ He sends a look to Ao as in _‘’ calm him down’’'_ ;

‘’- I am waiting downstairs. ‘’

He leaves, Haruya huffs a small laugh; ‘’- He is drunk..’’

‘’- Of course he is. ‘’ Aozaki adds quietly. He then takes the young man in front of him and wipes his face free of tears. ‘’- Okay, here. ‘’ He hands him an another rectangular black gift box, smaller than the previous one.

When Haruya opens it, he sees the midnight blue silk-satin bow tie inside. His mood is visibly lifted as he closely examines the gold detailing at the corners of the bow tie.

Aozaki puts off his cigarette and prepares to leave; ‘’- I have things to do in the morning, so I’ll go home. Don’t let _him_ drink too much. If you could call me when he’s ready to go, I’ll come pick him up. ‘’ Haruya nods to that.

Just as his hand touches the handle, Ao turns and calls his name, so he looks at him. But then the elder man lifts a finger towards the open window, pointing at the dark sky;

‘’- Breathe, Haruya. _Deeply, my child._ ‘’

He doesn’t wish him a happy birthday, just blinks a considerate eye at him and leaves.

The twenty-four-year-old fashion designer does as he told him. Crowded echo of the club music something melancholic behind his shoulders, he walks closer to the window. Closing his bright brown eyes, he takes a deep breath in..

And lets it out.

_‘’Let’s go meet this androgynous model then.. ‘’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * '' ah haru haru / ōinaru kana haru / to un nun '' is a Matsuo basho haiku; ''ah spring spring / how great is spring! / and so on'' ( trans. Jane Reichhold)
> 
> Akabayashi owns a makeup company btw just to be clear. The next chapter is already written and I am onto the third.
> 
> Tumblr; whitecircusbird


	2. At the Chelsea Hotel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> '' Suit and tie with the black jeans on and I'm paralyzed  
> 'Cause I think you got something like the biggest soul I've ever seen- ''  
> Tash Sultana, Jungle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This looked way better when I first wrote it a week ago. Maybe it's just that I read it far too many times during editing :') I am halfway through writing the third chapter but uni has started and I already cried myself to sleep from the second day so there is that idk.  
> Hope u enjoy

**Chapter 2 –**

**At the Chelsea Hotel**

_‘’ And, what is your motivation, Haruya? ‘’_

_‘’ Art. Unfortunately, I am not an ambitious designer;_ _I never had the goal to become a big name in the scene. I just want to create, that is how I express myself-‘’ The man laughs, it is a naturally charismatic laugh; ‘’- It comes handy at times when my nature lacks ways of expression.’’_

A while later, Aka sees the designer walking past the crowd. He discreetly leans to the model’s ear next to him; ‘’- He’s here. He’s way shyer than he looks, and might appear _eccentric_ at times. That's all you need to know.‘’

‘’- Welcome back Haruya. This is _Orihara Izaya_. Did you know that he’s scheduled to be in your editorial shoot for _(…)_ magazine? _Kemal_ has such an eye, this is going to be a _sensational_ photoshoot. ‘’

Before Haruya has the chance to take in the model’s features, two _‘’yoroshiku onegai shimasu’’_ are exchanged. First, the model appears taller than him, but when they bow, the designer sees the four inch, black _Louis Vuitton_ stilettos on other’s feet, paired with a skinny black jean;

-‘’ Well, rest in peace to your ankles for tonight- ‘’ He points a finger at the patent leather shoe while straightening up from the bow; ‘’- I know those are never comfortable. ‘’

They then come face to face-

Orihara Izaya is wearing a bold, cherry lipstick. Eyes are witty in expression, and lips certainly confident. _This person knows he is beyond the adjectives handsome or beautiful._ _Let alone that, he is beyond men and women._ Or so Haruya thinks, a little fascinated, he takes the whatever drink Aka sticks to his hand and drinks all in one lift. Finally he is able to say;

‘’- Welcome to New York. ‘’

Orihara Izaya’s hands are inside the pockets of the black leather jacket he is wearing. He’s swaying a little, though he’s not drunk; he’s swaying to the music, like a siren hypnotising its lover.

He accepts the welcome with a nod of his head, and few wandering pieces of shiny black hair falls towards to his eyes; ‘’- I really wanted to meet you. We were still going to meet at _Kemal-san_ ’s photoshoot but I got impatient I guess.. Thank you for not turning me down. ‘’

Haruya lifts a brow in a surprised manner then; ‘’- Oh. I am I hearing an _Osaka accent?_ May I ask where are you from? ‘’

On that, the model is just as surprised; ‘’- I never got around to completely fix it, but you heard it in all this noise? You must have sharp ears, Haruya-san. ‘’ He adds, nodding and taking a step towards him to lean in his ear. Citrus notes of the perfume on his neck work intoxicatingly to fill the other's senses; ‘’- I grew up in a small town near Osaka. ‘’

The music ends for a second as a new track is selected. Izaya observes Haruya Shiki’s tendency to time to time escape his eyes and focus on different things around, he looks as if he cannot stop some things going inside his brain; ‘’- I’m.. sensitive to sound ‘’ He finally says.

A catchy song called _'' Jungle ''_ starts playing. Aka _lands_ his hands down onto Haruya’s shoulders, slightly scaring him; ‘’- And that’s why we should go outside. Let’s get some fresh air, huh? ‘’

‘’- Why not? ‘’

Orihara Izaya in front of them, the trio starts walking towards the exit. There is a wave of laughter at one of the tables they pass, the fashion designer turns and says something towards Aka’s ear; ‘’- Is he even real Aka? ‘’

‘ _’- Riight?’’_

After a small talk and three cigarettes, Aka finds an excuse to go back inside and leaves them alone.

The cold _stings_ , making Haruya shiver a little. He takes out his phone and sees the hour has come to two in the night. He puts the phone back into his overcoat’s pocket, along with his hands and looks at Orihara Izaya leaned onto his own phone and scrolling down _Instagram_.

He turns his head and looks around.

Streets of New York City are never empty; people are walking towards taxi and Uber’s waiting by the pavements, street vendors and cats are fumbling around while streetlights illuminate them into warm yellow..

‘’- Why don’t we go over there? ‘’ He points the empty bench near the entrance of the club.

Once they are settled, he picks up the conversation from where they left;

‘’- I think gossip and backstabbing are far more dangerous in the industry than alcohol and drugs, if you know what you want to do. Just do your thing with _integrity_ , and I have a feeling..- ‘’ They come eye-to-eye; ‘’- That you’ll shake the scene in no time. I am sincere in my words, Orihara-san.‘’

Haruya once again looks somewhere else, but Izaya’s eyes refuse to leave the other’s elegant lines wary of appearing charismatic as if it is a sin. He thinks he is a really sweet man, and doesn’t immediately catch why he feels so;

‘’- Integrity..’’ He says, turning the syllables in his mouth as if they are candies; ‘’- You’re right, Haruya-san. It’s been four days since I came here but I’ve heard _a lot._ Everybody is talking, everybody’s bad-mouthing each other. However-’’ He places his elbows onto his upper legs and leans in, catching and trapping the other’s gaze;

‘’- You’re loved, at least respected by everyone I’ve met so far. How did you do that? Your models especially, they adore you.‘’ He lifts his brows and a wondrous smile spreads onto his lips;

‘’- They told me that at the backstage, just before they walk on the runway in your clothes, you hold your hands and tell them things like '' _you’re beautiful’’, ‘’ you’re enough’’ or ‘’you’re strong’’._ One by one, in their language. Is that true? ‘’

Instead of an affirmation or a humble shake of head, ‘’- _You have pretty eyes_. ‘’ comes all of a sudden. Izaya chuckles;

-‘’ Thanks, you too. ‘’

-‘’ I would really want to see them under sunlight. ‘’ Already forgotten about what they were talking just now, Haruya looks up at the streetlight; ‘’- But there are still few hours to morning. ‘’

And then a silence falls between them where the designer realizes his slip; ‘’- Sorry, _yes_. My models are really important to me, if they’re not comfortable being in my clothes for one minute on the runway, then how can I expect other people to be so? I treat them like they're my family-‘’ He then changes,

''- They _are_ my family actually, I grew up in between bunch of models. '' He vaguely remembers himself, seven or eight years old, hiding behind folding screens at the backstage of his father's collection premieres. How fascinated he was with the models' luscious skins, lip brushes being rubbed onto pretty colours. And the models smiling at him, caressing his hair as they pass in their elegant robes and high heels. He remembers himself looking at his father who was looking straight into the eyes of the model he was fixing her necklace, and the model knew she was going to carry the design like it was the best thing in the world.

_His father sees him, and the boy draws back-_

_''- What a beautiful family you have there then..''_ Izaya quietly adds. 

After a while; a tall, young man comes towards the bench they are sitting at. He has curly dark brown hair, tan skin and a long nose, making him look like a Pharaoh. He gives a nod of his head to the model as a salutation before turning to the designer; ‘’- I’ll go with the girls in the Uber. Happy birthday once again, and see you in the morning, chief. ‘’

Haruya crosses his leg and looks at him; ‘’- Thank you, Huzzam. Arrive safely. ‘’ He also leans back in the bench and waves a hand at rest of his trainees waiting by a white _Citroen._

Izaya asks a question before the male trainee leaves;

‘’- Sorry we haven’t met but.. What is the meaning of your name, it sounds very cool. ‘’ On that, Huzzam extends a hand and they exchange names. Izaya learns that he is Armenian. He answers the question right after;

‘’- Huzzam means _’’deep melancholy’’_. However, whether the name comes from Arabic or Persian isn’t clear, as far as my mother told me. ‘’

Izaya sighs after him; _‘’- Only if you were gay..’’_ Haruya huffs a silent laugh on that;

-‘’ Where are you staying at, maybe we can share an Uber too. ‘’

-‘’ I _pressured_ my agency into renting me a room from that famous _Chelsea Hotel_ until I find an apartment. So I’ve been staying there. ‘’ The model answers, making Haruya turn his head and look at him in surprise;

 _-‘’ I am staying there too-‘’_ But then a foreign voice joins into their conversation;

It’s a man in his middle thirties, wearing a grey hoodie that covers most of his face. Someone who Izaya would be wary of. He extends a magazine to the designer’s direction; ‘’- _Haruya Shiki?-‘_ ’ He says in a heavy American accent; ‘’- Can I have an autograph? I am a big fan of your works. ‘’

It is a rather old magazine that has him on the cover. Haruya takes the marker the man extends him and signs the magazine without asking anything. After that, the man mumbles a _‘’thank you’’_ and gets lost inside the darkness he has appeared from.

They decide to wait their to-be-shared vehicle inside and stand up to walk back to the club;

-‘’ Fans are everywhere huh? ‘’ Izaya points out. Haruya shakes his head;

-‘’ He’s not a fan. He’ll sell the magazine on _ebay_. ‘’

-‘’ Then why did you give him your autograph? ‘’ On that, the designer sends him a rather mischievous look;

_‘’- I like to see the value of my name. ‘’_ They are just at the entrance, Izaya bursts a laugh;

‘’- Nah.. that’s not you, Haruya-san.’’

Haruya stops at the side and points a hand inside for the other to go ahead first; ‘’- No one can know me more than I know myself. ‘’

Their lift arrives after Aozaki has his horribly drunk husband, and Aiki in his _Tesla_. After that, it is past three and Orihara Izaya is next to him at the backseat, carefully wiping off his lipstick. Under the lifeless cabin light of the car, he winks an eye at him while applying a lipbalm after.

He turns the light off when he is finished, and he is now a dark silhouette cutting the yellow-fluorescent flow seen from the car window.

* * *

Design-wise crowded hallways of the _Hotel Chelsea_ are quiet. They don’t exchange any words, and as if a prophecy is telling them what to do, they directly walk to Haruya’s room. Once the rosewood door is shut closed, Orihara Izaya has the designer cornered against a honey-coloured wall. They kiss, and he is smirking; his hand is on Haruya’s right shoulder, then neck, then tugging at the lapel of dark grey blazer-

Haruya puts his hand on top of his; ‘’- Tell me _, Izaya_ , what is your intention? ‘’ Sudden drop of the honorific takes the model aback for a moment. Then he withdraws his hand back, and sends him a look of lust under his lashes; ‘’- You’re very sweet, and I am new around here. I thought we could have some fun for few weeks-‘’ He is done unbuttoning his own shirt when he says _;_

_‘’- and you’d give me some clout, huh?’’_

Haruya smiles and lowers his eyes, _‘’ At least he is honest. ‘’_ He thinks while looking at the various tattoos on the model’s upper body; small but detailed seagulls, a rather minimalistic moon and sakura branches on his left arm, _a narcissus flower going down from his right pelvis_ … Which, Haruya extends his fingers towards;

 _‘’- How brave, how sweet. ‘’_ He says, and then his breath is right on Izaya’s one ear;

‘’- _But Izaya, many people who had the same intentions as you, fell in love with me in the end. ‘’_

And Haruya takes off his blazer and sweater. Holding his hand by the fingertips, he takes the model to the antique bed, and the model follows him onto the satin, dark turquoise bedding; ‘’- I don’t know you, and I _need to_ get used to your touch before we do it. I hope I am able to express myself.‘’ His back sticks to the black, floral carved wood headboard, and the other is in between his legs, in awe and enchant; ‘’- So, I need you to touch-‘’

\- _'' Softly? ‘’_ Izaya asks, putting his fingertips onto the other’s right cheekbone, staining them with silvery highlighter.

 _-‘’ Softly_ , _Orihara Izaya. ‘’_

Everything is a mirror then. Wherever one of them explores, in delicate sliding of hands, the other follows; on the carotid, to the bones, the eyelids and lips. They kiss. The hair; Izaya’s, slightly longer towards the ears like a fringe and Haruya’s, messy like an uncontrollable child.

They both have jeans that are a pain to take off; ‘’- Will you bottom? ‘’ Izaya whispers to Haruya’s ear while tugging at his jeans and sliding it until his knees. ‘’- I would. But I haven’t done _it_ for a while, I’d have to douche first. ‘’ The other answers. Izaya nods, once the jean is dangled onto floor, he switches their positions; ‘’- I’ll bottom then. ‘’

Haruya is a genius fashion designer, he knows how to touch to a _fabric_. He swiftly takes Izaya’s skinny black jeans off, and once everything is off; The bodies quietly admiring each other, an unconventional peek at the Garden of Eden.

Those bright brown orbs have calm mornings, the sea under grey clouds, _a divine figure inside them_. Izaya lifts his hands up to his torso, _a narcissus wouldn’t understand the need to worship_ , and he doesn’t. He just _wants him_ , _he wants him so much._

Haruya is assured to his touch, and so, he lifts the model’s hands on his torso to his lips and kisses his fingertips, thanking him for _understanding_ this, beautifully. Finally, he reaches for the turquoise painted drawer to fetch whatever is necessary from there.

Izaya’s one knee is somewhere at Haruya’s back, his eyes closed in pleasure. He closes the back of his left hand onto his mouth and muffles some moans in the middle of his throat. Haruya’s fingers on his left hand are inside him, he puts his right hand onto the satin bedsheet to balance himself while lowering his lips to the _narcissus tattoo_ among sparse hair down there.

_Then down-_

It takes a few tries until they find a position that they are both comfortable in. And the _movement_ is simple, it is naked and ancient; in the heart of the nature, it is full of love.

And Izaya understands, as Haruya chuckles at his ear just when everything is still and over-

_why everyone falls in love with him in the end._

* * *

Haruya is lying on his torso, he is observing the other’s tattoos. His hair is falling onto his arms which he has crossed under his head; ‘’- I want to get a tattoo too. But I don’t know what to get. ‘’ He mumbles.

From where he is leaned to the bedhead, Izaya attempts to extend his one hand onto Haruya’s right shoulder-blade. Just when his fingertips land onto the skin, the other moves his shoulder a little. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be touched, Izaya observes, it is more of a tic, an involuntary pattern which he also sees in the way he blinks sometimes like there is something in his eyes.

But he quickly relaxes and Izaya draws a line of touch down to his spine; ‘’- Something here would be cute. _A mimosa flower, maybe._ ‘’ Then he asks something as his fingers are tangled into his hair;

-‘’ Ne.. Who taught you how to _act_ in front of camera? ‘’ The answer comes immediately.

-‘’ Aozaki. ‘’ He says and adds; ‘’- Aozaki taught me everything. ‘’ A silence later, he lifts his head up to him; ‘’- But you don’t know Aozaki. ‘’

-‘’ I’ve met him through his husband actually. We had a brief conversation. ‘’ He adds hesitantly; ‘’- He didn’t strike me as a patient person who could.. teach. ‘’

The other sits onto his knees and points at the cigarette package and the silver lighter at Izaya’s side. There is a naughty smile on his lips as says; ‘’- Aka has a tattoo on his back. Like the ones in old gangster movies. ‘’

Izaya places the cigarette in between the other’s lips, and lights it; ‘’- Is that so? ‘’ Haruya nods while taking a drag and exhaling it. He lifts his index finger to the lighter; ‘’- I like your lighter, may I look at it? ‘’

‘’ – Of course. ‘’

It is a sterling silver lighter with ornate detailing on it. Certainly vintage. After examining it and lifting it up under the chandelier’s light, the designer says; ‘’- May I keep this? ‘’

Izaya smirks, his eyes are on the screen of his phone, looking through _Instagram_ pictures taken tonight at Haruya’s birthday celebration; ‘’- Only if you give me yours. ‘’ He thinks the other wouldn’t take him seriously, but after a shuffle of clothes, a rose-gold, 1970’s _Cartier_ lighter is put onto his palm.

Leaving the phone on his lap, Izaya drags an impressed whistle and lights a cigarette for himself too, with the lighter; ‘’- Okay then. ‘’

Haruya turns and puts a black ashtray in between them.

There is a slight hunch in the way he sits;

‘’- Aozaki is a very kind person. ‘’ He says; ‘’ - _He’s been helping me ever since I was a teenager. ‘’_

Meanwhile, detailing on the lighter is reflecting into his mind in the form of a complex headpiece; gemstone decorated thin, silver branches spilling onto long, chocolate brown hair that is pulled back...

Izaya puts his clothes back on, then sits next to him; ‘’- I’ll go take a shower and change. May I come back here after? We’d do a breakfast in the morning, and that way, you can see how my eyes look under sunlight. ‘’

‘’- Of course. ‘’

When the model comes back into the lavishly designed room, he finds the designer at his desk, staring at the peach on a white plate next to him; its kernel extracted and dark pink, a slice is cut and waiting to be eaten. The model walks to it and leaning to the desk, he drops the slice into his mouth.

‘’- You just can’t stop working, don’t you? ‘’

There is a pencil in Haruya’s hand and dozens of fashion sketches spread in front of him. Few drops of water are swinging at the ends of his hair before they inevitably fall onto the towel around his neck. He looks at him when Izaya caresses the scar on his right brow;

‘’- Nee.. how did this happen? ‘’

The designer’s eyes trail off to _the memory_ before he unravels it to the other after a complete silence;

 _A_ _decades old family mansion looking at an ornate garden, few butterflies flying off of blue flowers and hard rays of sunshine…_ ;

‘’- It was summer and was scorching hot in _Hiroshima._ I think I was nine or ten.. I remember trying to get my mother’s attention for something- ‘’ His eyebrows knit a little; ‘’- Then I got dizzy and fell, hitting my forehead to one of the rock corners inside the garden. ‘’ Izaya cringes a little at the last sentence.

-‘’ Doctors told my mother that I wouldn’t make it- ‘’ He gives a small shrug; ‘’- But here I am. ‘’

-‘’ It’s not obvious from afar. ‘’ Izaya assures him, putting a quick kiss onto the scar and ending the stream of memories like a prince in a myth. Haruya smiles and lifting his hand, brings down few strands of hair onto where the other just kissed.

Five o clock into the night, Orihara Izaya is once again leaned back to the black, flower carved headboard of the bed; this time watching the _genesis_ of the ground-breaking designs, the genius boy of today’s fashion industry; Shiki Haruya.

Shiki Haruya; caressing, _falling in love_ with the patterned fabrics he has under his hand and Izaya knows he is absolutely lost inside the process. The lights are off and the desk lamp lays the smile he has bare,

and terrifyingly _pure_ against the starry night outside the window.

And Izaya understands; _that’s just how he breathes._

* * *

At seven in the morning, Aiki comes into the room with a cup of freshly brewed coffee. She sees the designer fallen asleep at his desk, and a pair of unfamiliar eyes watching him. By the time she recognizes the model from last night, Haruya lifts his head up from his desk;

_-‘’ Ohayo. ‘’_ On that, Aiki gives a little bow;

 _-‘’ Ohayo gozaimasu. ‘’_ She then puts the coffee next to the other.

-‘’ _Arigatou na_ -‘’ While taking a sip, Haruya turns to the model behind him at the bed; whose upper body is bare and lips smirking;

-‘’ You were still working when I woke up and, let me see- ‘’ He says and looks at the screen of his phone; ‘’- You’ve been sleeping for precisely thirty-eight minutes. Are you human? ‘’

-‘’ Well isn’t that a record? ‘’ Haruya let’s a laugh out and looks at Aiki;

‘’- This is Orihara Izaya. And _Izaya_ , this is my sister whom I grew up with since I came to the U.S- ‘’ He stands up, half the coffee is already gone; ‘’- Though for some reason she is persistent on acting like my assistant and using formal language. ‘’ He pulls out few specific clothes from the hanger inside the antique wardrobe and takes the direction of the lavatory to wash his face and dress; leaving the two alone.

_-‘’ Nakamura Aiki to moushimasu. ‘’_ Aiki once again introduces herself using a formal Japanese. She gives a bow which, Izaya replies back from where he’s sitting;

 _-‘’ Yoroshiku onegai shimasu Nakamura-san-‘’_ While stretching his arms out, he adds; ‘’- I see you two have a lovely relationship. ‘’

-‘’ That is to be expected, I was twelve and he was fourteen when we met. ‘’ She adds, somewhat proudly; ‘’- I am the foster daughter of his mother, Shiki Himekami-san. ‘’

-‘’ I see.. a _companion_ to a teenager just brought to an entirely new country. A playmate maybe? ‘’ She lifts a brow up on that comment, but doesn’t really let her feelings out;

-‘’ Yes. I also taught him English. But it would be to your advantage if you didn’t get the impression that there is all to it. ‘’

The other dangles his legs down from the bed and puts his V-neck pyjama top back on; ‘’- Oh I am sure. Please forgive my rudeness, that is just how I get to know people, Nakamura-san. ‘’

‘’- It is forgiven. ‘’ Aiki turns to the sketches on the desk and separates few leaves from each other to see them better; ‘’- Haruya wouldn’t forgive _that_ _sentence,_ though _. ‘’_ She mumbles and sends the quietest look to the other under her lashes.

-‘’ The tailor will send the jackets today, you can see them after breakfast- ‘’ Aiki starts giving today’s agenda after Haruya is out wearing a black shirt, a knitted midnight blue cardigan, and the bowtie he received as a gift yesterday; ‘’- The interview you gave yesterday will be online at afternoon, and I need you to sign these papers- ‘’ After that, she leaves;

-‘’ See you after breakfast. ‘’

The designer turns his head and looks at Orihara Izaya lazily looking at his phone; ‘’- We have less than forty minutes if you want us to do breakfast together. ‘’

On that, the model runs out of the room to get dressed in his room a floor down.

* * *

While choosing the outfit to wear for the Instagram picture he is planning to take during the breakfast, the model hears a knock on his door. He walks to the door and opens it.

It is Nakamura Aiki, with a red blouse, beige pants and stapled sheets of paper under a pen, which she extends up to him; ‘’- I need you to sign these. ‘’

The model lifts a brow up and takes the papers to look into them; ‘’- Oh, and what is this? ‘’

‘’- It’s an _NDA._ ‘’ Aiki says and adds; ‘’- Don’t worry, it will not prevent you from anything you want to achieve. It’s for _the after. ‘_ ’

Examining the contents inside the non-disclosure agreement, Izaya sees what he can and _cannot_ reveal to the third parties -meaning the media- during and after his relationship to Shiki Haruya;

-‘’ Tell me Nakamura-san, does Haruya know about this? ‘’

-‘’ No. However, after certain peoples backstabs and so-called _exposé_ threats, I took the initiative to prepare these. ‘’ She doesn’t reveal that this was Shiki Himekami’s idea and lifts the pen to his face; ‘’- So, will you sign it, Orihara-san? ‘’

He doesn’t have anything to lose here. Izaya signs the NDA, and while giving the papers back to her, he looks at her carefully; ‘’- I observed that your brother puts great importance to trust. I wonder what would happen if he learned about these. ‘’

While controlling the papers, Aiki’s reply is clear, cutting through the atmosphere like a sword;

‘’- I am not here for him to trust me. I am here so that his heart doesn’t get broken over and over by _bunch of handsome clout chasers_. ‘’ Izaya nods slowly, taking the note;

‘’- I can't find it in myself to hurt a man _like him_. I mean.. there is something very childlike to his soul, don't you think? ‘’

‘’- _Fame turns people into cruel monsters_ , and that’s _my_ observation, Orihara-san. ‘’ She doesn't give further information and peeks into the room. Pointing her head at the white shirt and the claret red polo-neck sweater spread onto the bed, she says;

-‘’ I’d choose the red one. The colour white _disturbs_ him.‘’ Which is odd, Izaya thinks; considering his father, Shiki Reiya’s signature look in front of the camera is either a white jacket or suit-

_‘’ Oh. ‘’_

She leaves the room after giving a bow;

‘’- Thanks for your understanding, Orihara-san. ‘’

* * *

At the terrace of a café a five minute walk away from the hotel, clouds move and a line of sunshine falls onto the table they are having breakfast at. Haruya is stirring his cup of tea inside a fancy teacup, Izaya catches the small looks he sends to his direction.

Setting his elbows onto the light pink tablecloth, Izaya extends his hands to the sides of the other’s jawline and makes him lean closer into the ray of light in between them. He then looks right into his eyes;

-‘’ See, does the colour inspire you? ‘’ He asks and counts to himself. At _five,_ Haruya drops his eyes before turning his head to the scenery of the city next to them. The model gives a smile and leans back in his chair;

-‘’ Five seconds. It’s better than last night. ‘’ On that, Haruya apologises;

-‘’ I‘m sorry. It’ll get better as I get used to you.. as I trust you. I just.. _work that way.‘_ ’

-‘’ And when will you trust me? ‘’ The other gives a tense smile, then in a swift move, extends for the toast on a large white plate;

_-‘’ When I do. ‘’_

‘’- Okay. ‘’ Izaya says, tucking a piece of longer hair to the back of his one ear. He then sticks his palm to the side of his face; ‘’- I am just trying to understand you, I apologise if I was rude. ‘’

Chewing on piece of toast, the designer shakes his head to let him know he wasn’t; ‘’- It’s okay. It’s good that you want to understand. I like to understand things too. ‘’

And the conversation continues with his question;

-‘’ It may be early to ask but; _are you missing Osaka?_ ‘’ Izaya considers the question for a moment before pursing his lips in a negatory manner;

-‘’ No. _Because there is nothing left for me in there_ , nor in Japan. ‘’ The clouds move. They take the sunshine with them. Izaya elaborates;

‘’- I’ve never met my parents. My grandmother, Natsu Orihara raised me. ‘’ He bites his upper lip; ‘’- I lost her a few weeks ago, and came to New York right after her funeral and handling few other things like selling the house and all..’’ After that, he opens his hands to his both sides and shrugs;

‘’- Like I said, there is nothing left for me there. ‘’

‘’- and here?- ‘’ Haruya asks; ‘’- What are you looking for in here, _what do you want to achieve?_ ‘’

To reply his question, Orihara Izaya closes his eyes and recalls a sentence of his grandmother;

 _‘’- You cannot shine when you are a shadow yourself._ _Be the sun who has both the shadow and the light under its grip. ‘’_

_As if controlled by his words, the clouds move._

_Sunshine drops right onto the other’s shiny black hair, his extended lashes and highlighted skin…_

Haruya leans back in his chair and tilts his head. Smiling, he observes the other's colours comfortably.

.

.

.

-‘’ By the way, what’s your Instagram handle, is it private or something? ‘’ Izaya asks towards the end of their breakfast.

-‘’ I don’t have an Instagram. ‘’

 _\- ''What? ‘’_ The other raises his voice suddenly, startling the designer.

‘’- What? ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big oof for Izaya. By the way the real Chelsea Hotel might be in renovation rn.


	3. Harvest Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> '' I grew up knowing that one cannot force happiness, but can force success. With him, I feel like I can achieve both, for the first time in my life. ''  
> -  
> ''He says, "I, I have seen the world's most beautiful places  
> Still I feel, as If I'm a walking machine  
> Watching it all through a screen  
> There is nothing in between to me  
> This might as well not be real- ''  
> //Tamino, Indigo Night//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love every word, every sentence of this chapter. I am so proud of this. wow- :o

**Chapter 3 - Harvest Love**

A nurse comes out of the room holding patient records; ‘’- You can see her, but please keep it short. ‘’

‘’- Of course. ‘’ Aozaki says and he is allowed to enter inside the room _Shiki Himekami_ is in. He takes a breath in, his big hand waiting on the handle for a second. He then walks inside and closes the door after him;

‘’ - Good morning, Himekami. ‘’ Hearing him, she turns her head from the open window at her side.

Aozaki thinks she looks youthful for a woman whose blood cells are failing her entire system. Aozaki _knowingly_ gets himself tricked by the smile on her lips, he doesn’t see how dull and less her black hair outspread on white pillow is, the way the purple peonies by her bedside match her under eyes. He feels something of a shudder run through his limbs, he feels _little_ in front of the woman who is really just a skin and a few kilograms of bone left.

-‘’ Ah, _Shuu._ Welcome, come sit. ‘’ Adding one more purple peony into the vase, Aozaki sits by her bedside and holds her hand;

-‘’ I couldn’t come sooner, please forgive me. ‘’

-‘’ I know you young men are busy. I haven’t seen Haruya either. ‘’ She talks low and slowly, only audible for it is the early hours of morning at the hospital. The fifty-five-year-old chef huffs a silent laugh at the _‘young men’_ ;

-‘’ I guess it’s on me to tell you what he is up to then.. ‘’ He talks while caressing her hand; ‘’- He is seeing a model named Izaya. An ambitious kid, new to the hustle of the city. Trying to be someone, you know? Mizuki and I invited the two of them to a dinner at our house. The kid knows how to impress _and_ to get on one’s nerves at the same time. ‘’ Shiki Himekami nods, her smile looking falsely like something everlasting;

-‘’ Aiki told me about him a little, she seems to be in the same opinion as you. But do you think they are suited to each other? ‘’

Aozaki lifts a brow up and considers the question. He sees two birds landing onto the aged tree outside the window, dancing to each other in circles; ‘’- I honestly don't know, Himekami. Take how much Haruya is reserved and is a little in his own world inside his head, the other is as extroverted and all over the place. ’’

He continues; ‘’- Izaya-kun told us a little about his upbringing at the dinner. Seems like he’s grown a little lonely, similar to Haruya. And for some reason that makes me think that they will be good for each other. But only time can show. ‘’

Himekami appears relieved; ‘’- Haruya became the marvellous man he is today only because of you, Shuu _._ If you say so, then it is so. _I will not leave worried_. ‘’

On that, Aozaki drags his chair closer to her; ‘’- Slow down there, woman- ‘’ He jokingly says, his huge fingers move gently to tuck a fine piece of black hair to the back of her ear; ‘’- That boy is very cunning, _you might find your son at the wedding table and yourself the mother-in-law in no time,_ just saying. I don’t want to hear anything like _that_ , _please._ ‘’ He then returns to the main conversation;

‘’- Haruya only needed a little _encouragement_ , someone who assured him that he could turn and ask whatever it was running inside his incredible mind. I just happened to be there, that’s all. ‘’

‘’- I accept, only because today I lack the energy to tell you otherwise, you kind hearted giant. ‘’ Himekami says in a whispery voice, and asks; ‘’- And you? How is everything going? Forgive my chit-chat if it’s unfitting.. I get bored here nowadays.‘’

Aozaki gives her a shake of head as in _‘‘It’s okay’’_ ; ‘’- I guess I am getting tired from running around, I’ve been thinking about consulting few people to see if we could adopt a kid…’’ He lifts his one brow up and pauses. He continues after a sigh; ‘’- I told Mizuki about it, he freaked out. He’s afraid. He thinks, with that golden heart of his, that he’s bound to resemble his despicable father one way or another. ‘’

‘’- _and I understand that._ So I decided not the bring the matter up again. ‘’ He shrugs and opens his free hand to the side; ‘’- What can I do? It doesn’t matter if one of them is forty-nine years old, they’re both children at heart wearing adult suits, my dear Himekami. ‘’

Himekami gives him a sympathetic blink of her dark coffee eyes; ‘’- Give him some time.. ‘’ She is tired, Aozaki caresses her hair in silence.

-‘’ Before you go, would you please open the first drawer and take the thing inside, Shuu? ‘’ On that, Aozaki withdraws his hand and turns to do what she has asked from him. He pulls open the drawer, and a sea of emotions merge somewhere near his left, where he keeps an embroidered, cotton handkerchief inside his pocket. Himekami continues;

-‘’ _I sold the mansion in Hiroshima._ The money will be split between Haruya and Aiki. I need you to keep the documents, just in case. Because the sale isn’t completely done yet, and _someone_ might want to interfere. ‘’

‘’- _And my will_ ; I would like you to give that to my son when the time comes. Please don’t leave him alone, Shuu. ‘’

She then adds few more sentences that will become carvings inside the man’s mind.

‘’- However you want, Himekami. ‘’ Aozaki says without hesitation after her words, and lowers to put a small kiss onto this almighty woman’s forehead. And his strong built is a setting sun right in front of the woman’s eyes. They lock their eyes to each other, she lifts a hand to the man’s face, and it trembles, but she _holds on_ ;

-‘’ I make mountain of men cry for me. ‘’ She says.

-‘’ Except for _one_ , Himekami. ‘’ The man says and adds, leaning down onto her face even more; ‘’- I am asking you Himekami, would you want me find him? I know people from all over the world, you know I can do it. Tell me, for the love of God, tell me to find him from wherever he is fucking around and- ‘’

_-‘’ I am with him, Shuu. I am sitting with him under the sakura tree a little outside of my family’s mansion, we’re both young, and in daydreams free of pain. I am with him, always. ‘’_

.

.

_‘’- Explain to him. He wouldn’t understand, and Haruya panics when he doesn’t understand. You don’t have to give him a true answer, no one can explain the death of a mother, Aozaki Shuu. Just give him something to fill the intervals, something he can play around with. As you did always, as his kind hearted giant-man. ‘’_

* * *

Outside the hospital where the winter sun falls cold onto basalt roads, Aozaki is in need of some time to calm down. He sits down to a bench, takes a deep breath in while lifting his eyes to the sun; and then lets out a vaporised air of cold. He calls his husband once he is feeling slightly better;

-‘’ Shuu? Morning babe. ‘’ At the studio where they are here for Haruya’s editorial shoot for a magazine, Haruya looks at him and whispers; _‘’ Is it Ao? Say hi to him from me. ‘’_ So Aka adds; ‘’- Haruya says hi, we just came to the studio for his _sensation_ al photoshoot for (..) magazine. God I am so excited..’’ Hearing his husband’s energetic voice makes Aozaki feel good, as if getting shock waves of positivity and creative passion;

-‘’ Good. _Na._ _._ Do you have anything else planned for today? Can you be at home around dinnertime? ‘’ On that, Aka gets up from his chair and discreetly walks somewhere he can’t be heard;

-‘’ Yeah I will be at home. ‘’ He then adds; ‘’- You sound upset, did something happen? ‘’

-‘’ No. We just haven’t been spending time together; I thought I’d cook, we drink a little, talk.. you know? By the way, tell Haruya to take his boyfriend and visit his mother after the shoot. ‘’ He stands up from the bench and starts walking to the direction of the parking lot, his empty hand inside his coat pocket searching around for the car keys.

-‘’ I see.. ‘’ Quickly grasping the reason why his husband sounds gloomy, Aka turns his eyes to the young designer sitting by the mirror and curiously examining the lipstick colours Aka received as lab samples for the product he’s been working on; ‘’- I’ll tell him..’’

Before ending the call, Aozaki asks, lifting the sombreness in his voice as much as possible; ‘’- Now then, what shall I cook for my talented husband? ‘’ From the other line, he hears the sound of his favourite laugh that has always made certain things warmer inside his chest, and the Okinawan dialect that sometimes he barely understands;

‘’- You’re the chef, Shuu. You know the best. Don’t stay outside to smoke, alright? It’s cold. See you at home babe. ‘’

The chef drops his phone back into his pocket and turns his eyes to the window that he assumes is the window of the room Shiki Himekami is at. A wind starts whiffling from behind; one that is a harbinger of rain; knotting his hair, making that one streak of white hair fall towards his eyes.

_‘’ I know you will fight. You will hang in there for him, Himekami. ‘’_

* * *

‘’- Now then. Kemal is preparing, we should start too. Izaya just texted me saying he’s on his way. ‘’ Akabayashi walks behind the designer, and bending down, he places his palms flat onto the arms of the chair the other is sitting on. Their eyes meet inside the reflection of the mirror;

-‘’ What do you have in mind Aka? ‘’

-‘’ You talk big; _‘’_ _I, on the other hand, refuse to carry gender, especially in regards to a piece of clothing._ _‘’_ These are big words, we need to give them their justice. This is an international magazine, and that is your brand, Haruya. ‘’

-‘’ And? ‘’ On that, Aka extends his one hand into his makeup case and takes out a liquid lipstick; that one shade of burgundy which would match the emerald green suit he will be wearing. He holds the cylinder component next to the other’s face.

-‘’ I see.. ‘’ Haruya takes the item, looks at it, then looks at himself on the mirror; ‘’- I am not against the idea, I just don’t know if I can carry it. ‘’ Aka smirks, his eyes are dangerous; he dips his shapely fingers into the other’s hair and slicks it back; revealing the scar, and lifting the other’s face at the same time;

-‘’ I’m still going to leave your curls here and there and keep the base makeup natural.. I will not touch your under-eyes, people will see the hard work; they will see the less than four hours of sleep you get while creating your collections that they so easily call it ingenious, as if it is easy. Do you see my vision, Haru-ko? ‘’

-‘’ Yes, I do. Delicate but daring, isn’t it? ‘’

-‘’ No. Not exactly- ‘’

‘’ Delicate _and_ daring, my darling. ‘’

* * *

Izaya hurriedly runs into the studio, the hood of his fur-lined black jacket is wet from an abrupt rain, and he is cold; but no one has to know that; ‘’- Hello Kemal-san. ‘’ He waves a hand to the photographer adjusting giant lights and goes straight to the makeup station;

‘’- I am sorry, I told my manager he could book me a short casting but I didn’t know it was at the other side of the city- ‘’ He practically throws his small backpack onto the floor and takes off his jacket; ‘’- It will not happen ag- ‘’ His words get cut when he turns and sees Haruya, all ready and looking at him somewhat insecurely;

_‘’ - Oh my God, fuck me right here. ‘’_

‘’ - Woah. ‘’ Aka says, setting down an extra set of brushes.

-‘’ Sorry. ‘’ The model apologizes and gets on his one knee in front of his boyfriend; ‘’- You look so fucking gorgeous-‘’ He sends a quick look to the makeup artist to make sure he isn’t looking, and then merges their lips together for the shortest moment; ‘’- and strong. Haruya, this is so good. ‘’ The other gives him a shy smile, and even though his hands are always cold, just like his mothers are, he still takes Izaya’s hands into his palms, thinking he must be cold;

-‘’ Then that means we achieved what we wanted. ‘’

-‘’ I have something for you too. ‘’ Aka joins into the conversation, holding up a Russian red lipstick and a matching nail polish; ‘’ – Get ready to have a lot of enemies after this. ‘’ Izaya smirks, gets up on his feet and gets to the second makeup station next to the designer;

-‘’ As if I don’t already have. ‘’

While Aka is doing wonders on Izaya, the designer leans in and studies his silhouette on the mirror;

Accents and curves; he focuses on his under- eyes and fatigue crawling deep in his bones, and thinks he looks like his mother. Then he lifts a hand up and hides his lips; with this sleek three-piece and his unruly hair out of his face, he resembles his father.

He lowers his hand down.

He turns his eyes to the gorgeous man next to him; observes the curve of the self-admirer smile he carries on his lips. Aka travels the soft bristles of his brush on his face, and Haruya quietly observes how comfortable he is within his vanity, and how much he enjoys it all.

Aka is sliding a thin brush on his lips with the bright red colour on the tip when Izaya sees his observer and starts making _certain moves_ with his red-painted nails until the thin brush lands on that hand;

‘’- Behave. ‘’ Aka warns him, making the model chuckle and give his attention back to the artist.

With that the designer turns back to the mirror. He emulates carefully; fixes his posture, opens his eyes bigger and looks sharper; reviving the memory of his mother in that perfect red dress. He adds a pinch of that narcissist side look of his father, flamboyant lift of his right eyebrow as he sits on a fancy armchair and smokes while looking at his son, drawing; designing. Hiroshima’s golden hour seeps in from the windows then-

‘’- How do I look, Haruya? ‘’ 

Then it all flies away when he turns and sees Izaya, wearing the first outfit from the collection; a black shirt with daises, a blue felicia and a poppy flower embroidered on the right collar and red-thread detailing going down from the button line, matching pants with the detailing on one edge. It all flies away, and Haruya looks at Izaya like a child who has spotted a kite in the perfect blue sky.

He smiles at him then, his words get stuck sometimes.

* * *

The photographer _Kemal Konstantinou_ works fast. He has worked with Haruya before, he knows how to direct him into _the character_ , and when to take breaks. That model is also gorgeous, he sees the great chemistry they have between, and uses it to his advantage.

The set consists of a brick-red leather coach, a beautiful Persian rug and a small glass table which has a fancy whiskey bottle and a glass settled on it. Various red flowers and big-leaved plants are placed strategically, tying the matte-soft touch finish of it all. Haruya sits at the far-left corner of the couch, Kemal directs the model to stand behind the couch and spread his hands horizontally on it.

‘’- Lift your chin up little more, Haruya. And Izaya, look sharper but give me some more lust.. just like that, yes.. Now put your hands on his shoulders- ‘’ Izaya does as he says; ‘’- A little lower-‘’ On that, he slides his hands down to his chest. It feels strangely intimate and it reflects perfectly sensual to the camera lenses. Kemal nods at him, his eyes impressed; ‘’- Yes, that is great. ‘’

_‘’- You’re the best. You own this industry…’’_ Haruya hears the model whisper _‘’- You’re the best. ‘’_ And decides to play along. He sits more sprawled, feels the stretch of his deep cheekbones as he tilts his head a little, and lets his gaze melt into _lust._

It creates something that can only be described as _majestic._ Watching them, Akabayashi feels somewhat proud of him and takes a few pictures from his phone to send to his husband.

And Izaya knows there is something special here as he gets on his knees on the Persian carpet and spreads his red polished fingers on Haruya’s right thigh. As he props his head there and then poses for the last shots standing next to him, now in a light pink dress with magical embroidery on it.

They don’t talk to each other during the photoshoot, because eyes are supposed to, and they fulfil their duty perfectly.

‘’- And that wraps it. ‘’ Kemal says after, giving them small hugs; ‘’- This felt like a threesome, not gonna lie you guys. ‘’ Izaya laughs at the joke. Then the photographer leaves them to each other to go and take a look at the photographs with Akabayashi.

Then they are supposed to say something, exchange compliments or congratulate each other. But in the surround of static electricity noise, they stand under warm yellow lights and look down at each other’s lips, lovestruck.

They hug; arms moving at the same time, a little hesitant at first;

_Haruya whispers into his ear; ‘’- You are missing your grandmother, don’t you, Izaya? ‘’_

* * *

Aka huffs a laugh once he sees the two sitting across each other in front of the makeup station. Chests bare and Izaya wiping the other’s lipstick off, Haruya looking exhausted after eight hours;

-'’ Why doesn’t it just wipe off, are all of them like this, Izaya? It burns. ‘’ On that, Aka walks to his makeup case and hands Izaya a better makeup remover;

-‘’ It is a long lasting, velvet finish liquid lipstick that my hard-working lab formulated very recently. It is not going anywhere that easily. ‘’ Izaya smirks while taking another cotton pad;

 _-‘’ I would love to test it. ‘’_ He then catches the lipstick Aka sends to his direction.

A silence settles in between the trio as all of them are tired. Meanwhile, the makeup artist collects his items back into his case and then stands in between them;

‘’- Now, I will go enjoy a quiet evening with my husband, and you two will go eat something quick and then go to the hospital to visit Haruya’s mother- ‘’ He looks at Izaya; ‘’- Would that be okay with you? Himekami-san would be very happy to meet you. ‘’

Izaya knows the situation ever since learning that Haruya actually has an apartment but is staying at the Chelsea Hotel for it is closer to the hospital his mother is staying. He nods while traveling a makeup wipe down on his face and turning to the mirror; ‘’- Yeah I'd love to meet her.'’

Aka then gives a small pat on Haruya’s head and leaves.

* * *

Saying that he needs to pick up few things, Haruya asks to drop by his apartment first. They order take-out salads from a vegan restaurant and an Uber brings them to their destination.

Almost all New York apartments are over-priced and small, that is a fact. With the extension of an upper floor for the bedroom and an extra shower, Haruya’s apartment fits to the stereotype. However, the dark green wallpapers, dark mahogany flooring and the fine china vases placed here and there gives the space a slightly melancholic, vintage feel. And the thirty-six-string harp Izaya saw standing majestically inside the dark living room doesn’t help;

-‘’ Do you play that thing? ‘’ Izaya asks as they walk to the kitchen. The designer nods;

-‘’ It calms me down. I can play for you before we leave, now let’s eat because I feel like I am going to faint. ‘’

The kitchen, in thematic unity with the rest of the apartment has a wall that is completely covered with colourful fashion sketches on white paper. Some of the sketches has dates also, and Izaya is surprised at how far back some of the dates go and how the quality is still there, _despite the harsher lines of childhood._

Apologising for the mess, Haruya quickly puts away the design-books, fabrics in different texture and lengths, and the folders on the four-person table. Then they eat, and the designer prepares two cups of espresso after.

During these, Izaya barely takes his eyes off of the sketches at the wall.

His attention is on a rather old sketch where the shakily drawn model has a dark purple evening gown; asymmetric neckline and half the skirt covered with a tiger pattern;

‘’- I realized I was gay when I was in elementary school. That is of course looking back. Because I didn’t know what it meant; the terms, the shaky definitions and the bullying of course. I just knew I liked boys and I was pretty open about it. ‘’ He then sends a short look to Haruya, looking surprised and listening to this abrupt river of nostalgia; ‘’- What about you, would you like to tell me? ‘’ He asks, then turns his eyes back to the wall.

After a moment of visible indecision, Haruya stands up from his desk; ‘’- I’ll bring something. Wait for a second. ‘’

When he comes back, he has a hand-carved, wooden keepsake box in his hands. Excitement clear on his face, he opens the box, and pulls out a set of photographs after a small search. He extends them to Izaya.

In the picture, two twelve-year-old boys in tuxedos, arm in arm; _‘’ 13 th Hiroshima Elementary Ballroom Dance Competition Winners; Haruya Shiki and Mishima J. Alfred from Hiroshima Shiritsu Middle School, Grade Six. ‘’ _

‘’- That year, all of the girls either got injured, or got scared and withdrew from the competition. Since, as you see, I was quite small in built; teachers decided I could dance with our school’s best dancer, Alfred- ‘’ Haruya lets an embarrassed laugh and rubs his eyes; ‘’- And I was very attracted to him. I mean he was tall, had blue eyes.. and from what I could observe in the changing room, had hair in places I didn’t know hair could grow.. But I kept my _tendency_ a secret until I accidentally revealed it to Ao. I was fourteen I think, in U.S, but that’s another story. ‘’

Izaya laughs; ‘’- You know what, I saw it coming. ‘’ He shuffles the next few photographs taken during the competition; ‘’- Now I’m getting impatient to meet your mother. Look at you, you’re so elegant, I wonder what she looks like. ‘’

On that, Haruya stills a little before taking another photograph and extending it to Izaya; deliberately trying to not look at it himself.

_‘’- Oh my God..’’_ Spills from the model’s lips as he looks at the woman in an off-the-shoulder red dress, neckline and ears adorned in diamonds, and hair in an elegant side bun. Standing next to his husband who is in a fancy white suit, and teenager Haruya in between them looking somewhat unsure, in a white suit, also.

‘’- Also, Shiki Reiya though, _wow._ I wish he didn’t mess with botox, he’d look way better without now. ‘’ Izaya adds.

Haruya lowers his gaze to the wooden box; ‘’- She..-‘’ He starts in a quiet voice, Izaya slowly puts the photograph back onto the table gives his attention to him; ‘’- She doesn’t look like that now either, of course. She’s very sick. ‘’

Understanding, but not exactly, because he doesn’t have a mother, Izaya extends his one hand to him, and Haruya replies back with his own hand. They connect in the middle of the table;

‘’- Shall we go? I don’t know how it works in America but it’s getting late, we shouldn’t miss visiting hours. ‘’ He says while caressing the other’s fingers.

Haruya nods.

* * *

They arrive to the hospital. Just before the sunset, they enter into a room where the golden lights seep in from the window and give everything a warm-orange hue. It takes six minutes and six sentences exchanged until Haruya falls asleep under the caress of his mother’s hand. Izaya sees him after excusing himself to reply a phone call and coming back after.

He feels the need to explain; ‘’- It’s been a long day. We’ve been in the studio for the past eight hours. ‘’

Looking at her son, Shiki Himekami gives a smile; ‘’- It is okay.. _It is okay to be tired_ \- ‘’ She turns her eyes to him; a deep and ancient gaze, and the golden lights dressing her skin into magnificent shimmers. For a second hiding her suffering, but her lines are _so thin_ that looking at her, Izaya decides to relax his own diet.

‘’- Aren’t you tired? ‘’ She asks, Izaya places his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans and shakes his head faintly, lowering his gaze; ‘’- I am used to it. ‘’ He says, with a back-ache radiating into his muscles.

Himekami shakes her head at this carefully practiced act of strength. But she doesn’t break it. Instead, she looks at the model’s hands; ‘’- That is my favorite shade of red that is on your nails..’’ She points at the second chair at the other side of her bed; ‘’- Why don’t you show me closer? ‘’

Izaya takes the chair and sits across Haruya’s sun-fallen sleeping figure. Himekami opens her palm on her empty hand and _invites him,_ which Izaya quickly senses, to _take a break_ under her shadows seemingly reverenced by the time itself.

He drags the chair closer and puts his head onto the white sheets in a soft move;

-‘’ I don’t know this. I wouldn’t understand. ‘’ He says, Himekami places her fingers onto the young man’s hair;

 _-‘’ I can see the absence clearly. ‘’_ Her touches are light to the point where everything feels dreamy to the other; ‘’- But learning is a virtue. ‘’ Izaya is unable to resist the heaviness of his eyelids, he closes his eyes, but something in him doesn’t want to sleep and lose the _virtue_. So he talks;

-‘’ When I am with your son, when we walk past a sea of cameras after a night-out, he holds my hand and hides his eyes behind his glasses, Himekami-san. He smiles past the hundred nonsense-questions and something just.. shines, in him. ‘’ He continues, words slowing down; ‘’- He shines. And me, right behind him while he rushes me into the taxi, I shine too. But he is so brilliant that sometimes I feel like a fake diamond. ‘’

‘’ - However, that only makes me want to work harder. ‘’ He grins; _‘’- I grew up knowing that one cannot force happiness, but can force success._ _With him, I feel like I can achieve both, for the first time in my life. ‘’_

Himekami lowers her eyelashes and looks at him carefully; ‘’- I am relieved to hear such charming words from such charming man. I see you are very determined.’’

Izaya nods slowly; ‘’- Your son is an extraordinary person, but from what I’ve observed, he is also fragile, Himekami-san. Doesn’t this scare you? ‘’

The mother answers; ‘’- What you just named as fragility, is something that runs in my family’s blood. ‘’ Izaya opens his eyes and looks at her, Himekami lifts a brow up to him but her calm lines doesn’t fade; ‘’- And seeing the things I overcame, and my son overcame, I am certain that it is not something to be scared of, opposite, even. _We are very adept at the art of it, Izaya-kun_.‘’

The other looks at her long and heavy before asking; ‘’- Please tell me more about it, Himekami-san. ‘’

Himekami shakes her head slowly; ‘’- While I see you’re curious, Haruya’s struggles are not my story to tell. But for me- ‘’ Haruya moves his head a little and lets a sigh out in his sleep. Izaya sees the mother turn her head to her son, an absolutely sorrowful expression settles into her eyes;

‘’- I refrain from telling this to everyone. But it wasn’t easy to bring him into this world, Izaya-kun. It.. was really painful. ‘’

-‘’ Because of your condition? ‘’ Himekami closes her eyes and nods;

-‘’ But I held on, to teach him how to hold on. And I did, proven by the various experiences we've had so far.. ‘’ A long exhale, the clouds move then and take the shadows away.

She sighs, closing her eyes, her voice withers into prayers; ‘ _’- You will hold on, right, Haruya? It won’t be easy, but you are not alone either._

 _Like I was, in those cold Stockholm nights..-_ ‘’

Izaya lifts his head up, his fingers moving to wipe away that one tear sliding down from the side of his nose. Once the mother is fallen asleep, he stands up from his chair to wake Haruya up. The room is colder, sunlight has long faded.

-‘’ God I hate when I do this, and I do it all the time.’’ Haruya whispers while rubbing his eyes and moving his stiff muscles.

-‘’ I don’t think she minds it. ‘’

Sighing, the designer nods. He runs his fingers through his mother’s thin hair, his expression sad, and then bends forward and puts a small kiss onto the emerald ring on her hand. 

But when it is time to leave, he pauses beside the door.

Izaya hold his hand then; ‘’- We’ll come back in the morning. ‘’ The other turns and looks into his eyes, Izaya sees the _‘’ what if we can’t? ‘’_ , and finds himself unable to say anything further; to give hope. He doesn’t do that.

On that, a quiet smile passes through Haruya’s lines that are quite similar to his mother’s, _and he steps out of the room_ ; holding the model’s hand firmly.

* * *

Passing the sadness-fallen hospital corridors, Haruya has his matte-black sunglasses on. Izaya travels his eyes around the people looking at him, few iPhone cameras out, trying to be discreet;

-‘’ Ne.. I want to ask something from you. ‘’ Haruya gives a move of his head that indicates he is listening;

-‘’ What is it? ‘’

-‘’ Play me your harp. I’ve never heard it before. We can go back to the hotel afterwards, if you’re worried. ‘’

-‘’ I’d love to play for you, Izaya. ‘’ He pauses before adding; ‘’- I.. missed my house, we should stay there for tonight. ‘’

* * *

Izaya comes out wearing silk pyjamas in burgundy colour; ‘’- Good thing we wear the same size. ‘’ The ornate harp’s golden detailing illuminated by the fireplace, Haruya has the instrument gently placed against his right shoulder. He gives a smile while tuning the strings, Izaya takes a _deep_ breath at the sight of his bare chest;

-‘’ May I light a cigarette? ‘’ He asks, placing his one hand onto the Turkish rug to take the velvet cushion beside the fireplace.

-‘’ Only you can. ‘’ So Izaya sits onto the cushion and lights a cigarette, then extends it to the other to take a breath in before he starts playing.

He plays, he is delicate; _fragile_ , and he truly looks like nothing can reach him.

And Izaya is very quick to swiftly take him down onto the floor once he finishes playing and carefully lowers the instrument from his shoulder.

He takes his own shirt off, warm lights fall onto the accents of their bones. Izaya travels his lips on his neck, then lowers to his collarbones. Haruya places a hand on the back of his hair;

-‘’ Izaya we don’t have-‘’ On that, the model pulls his small _Louis Vuitton_ backpack from its strap and places few items next to the designer’s eyes.

-‘’ Oh, okay. ‘’

 _-‘’ I don’t know what you are doing to me, Shiki Haruya. ‘’_ His hair floats on the silky skin like black ink on water; ‘’- What are you doing to me? ‘’ and his breath pulses on his ribcage. On that, Haruya cups his right cheek and lifts his face up to himself;

-‘’ I am making you fall in love with me, haven’t you realized? ‘’ He is smiling, Izaya shakes his head to him;

-‘’ You’re straightforward, guileless, and _you don’t know how to hide._ That’s dangerous.. and irrational, Haruya. ‘’ He looks scared and lost, and sad. Haruya takes his time to study his own reflection that is on his face;

-’' Yes, I know. I struggle a lot, I.. just don’t understand sometimes- ‘’ He turns his eyes to the fireplace; _‘’- I am sorry. ‘’_

But after a silence, a few deep breaths and teeth biting into soft flesh inside the mouth, he looks back and straightens on his one palm. Foreheads touching, the fire now in his eyes, he speaks in firm syllables;

‘’- But can’t we teach each other? Fill each other’s cracks.. What is the point of _the search_ then?-‘’ He pauses and sends a look to his side; ‘’- Not to make that pun in this position we’re in but-‘’ They both let out tense chuckles then, Haruya’s voice softens at Izaya’s ear, knuckles brush his cheek;

_-‘’ I have a very safe place for you. Hm? ‘’_

-‘’ God, you’re irresistible. ‘’ Izaya lets out behind squeezed teeth; ‘’- Where is it, Shiki Haruya? _Where do you hide all that light?_ ‘’

‘’- Good question. ‘’ After some thinking by the fire, the designer takes the model’s hand and puts it right in the middle of his chest;

‘’- Here,

 _Harvest love, Orihara Izaya._ ‘’

He lays down once again, moonlight seeps in from the window as Izaya drags his nails down the other’s chest. As he painfully realises how _hungry_ he is

for-

Haruya warns him there;

_‘’- Be careful. It doesn’t grow that easily, and is, fragile. ‘’_

So he softens his touch to his fingertips.

* * *

_Mizuki Akabayashi_ puts his heavy makeup case down and tiredly tries to see which key in his keychain is the right one. The door opens just before he gives up and turns to reach for his glasses-

His husband appears in a dark blue sweater and hair nicely tied in a male-bun; ‘’- Just wear those glasses, Mizuki. Why are you so stubborn? ‘’ On that, Aka laughs sinisterly and picks up his equipment back; ‘’- You would be bored of me if I wasn’t stubborn, and annoying. ‘’

Ao tilts his head as in _’true’_. They hug, the door gets closed; ‘’- Welcome home. _O-tsukare sama_. ‘’

 _‘’- Arigatou gozaimashita.’’_ Aka replies in accordance with the tradition, but then adds, narrowing his eyes; _‘’- Danna sama..’’_ He peeks at the lavishly prepared dinner table and lets an impressed sound before taking the route of the bathroom to wash his hands and face.

Ao hears him mumble a festival song of their far away homeland and walks inside to prepare the plates..

* * *

‘’- You’re a kami, kami of food. ‘’ Aka stretches his back, he’s eaten _way_ too much, but one doesn’t often get to eat Okinawan dishes in the middle of New York City. Some recipes slightly adjusted of course, only because the ingredients are too special to be found anywhere but his hometown.

He turns his head to his husband sipping on a glass of beer; ‘’- Thank you, Shuu. I needed this. ‘’ Ao closes his eyes and nods, then lifts his glass up to him. A small clank, then Aka stands up, makes the other stand up too. He puts his phone onto the table;

_‘’- Hey Siri, play ‘’ Asatoya Yunta ‘’_ Siri does just that, and Aka starts dancing to the folk song, accompanying to the lyrics he knows by heart.

-‘’ Where does this energy of yours come from, I have yet to understand, Mizuki. ‘’ Ao says, wrapping an arm around the other’s waist and following his rhythm.

-‘’ _Na, Shuu_. Now, listen to me carefully- ‘’ Aka starts after finishing _another_ glass of beer in one lift; ‘’- I have been thinking, okay? Uh.. about the thing you.. want- ‘’ Aozaki stops him there;

-‘’ Look Mizuki, I am a simple man from Hokkaido; just like I don’t talk to you in a god-forgotten Ainu dialect, you have to either talk slowly, or use a _standart Japanese_ so that I understand you, okay? ‘’

-‘’ Yeah, yeah sorry. ‘’

The music ends, Aka takes a deep breath in and looks into Ao’s eyes;

‘’- I figured. If.. I mean, you wouldn’t have wanted this, if you didn’t believe- ‘’ He bites on his bottom lip and lowers his head; ‘’- If you weren’t certain that _a man like me_ could raise a child, with you. ‘’

Narrowing his eyes, Ao pulls out that one strand of gray hair that he always manages to catch no matter how carefully the other dyes his hair;

_-‘’ Aow- ‘’_

-‘’ A man with few stubborn gray hair, I believe. Because other than that, I don’t see anything wrong with you that could justify the way you talk about yourself, Mizuki Akabayashi. ‘’ Aka gives a shrug;

-‘’ Whatever. I am just saying. But there is also something else we have to discuss. ‘’

-‘’ Of course. ‘’ Aozaki points at the chairs behind them.

The couple settles down.

‘’- _It wasn’t easy, Shuu_. To reach to the to position I am in my career right now. When interviewers ask me where I learned my techniques, I tell them _‘’ In the streets of New York ‘’_. Because it is true- ‘’

He continues; ‘’- What I don’t tell them is that there were times I slept on the streets, because I had to save to buy new equipment, new palettes, glitter. I developed my art while doing drug-addict prostitutes’ makeup. Free of charge, because they needed it, and they’d become really happy. ‘’ Remembering, he lets a sigh out, then slicks his deep-red hair back;

‘’- What I am saying is, I just founded a company, a successful one. Not because I need money, or more success; _I do everything I do because it is fun, Shuu._ But you already know, all of this. ‘’ He crosses his leg and puts his one hand onto Ao’s thigh, which the other replies by putting his hand on top of his;

‘’- _I don’t want to slow down._ And that means, if we are to adopt a child, you will have to take the majority of the workload, and.. _retire, probably_. ‘’

Ao nods his head, slowly, deep in thoughts. They light themselves a cigarette, put them off, then light another one until Aozaki starts talking;

‘’- _I love you, because you have the freest soul I’ve ever seen_. And I’ve encountered with all sorts of people, Mizuki- ‘’

‘’- But I am not like you, my way is simple; _‘ grow up, learn your father’s profession, marry, have children, then die’._ I just happened to be a gay man in between all that, but that’s really all. ‘’ They laugh, Aozaki continues;

‘’- While I love what I do, I never did it because it was fun. I did it, because I was taught that’s how it was supposed to go. And I think I am ready to let go, Mizuki. If needed, of course. ‘’

Aka extends his palm to him, and kisses the ring on the other’s finger; ‘’- If you say so.. Then let’s do it, let’s try to prove ourselves to the likely homophobic authorities, that we are, in fact, eligible to be parents. ‘’ He then adds; ‘’- _Ureshii wa, danna sama.._ ‘’

-‘’ fuck’s sake. ‘’

-‘’ Yeah swear while you can. ‘’ Aka mumbles behind his smirk, then turns to the table and puts some food onto his plate, once again leaving his husband in awe at how much he can really eat.

Ao turns towards the phone on the table then; ‘’- _Na Siri,_ play a _Leonard Cohen_ song. ‘’

_‘’ Dance me to the end of love’’ starts playing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * You say 'o-tsukare sama' or 'o-tsukare sama deshita' when someone is back from work, or has finished a work and leaving etc. and the reply is usually 'arigatou gozaimashita', thank you.
> 
> * Danna sama; means '' my husband '' or ''husband mine..'' but like.. it's a very feminine way of saying it, same with '' Ureshii wa, danna sama '' which means '' Ah, how happy I am, husband '' but like that ''wa'' makes it very feminine. It has the vibe of ''that fifty year old wife of a samurai in a black-and-white film. '' 
> 
> * Asatoya yunta/ or asadoya yunta; is an Okinawan folk song and has 65458487 versions on youtube. But my fav is [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHLKAV4LD_M] in this album it starts at (17:12)
> 
> y'all I am probably the only writer that'd make Shiki play a fucking harp I'm- jsfshkdgjsd


	4. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water  
> And he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower  
> And when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him  
> He said all men will be sailors then until the sea shall free them  
> But he himself was broken, long before the sky would open  
> Forsaken, almost human, he sank beneath your wisdom like a stone-''  
> //Leonard Cohen, Suzanne//

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this one doesn't feel boring. It starts a little unsure, give it patience pls .'d It wasn't easy to write, I struggled with finding 'that right voice' and didn't know what to cut and what to put in. Um.. I hope I was..successful getting my message across??idk I hope you enjoy it.

**Chapter 4 –**

**Winter**

_Years Ago, A Winter Night in NYC_

In a royal purple evening gown, Shiki Himekami lets out a distressed sigh and fixes the light-coloured faux fur shawl on her elegant shoulders; ‘’- He claims that he doesn’t want to put Haruya in danger by letting the media recognize him. _But you and I know to what extent this is a genuine concern for Reiya.._ ’’

She lifts her extended lashes to the man in front of him and gives somewhat of an ashamed smile; ‘’- He is hiding him. He is _e._.- ‘’ But she stops and bites the upcoming word down into her dark pink lips.

‘’- Regardless, I can’t thank you enough for looking after him, Shuu. Thank you, so much. ‘’

The man is in casual clothes, a streak of white hair looking striking in a loosely tied bun. He has an emphathetic look inside his eyes but the woman knows he is ready to _step in_ at her one sentence.

But for now, he props his right arm onto the sparkling clean countertop and pushes a glass of apple-pear _kompot_ towards her; ‘’- What is that look in your eyes, Himekami? Worn, defeated. That’s not like you. ‘’ He points his head at the beverage; ''- See if it's any good. '' 

Himekami tastes the refreshing beverage and nods her head; ''- It's really good. Thank you. ''

Ao adds; ‘’- Look, I admit, this situation _is not fair_ to both of you, and you do have a really shitty husband who I am having a really hard time trying not to beat the shit out of. But Haruya and I get along just fine- ‘’ He turns his head to the teenager sitting by the connected living room; ‘’- Right, Haruya? ‘’

_The fourteen-year-old boy_ , thin body hunched forwards the small fish bowl with a goldfish swimming in circles inside, turns his head to the two adults by the kitchen counter. He gives a small nod, his eyes focuses on his mother's dress;

-‘’ Your brooch sits asymmetrical, mom. Please fix it. ‘’ Lifting her brows up, Himekami looks at Aozaki as if saying _‘’ somebody is in a bad mood today ‘’_ Ao however, just huffs a laugh;

-‘’ _Na,_ Haruya, my child..The other day we talked about the _ways_ we can deliver things that comes into our head, you remember that? ‘’ The boy shrugs his shoulder in response to a tic of his and nods;

-‘’ Yeah, I apologise. ‘’ He then adds, quietly, turning his head the other way; _‘’- It does sit asymmetrical though..’’_

‘’- _Well.._ our man is getting there.‘’ Ao says, a lovely smile shines on Himekami’s lips;

-‘’ You’re a saint, Shuu. I don’t know what else would describe.. what you’re doing. ‘’ Ao shakes his head a little, traveling his thumb on his drink glass;

-‘’ I am not performing any miracles here, Himekami. _I am just here_. And what I am going to say is- ‘’ He looks at her, his look offering strength; ‘’- Whatever happens, happens. ‘’

He takes a step towards her, tucking a piece of wavy black hair to the back of her ear, he puts a small kiss onto her temple;

‘’- Reiya or not. The night is beautiful, and you’re dazzling. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it. ‘’

Himekami sits next to her son before she has to leave to join her husband in an event and look charming in front of cameras; ‘’- How do I look, Haruya? ‘’

Her son turns his head, looks at his mother carefully from head-to-toe and replies while extending his arms to fix the brooch on her fur shawl;

‘’- While _the design_ is rather.. weak, I have to say that colour is perfect for you. ‘’ Once everything is fixed, he lets a relaxed breath out; ‘’- There you go.. you look very beautiful, mother. ‘’

After that, he smiles while leaning to his mother’s kiss.

‘’- Don’t stay up too late, I love you so much baby. ‘’ Haruya blinks his eyes as his mother wipes away the lipstick mark she’s left on his cheek.

That particular touch of her fingers, he feels protected under.

* * *

The sound of few glasses being washed under the sink. Apart from that, the house is quiet.

‘’- Do you know what is the difference between a human being and a goldfish?- ‘’ Haruya shrugs his shoulder then tilts his head. Hearing him, Ao turns the water off and leans against the black marble to listen.

He continues; ‘’- Nothing.. Even the circles, the movement is necessary for the life to keep going. _Life goes on in circles and history repeats itself_. ‘’ He draws even closer to the fish bowl and thinks if the fish would die if he were to stop it from moving. He lifts his hand towards the tank, then stops and decides otherwise.

Ao reaches for a hand towel to dry his hands; ‘’- Is there something bothering you, Haruya? ‘’ He doesn’t immediately get an answer, and knows that’s okay. So he does few other things like placing clean dishes to the cupboards and wiping the countertop one more time.

After that, he settles to the couch across him and the fish bowl which clearly has his attention;

-‘’ I heard you’ve been having troubles with home-school, what’s up with that? ‘’

-‘’ I am not having any _troubles_ with home-school, but the tutors’ attitude. They ask me a question, and I know the answer but-‘’ He tilts his head, pauses and shuts his eyes. Ao gives him time until he relaxes; ‘’- I just can’t say it immediately sometimes. _Like now._ ‘’ Frustrated, his voice gets high at the end.

He apologises and continues; ‘’- Of course they don’t say anything because my mother pays them _a lot_ of money. But I see the look on their face, and I don’t like that. ‘’ He slouches forward and rests his head on his arms; _‘’ – I know the answer, Ao. ‘’_

-‘’ I know you do. Also fine if you don’t know sometimes.‘’ Ao cocks his head and rests his curled hand on his one temple. He lowers his eyes to the goldfish; ‘’- _I_ never knew. But to solve your problem, maybe you can try explaining the tutors what you’ve just said to me. How does that sound?‘’ Haruya thinks for some time, then gives a small nod;

-‘’ Okay. I’ll try. ‘’

-‘’ Now _,_ do you smell what I’m smelling?- ‘’ The older man knits his eyebrows and turns his head towards the oven; ‘’- I think that’s your favourite dessert in the oven, should be ready by now. ‘’ He catches the boy’s eyes looking at him behind the fish bowl and replies with a wink. Rubbing his one eye, Haruya huffs a laugh;

-‘’ You made brownies. ‘’

-‘’ Yeah. ‘’ Ao stands up; ‘’ - Come get to the table, I’ll bring the fish over. ‘’

Forty-eight-piece coloured pencils and few blank sheets of paper scattered around. A nicely served piece of brownie on a dark blue plate and a goldfish in the middle of the small, walnut table. Sitting parallel to Haruya, Ao’s attention is on a new Japanese cookbook in front of him, published by an eager American chef, and that _shottsurunabe_ does not look like a proper one.

Ao sees a sketch paper being slid to his direction and closes the book. Placing his fingers on it, he turns the fashion sketch to himself and examines it;

It's a navy blue six buttoned suit, colourful but very thin floral detailing traveling between the golden buttons, main colours given with light-gold thread, red and an unaccented purple. The tie and the pocket square matching red. The model of the sketch is undoubtedly Ao himself, judging by the white accent on the hair.

Haruya explains;

-‘’ It’s for you. You always bake me things and don’t leave me alone so I,…- ‘’ Leaving that sentence hanging, he moves to eagerly explaining the design; ‘’- I know you prefer double-breasted jackets, I kept the jacket length longer and the tailor should make the shoulders structured but the overall silhouette is relaxed, rather than fitted.. I wrote it there anyway but-‘’ He continues; ‘’- Pants should be fitted though, since it is a wedding suit, in case you get married or something.. However I didn’t design a wedding dress because it strike me so that they are all white and I don’t like white. ‘’ Ao lets a sincerely impressed whistle out and looks at the teen;

-‘’ God damn, boy.. You do know what I like, not gonna lie. ‘’ He then thanks him and points at the emerald green folder on the table; ‘’- What else you got there? ‘’

Haruya takes out more sketches from the folder. Then extending his hand to an ocean blue pencil, goes back to designing. Ao sees a particularly standing out jacket there; at the back, red, yellow and bright orange filling the pattern consisting of a goldfish and peonies.

That, is an _irezumi_ pattern if Ao has ever seen one.

Smirking, he asks, turning the paper to him;

-‘’ Where did you get the idea for this? ‘’ On that, Haruya gives him that one grin that he does when he tries to lie or hide something. In the end, he reveals;

-‘’ I’ve been watching some movies.. My mother said that I shouldn’t watch them but I saw some pretty colours there and I like to draw inspiration as you see. ‘’

-‘’ I see.. Interesting. ‘’ Ao goes through the sketches carefully, long aware of the skill Haruya has for designing and how valuable these papers are; ‘’- Don’t worry about the wedding dress though..‘’ He mumbles the next sentence, forgetting the fact that the other has the sharpest ears; _‘’- If one thing, I’d ask for an another suit if I could..’’_

Haruya takes some time to decipher that sentence, he then asks with a mischievous look in his bright eyes; _‘’- Does it work like that too, Ao? ‘’_

They come eye-to-eye, Haruya lifts his brows up questioningly. Lowering the papers onto the table, Ao closes his eyes and lifts a hand to facepalm slightly; _‘’ You did this to yourself Aozaki Shuu.. ‘’_ ;

-‘’ Maybe one day. Probably not in our motherland, but here, maybe. ‘’ He only wishes there, little does he know, same-sex marriage was going to be legalized in NYC in July twenty-fourth two thousand and eleven.

-‘’ Does my mother know? ‘’ Aozaki hesitates there for a second, but then gives him a nod;

-‘’ _Yes of course. She’s my dear friend._ ‘’

‘’- Oh I am glad. ‘’ Haruya says, and excitedly takes a blank paper; ‘’- I can design a suit for myself and Alfred now I think if that’s a thing-‘’

_‘’- Who’s Alfred? ‘’_

_Oh._

_Moves slowing down all of a sudden_ , the boy travels his gaze on the table, trying to think of a way out. Then quietly putting down the pencil, he takes the plate of brownies and turns his back to Ao on his chair.

‘’- Fine. ‘’ Ao says; ‘’- I’ll ask your mother then.’’

‘’- Please don’t. ‘’ Comes a small voice, then the clatter of fork on plate as Haruya takes a piece from the dessert and fixes his eyes to the reproduction of _Malinconico’s_ ‘ _Il Buon Samaritano’_ painting across the wall; ‘’- Alfred was my ballroom dance partner back in sixth grade. We won a competition. ‘’ He looks back to Ao; ‘’- I liked him very much. My mother doesn’t know, Alfred didn’t know either. ‘’ Back to the painting; ‘’- _No one has to know-_ ‘’

_’'- I don’t want to be seen weirder than I already am. ‘’_

Ao asks after a silence;

-‘’ _I loved a man._ He’s a real piece of shit, but I loved him. Does that make me weird, young man? ‘’ The reply comes quick;

-‘’ No. That’s not my point. ‘’ He adds; ‘’- You’re a good person, but that’s also besides the point. You’re strong, no one could say anything to you even if you chose to not hide anything, I am sure. But I got bullied in every school I went to in Japan. ‘’

''- No one knew about my.. _tendencies_ , though..''

Haruya continues eating after that. Ao nods to himself, thinking of what to do about the situation.

-‘ _’ I wonder what he’s doing..’’_ Haruya mumbles to himself after a while.

-‘’ Sorry, what? ‘’

-‘’ Alfred. I wonder what he’s up to. ‘’

Letting out a sigh, Ao stands up and walks to the fridge; ‘’- You can send him a letter. Would be romantic. ‘’ Haruya giggles on that;

‘’- Please don’t make fun of me Ao. I am already embarrassed. ‘’

Ao laughs while putting a glass of apple-pear _kompot_ in front of the teen. Then he pours himself a glass of whiskey before settling to where he was sitting earlier;

‘’- Na, _Haruya-san_ , I feel like we can have a conversation. Man-to-man. What do you say? ‘’

Chewing on his bottom lip, Haruya moves his head, right to left. Then he puts down the now empty plate and turns to Ao; ‘’- I think we can do that, _Aozaki-san_. ‘’

They have a heartfelt conversation; starting slowly from what it is all about, Haruya is given an assurance that it is okay, that it is a thing, and _that he is not a unique species on Earth_. Then moving to what to be careful of and what kind of people to be cautious of.

Along the way, when it is time.

Ao tries his best to explain everything in a way that a unique fourteen-year-old such as Haruya would understand. He answers his questions carefully, giving them a thought first himself.

He sees the boy doesn’t quite have a concept of gender similar to other people for example. He clearly explains what the rest sees on that, but refrains from drawing lines on things open to necessary re-thinking.

At the end, the repeated assurance that _he is not alone_ , and he can talk to Ao whenever he gets stuck.

But the rest, the acceptance of oneself and one’s orientation, the older man knows this young man has to come to terms by himself. And he trusts that he is more than capable of that.

* * *

After the conversation, Ao sees the clock and gets up; ‘’- I almost forgot, your mother told me to make sure you took your medicine before you sleep. ‘’ 

''-Let's see..''

After opening the small pouch Himekami left by the microwave, he reads some nicely written instructions, and then puts a spoon and a syrup bottle in front of the boy.

The other does not make a move. They come eye-to-eye, Ao gives him a move of his head as in _‘’what’s wrong? ‘’_

Haruya explains, tying knots on the strings of his pastel yellow hoodie;

‘’- I understand that I have to take these drugs to make my system stronger. So that I don’t faint or get sick all the time-‘’ He lifts a finger up to the bottle; ‘’- But that one makes me nauseous after I take it. I don’t tell my mother, but I feel very bad afterwards, Ao.‘’

‘’- I see.. this one is new, right?-‘’ Ao takes the leaflet that comes with the syrup package and takes a look at the _long_ list of side-effects. Understanding, he nods, but unfortunately knows how heart-wrenching it all gets if he doesn’t take his medication.

He scratches the side of his lip and offers an idea;

-‘’ You know, I might have certain movies waiting in a drawer, that might suit to your liking.. Some _Fukasaku_ , maybe even _Kitano_ -‘’ Haruya jumps on that;

-‘’ Do you have _Sonatine?_ ‘’ Ao gives a nod;

-‘’ Yes I do. ‘’ On that, the boy extends for the syrup bottle and the spoon;

-‘’ Well played. I accept your bribe, Aozaki Shuu. ‘’

* * *

Haruya moves closer and closer to the TV whenever a tattooed thug appears or the scenery focuses on the bluest shores of Okinawa. Ao tries to call him back onto the couch but lets go once he understands that he isn’t a part of the other’s perception right now.

-‘’ It’s snowing. ‘’

-‘’ Hm? ‘’ Ao hums then turns to the direction of the window. He sees the whiteness falling down, reflections from the TV illuminating it; ‘’- It really is. ‘’

Letting go of the movie, Haruya crawls by the window and leans his back to a column connected to the wall to observe it; ‘’- I wish it wasn’t so white though. Makes me remember hospitals..and sickness.’’ He mumbles and lowers his hand onto his stomach, feeling the nausea acting up.

He blinks his eyes; ‘’- Orange would look nicer. Not a bright one, but a pale orange.‘’

He falls asleep there after a while, in the elegiac, childish thoughts of snow that is orange.

Ao turns the TV off. He brings a pillow, a bedsheet and a blanket from another room and in silence, prepares a bed for the other. He then picks him up to his arms, cringing quietly at the bones he feels under the thick fabric of the pastel colour hoodie.

-‘’ Ao? ‘’ Haruya opens his eyes as a thick blanket is spread onto his body. Ao puts a hand on his hair and sits down onto the floor, lowering down to his eyes. He looks at him carefully;

-‘’Is there anything I can do, for the nausea, or the pain? ‘’ Haruya shakes his head, his fingers curl around sheet of the pillow tightly;

-‘’ My mother constantly tells me to hold on, _‘’hold on, Haruya, hold on..’’_ Nowadays I am finding it hard to do so. I feel sad, and even though I have her and you, I feel lonely. Though I think it has something to do with what my mother calls puberty..‘’ He gives a small laugh.

-'' Well, my man already knows what's up. '' 

Outside, the snow starts falling faster.

‘’- _Na,_ Ao-‘’ 

They come eye-to-eye;

_‘’- The man you loved, was my father, right? ‘’_

Aozaki is quick to shake his head on that, huffing a laugh; ‘’- No, _of course not.._ Where did you get that from? ‘’

‘’- True, I am not the best when it comes to reading people’s emotions, still working on that. But I think I clearly heard your voice shake as you said ‘ _’ I loved a man-‘’_ Haruya’s gaze sharpens, making Aozaki escape his gaze, a move he rarely does;

‘’- Don’t lie to me. I feel comfortable talking to you because unlike my mother, I know you wouldn’t lie to me, _in my best shape, and in my worst_. ‘’

-‘’ Besides, I can’t think of any piece of shit other th-‘’

-‘’ Slow down. ‘’

-‘’ Sorry. ‘’

Ao sighs, the smile on his lips is a tight one; ‘’- I gave you way too much sugar, that’s for sure. ‘’ He lets the question lose its severity in the stream of time and asks, placing his one arm flat onto one corner of the pillow;

‘’- Would you like to listen to some music? Would that help a little? ‘’ On the other’s nod, he calls someone;

-‘’ Hey _Aisha_ , my girl, are you at the radio? ‘’ Aisha is one of the few people working under Ao at his restaurant specifically to learn from him. She has a part-time job in a night radio where the only job is to pick songs and make sure the stream is on. She confirms that she is at the radio, and that she is bored out of her mind. Ao requests a song from her;

-‘’ What I say, I have a really smart young man beside me, he’s a little in pain right now. Would you play a Leonard Cohen song for us? I am sure he would like it. ‘’

-‘’ You called it chef!-‘’ Aisha replies; ‘’- Turn on the radio in.. fifty seconds. ‘’

Ending the call, Ao extends for the small radio under the TV stand and places it down onto the coffee table. _‘’ Suzanne ‘’_ starts playing few seconds after.

‘’- I don’t blame you. ‘’ The boy murmurs, closing his eyes and focusing to the music; ‘’- _The heart wants what it wants_ , that’s what my mother says when I ask her _why. ‘_ ’

Biting the flesh inside his mouth, Ao closes his eyes, and slides off the black hairtie on his hair.

_‘’- I just hope that he didn’t hurt you, like he hurts my mother’s feelings all the time, Ao. Because you two are important to me._

_You're all I have.'’_

A piece of white-black hair falls down to his eyes as a tear drizzles down to his cheekbone-

* * *

**_Current Timeline –_ **

****

**‘’-** Yeah, from here the music will change. Can you give me.. an orange lighting, soft like.. snow, but orange.. ‘’ Contrary to the designer’s excited manner, the technician responsible for lighting gives him a blank look;

‘’- You want snow.. but orange? ‘’ The designer nods. On that, the technician adjusts few buttons, the lights around the guest chairs gets dimmed and a soft orange light creates a magical contrast to the blue velvet runway flooring.

Haruya stands up from his chair, another button is pushed and yellow sparkles starts traveling down in between the orange lights.

-‘’ How does that look? ‘’

-‘’ It’s perfect. ‘’ Haruya takes a deep breath in as he feels his heart beating faster. He then shakes his head and focuses;

-‘’ We’re starting the second part of the rehearsal-‘’ He informs while walking towards the backstage;

‘’- Are you ready girls? ‘’

The models at the backstage give him a confirmation in voiceful unity.

‘’- Put the music on then. ‘’

* * *

Keeping a rhythm with his head, Haruya carefully watches the models walk. Four, five, six outfits pass, then the next model starts walking in a long cut, light pink shirt embellished with swarovski crystals at the hems, a velvet dark blue skirt that falls down to the ankles, adorned in stars, moon and vector patterns in silver thread.

She is wearing matching platform shoes. Watching her, the designer's brows furrow as he thinks if the shoes are uncomfortable-

_Then she falls_ , making the rest of the crew down the runway cringe. Before anyone has the time to act, Haruya jumps to the runway in an agility that one wouldn't expect from a man of his serene nature. He sits on his knees next to her, signalling with his one hand to cut the music;

‘’- Muu, are you alright? ‘’ He asks as he unties the strap around the ankle of the shoe and helps her take the shoes off. ‘’- Can you walk? ‘’

The beautiful, dark-skinned model Muugi nods. Biting down on her lip to mask the pain she feels, she makes a move to stand up. Haruya supports her; ‘’- Hold on to me. ‘’

They slowly walk on the runway to get to the backstage. Haruya turns his head and sees Huzzam talking - _flirting-_ with a crew member outside the entrance door and yells, making the young intern jump;

 _-'’ Huzzam!- ‘’_ He quickly runs to the two. His chief tells him to go find some ice, so he runs back to find the wanted thing.

Haruya finds an uncrowded corner and makes the model sit on a chair. He takes the chair of one of the makeup stations and sits across her; ‘’- It’s your right ankle, right? Rest it here- ‘’ He gestures her to rest her foot on his knees, she hesitates, saying that it’s not needed. But Haruya gently lifts her right leg and she places her foot there, suppressing a hiss. Haruya has brought the shoes with him, he sends a look at them, then looks at the model’s feet;

-‘’ Were the shoes a little big for you? ‘’ Muugi nods, then presses her hand down her neck;

-‘’ That’s just the standard. Sorry, Haruya. That floor is the easiest to walk, I just, sorry. It will not happen at the show night.‘’ Haruya shakes his head;

-‘’ No, no. It’s not your fault-‘’ Huzzam comes with a ice bag with a towel wrapped around it. Lin and Natsuki arrives after.

Haruya puts the ice on her ankle; ‘’- Here, right? ‘’ Then he turns his _rather deadly_ eyes to his trainees; ‘’- Meet me at the _atelier_ after the rehearsal. We have a matter to talk. ‘’ The three look at each other in slight fear and nodding, they get lost quickly to create themselves things to do.

-‘’ Are you feeling better? I can take you to a doctor if you want. ‘’ Muugi takes the ice pack from the other and gives him a smile;

-‘’ It’s alright, I fell worse before. ‘’

Haruya stays with her few more minutes until it is time to continue the rehearsal;

‘’- Okay.. then to up your spirits, I'll tell you a joke that my boyfriend told me the other day. He always makes me laugh during the photoshoots, and the photographer gets annoyed at me... ‘’

_Someone from the crew takes a polaroid photo there; a photo that maybe will end up in someone’s archive and come to light many decades later; of a model and a legendary designer laughing; in between them, a warmth that is rare in the NYC fashion scene.._

* * *

After the rehearsal, the three trainees are looking at the designer sitting behind the long rectangular desk of the atelier. Various fabrics at his one side, sketches and pencils at other. The sun has almost fallen, it barely shines through the heavy, dark-coloured curtains.

Haruya lowers his hand to the floor, then grabbing the ankle-straps, lands the platform shoes down onto the desk. Natsuki and Huzzam makes a move to explain, but the designer lifts a hand up and stops them;

‘’- I understand. This is what you were taught in the design school; give the models bigger shoes, it accentuates the design, looks better- ‘’ He adds; ‘’- I was taught that too. I told the instructor to fuck off and got thrown out of the class. ‘’

He raises his voice, just enough; ‘’- Because it is two thousand and nineteen, folks. We have _4K_ cameras, I am sure the design will be clearly seen as the camera _focuses_ on it. _Because it can._ Are you seeing my point here? ‘’

Huzzam nods, lowering his gaze; ‘’- Yes we do, chief. ‘’

Haruya moves his shoulder and closes his eyes to suppress a tic; ‘’- Education is unfortunately something that fails to renovate itself. And it is restrictive, because I clearly remember telling you three to take proper sizes for the shoes before giving them to the models. ‘’

Natsuki and Huzzam once again make a move to explain themselves, Lin however stands still, hands crossed on her chest, knowing that she has no fault in this. Haruya stops them once again;

‘’- No, I don’t want to hear whose brilliant idea was to _follow the rules_ , instead of doing what is _sensible._ ’’ He lets out a long breath and relaxes. Once he is calm, he lifts his head and looks at them; ‘’- So, what you’re going to do is first, make sure my models are comfortable in the shoes they will be walking on the runway with. And second- ‘’ He takes an empty sketch paper and slides it to the three, and puts a pencil next to it;

‘’- You will design me an another shoe, because I am not putting this one to the show- ‘’ He lowers the platform shoes next to him onto the floor. ‘’- And since the show is in four days you’ll have to come up with a sketch till.. let me see..-‘’

He smiles; ‘’- Ah, _tonight._ ‘’ He stands up and gives them small pats of encouragement on their heads; ‘’- Good luck, order yourselves food okay? I will be getting a tattoo with my boyfriend so don’t send me anything until eleven. ‘’

He asks them to prove themselves to him _and to the brand team_ and then leaves the room.

Huzzam and Natsuki look at each other guiltily, Lin facepalms and takes out her phone to let her girlfriend know that she won’t be at home for tonight.

She then turns the lights on and takes a chair. She hands everyone a piece of paper; ‘’- and that, is why he is a genius and you two are stupid. ‘’

* * *

_Couple days later, the day before the show-_

Izaya is in front of the tall mirror, all ready and taking some selfies on his phone. In the back of his mind, comments he got from a rather rude photographer he had to work with two days ago..

His boyfriend comes out of the bathroom, mumbling an apology for sleeping in. Though it was Izaya who didn’t let his alarm go off at an ungodly hour of morning, and sent Aiki back at seven o’clock; telling her he hasn’t had a restful sleep in two days, ever since he has gotten the news of his mother’s condition worsening.

He catches him from his wrist; ‘’- Haruya.. what are you wearing, _what_ is that colour even? ‘’ The other looks down at the plain oversized shirt on him;

-‘’ It’s a pastel yellow. Why?‘’ Izaya huffs a laugh and shakes his head;

-‘’ No, not that-‘’ He takes him in front of the mirror and they stand next to each other; Izaya in an all-black outift, a leather jacket with silver detailing on his shoulders, a matching long earring on his right ear and red-bottomed heels, an overall slick look. And Haruya, in a pastel yellow shirt and dark grey jeans with matching faint yellow _Converse_ shoes. The earring he got from Aka on his left ear.

‘’- We’re going to have breakfast, right? There will be paparazzi, and _photos_..‘’ Izaya points at their reflection;

-‘’ We look like _Justin_ and _Hailey Bieber_. We’re not matching, _at all._ ‘’ Haruya tilts his head and holding the other’s hand, he examines their reflection a little;

-‘’ I thought we were more like _Meghan_ and _Prince Harry_..-‘’ He sends him a rather evil smile; ‘’- I see your point though. ‘’

He walks towards the closet; ‘’- I keep this here so that there wouldn’t be a risk of someone leaking it to the media before the show- ‘’ He opens a garment bag and takes out a blazer jacket; ‘’- I guess you can be the first one to show it to the world. ‘’

_‘’- This is the most valuable piece of the collection, Izaya. ‘’_

The model’s lips part slightly as he looks at the structured blazer, with pads on the shoulder, its colour orange but the lapels have a special pattern on a black background. Haruya smirks, turning the jacket around, he shows him an innovated pattern of _irezumi_ at the back; consisting of swarovski engraved goldfish and peonies; tones of orange, red and yellow mixing perfectly.

‘’- No way..’’ Izaya lets out and practically throws his leather jacket onto the carpet. Haruya gladly dresses his boyfriend, then wrapping his arms around his waist, he puts a kiss onto his left cheek;

‘’- So, are we _stylish_ enough to go have a breakfast, Orihara Izaya? Because as much as you’re hungry for publicity, I, am hungry for food. ‘’

.

.

.

_-‘’ You can't walk around with your beloved Americano in your hand, though.‘’_

_-‘’ Haruyaa-..’’_

_-'' Don't worry, I'll drink it for you while you pose for the paparazzi.''_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kompot; [ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kompot ]  
> *shottsurunabe; is a 'pot dish with white flesh fish'. It's Japan's Akita region's famous food. 
> 
> * Fukasaku Kinji (<3) and Takeshi Kitano (<3) are directors famous for their yakuza movies. Sonatine is Takeshi Kitano's 1993 film. The film is practically about a yakuza gang playing games by the Okinawan sea. .D I love it very much.
> 
> we love a 10/10 father yaaas Ao.


	5. Garden of Eden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not having great times nowadays so I'm sorry if this is not good '^'

**Chapter 5 –**

**Garden of Eden**

**‘’-** We’re at the backstage of _PARAIZO’s_ Fall 2020 collection, and I cannot tell you how excited I am to be walking in this beautiful outfit- ‘’ The model shows off her blue-brown tiger print coat and the heart-shaped gold ring at her right hand to the camera vlogging the event for her Youtube channel; ‘’- Accessories are huge in this collection, right? I think this is _his_ best collection so far..’’

She goes on, the camera turns to show the slightly chaotic backstage of the show; makeup artists and hairdressers working on the models at the same time, directors yelling the time left for the show every ten minutes, ready models taking selfies in groups…

‘’- I designed this one after a drunk night out.. I looked at the night sky, then walking on the pavement, I saw a warm yellow light coming from an apartment; For some reason I thought to myself.. ‘’I hope we still get to see this at.. _wherever we go, once we run out of tales..-‘_ ’ Haruya zips up the model’s long, dark blue and gold seamed dress that looked like it was out of a fairy-tale; ‘’- I was with somebody else at the time, he didn’t really care about me, just used me on his way to the top, then left me for _the City of Angels_..’’

‘’ - But knowing the design will be carried by you, takes away the melancholy tied to the memories I have with him. Thank you, _Dunia._ ‘’

‘’- That was _K._ right? You know we tried to warn you about him. I heard he isn’t doing well nowadays, drugs and all..‘’ The Afghani model Dunia turns to him, Haruya gives a guilty smile and taking the hairpins in her palm, he places stars and moon into her light brown hair.

She adds; ‘’- What about this.. _Izaya_? ‘’ Haruya gives a small shrug and tilts his head to see if he managed to place the hairpins like he envisioned;

-‘’ _I think he cares about me_. He still drags me into his _Snapchat_ stories, and runs an Instagram account on my name but.. I don’t know.. ‘’ He gives the model a pair of earrings, she turns to the mirror to put them on;

-‘’ You look happier. ‘’

-‘’ _I am._ When I am with him, I feel like I’ve found a thing that I’ve been searching for. That's the only way I can describe I think, as I am still trying to understand him.. and his strenght, beauty and self-reliance.. '' He adds;

‘’- I want to think that I am bringing him happiness too, but I think happiness isn’t the thing he’s striving for, _and that is my only fear.‘_ ’

_To be not enough for him one day._

_‘’- Five minutes! ‘’_

‘’- Are you nervous?-‘’ Izaya whispers into his ear as he wraps an arm around his waist; ‘’- Don’t be. This is phenomenal, delicate just enough and daring from it's nature, Haruya. I can’t wait to read the critics tomorrow morning. ‘’ He then unwraps his arm and takes a step back.

Traveling his gaze at the sparkling dresses and all-ready models, Haruya takes a breath in, and pressing a hand onto his chest, he gives a bow at the models; ‘’- I guess this is it. You all look perfect, and I hope you’re liking what you’re carrying. All of these designs have my memories, some from my childhood, also the prayers I have said for my mother.. In the end, I can proudly say that I gave this collection my all. I truly did…’’

_‘’ – Start the music. Tati, Nate and Muugi be ready. ‘’_

‘’- Good luck. I’m so happy to be working with every one of you.’’

The two-part show starts with mainly neutral and pastel colour outfits on the runway lit with light pink lights in the shape of sakura branches. After peeking a little at the camera screens recording the show, the designer feels the need to sit down; the lack of rest for over six months finally taking its toll on his body.

He quietly takes the chair of one of the makeup stations at the back and gives encouraging waves at the models rushing to change their outfits for the second part of the show. The white light-bulbs fall parallel to his slightly hunched silhouette.

‘’- You had to see _(..)’_ s artistic director’s face when he saw the detailing on the oversized pieces. God, I can practically feel the jealousy in the air..-‘’ Izaya puts a packet of pretzels in front of the designer. He smirks while nearing towards the mirror to fix his hair; ‘’- And they haven’t even seen the best pieces yet .‘’ He sneaks a quick kiss from the other and goes back to watch the show.

The music changes, runway lights turn to soft orange for the second half of the show.

Warm yellow sparkles start falling like snow..

Haruya takes a deep breath in and stands up to see Muugi in the orange blazer with the goldfish and peony pattern at the back. She gives a nod to him and he replies back the same-

His phone starts ringing.

The model walks in firm steps with the outfit that was going to be the famous piece declaring the name _Shiki Haruya_ as an unshakable authority over today’s NYC fashion scene.

_His phone rings_ , and the moment he sees his sister’s name on the screen, the fashion designer knows.

Because he has dreamt it the night before, and many nights before that. And he has asked Aiki to stay by his mother’s side today-

_‘’- You have to come here quick, Haruya. ‘’_

He vaguely shakes his head, and comes eye-to-eye with Izaya while lowering the phone from his ear. They walk to each other simultaneously. Haruya places a firm hand at the back of his neck, speaks in deep, quietly panicking syllables;

‘’- I have to go to the hospital- ‘’ Izaya’s eyes open bigger on that, but Haruya tells him to calm down and listen;

‘’- Don’t hide anything, explain to them, Izaya- ‘’ he adds, locking their eyes, he takes a sharp breath in;

_‘’- I trust you. ‘’_

Izaya counts in his mind then, it is something he’s been doing since meeting him; _‘’ one, two, three, four, five, six- ‘’_ at _seven_ , Haruya breaks the eye-contact and catching his coat, he runs towards the exit.

Izaya turns to the staff members and the team watching them with worried eyes. After a moment of hesitation, he turns to the sound engineer;

‘’- Prepare a microphone. ‘’

* * *

He catches Aiki just as she is out of the room his mother is in. Aiki sobs in his arms, and he feels himself getting weaker. So, he holds her tighter.

‘’- Go inside- ‘’ Aiki says once she breaks the hug and wipes her tears away; ‘’- Tell her you’re here. ‘’

Haruya turns his head to the door but finds himself painfully unable to move; ‘’- _I.._ come with me.‘’ 

Aiki shakes her head; ‘’- Look- ‘’ She takes the other’s face in between her palms and forcing a smile, she explains in a whispery, sometimes cracking voice; ‘’- She has signed a _DNR,_ you know what this means, _brother_. ‘’ Haruya closes his eyes, places his hands on top of hers, and Aiki wipes away the tears flowing down onto his cheeks with her thumbs;

_‘’- This is where we say goodbye, Haru. ‘’_

Haruya takes a shaky breath in, lifting his eyes to the ceiling. ‘’- I will be right here. ‘’ Aiki says as she grips the cold handle and opens the door for him.

And Haruya walks in to the room where the window is shut from the cold outside, and inside darker than the petals of purple peonies by her bedside. The sound of his own steps, the shuffling sound as he falls to the chair next to her like a ragdoll.

He extends his lightly trembling hand to her thin fingers. But cannot manage to touch. He hits to the side of the chair, takes out one of the peonies and crushes the flower inside his fist. Sounds, his breathing, stabbing pain at the back of his neck, inside his brain.. He tries to focus to the texture, he imagines the flower a softer, quality velvet in his palm.

After a while, closing his eyes, he leans in and holds his mother’s hand.

‘’- I’m here. I came, mom. ‘’

That must be the entire world’s weight on his shoulders as his back hunches and his voice thins out. He puts his head next to her hand, crushed petals turn into silk threads as he drags his hand on the white sheets and clenches his fist. He is here, right beside his mother as she runs out of tales to tell him.

He starts begging her not to leave him then…

* * *

The clapping settles slowly as Izaya walks on the runway with PARAIZO’s team behind him. Lights catch his eyes, flashes start snapping faster. He lifts the microphone;

‘’- Thank you for coming to the see PARAIZO’s Fall 2020 collection.. Behind me is the great team who worked with the brand’s creative director, _Shiki Haruya_ on this show that took a little more than half a year to put together. ‘’ He takes a step to the side and points his empty hand at the team. The guests shower them in a sea of applause, Izaya waits and gives everything its moment before continuing.

_All that time, Haruya’s words ringing inside his mind; ‘’ I trust you. ‘’_

‘’- But unfortunately, Haruya had to leave just before the end of the show.. As some of you closer to him might know, he has been dealing with other issues while working incredibly hard on this collection. Namely, his mother’s illness..’’ He feels an abrupt wave of emotions surge inside his chest, _the virtue_ he has gained under a loving hand; He remembers Osaka, the sun-fallen days he spent right beside his grandmother.

He ignores the dryness in his throat and forces himself to continue;

‘’- While it hasn’t been very long since I’ve met him, I know that designing is the only thing that got him through these hard months.. Every phone-call he got, his heart skipped a beat, I’d see him extending for the nearest piece of fabric around his desk before answering the call. ‘’

‘’- Because designing is not a job or even a passion for him. That is just how he breaths, and the designs you’ve just seen were nothing but the ups and downs of his chest, as he wished..while adorning these outifts in his atelier, that his mother would stay with him a little longer…- ‘’

The models start walking out of the backstage and stand behind Izaya, in prayer embroidered dresses of night blue, orange and dark purple. Some has tears gently running down in between pale-yellow glitter and highlight reflecting to the cameras eagerly focusing on their faces. Some lift their chin up and look straight and strong at the flashes, _because they are proud, and Shiki Haruya deserves it._

Izaya knows he can’t hold back longer, he gives a bow to hide the shakiness of his voice;

‘’- On his behalf, I want to thank you for being here tonight. He appreciates, really, _people around him_. ‘’

Everyone stands up, a stronger round of applause. Izaya runs back to the backstage and is met with Muugi extending him his fur-lined jacket;

‘’- The car is waiting outside, me and Dunia will join you. The rest will take the next Uber. ‘’ Izaya nods to her while wearing his jacket. Muugi slips off the orange blazer on her shoulders and extends it to someone from the team. Dunia puts on a coat and the three quickly exit the building.

* * *

‘’- Aiki, I’m so sorry-‘’ Once they arrive to the hospital, first Muugi, then Dunia wraps Aiki into heartfelt hugs. Izaya quickly walks to the ajar door. He didn't think that he’d come face to face with that familiar scene again; the white sheets pulled up, a nurse and a doctor; heartbroken flowers crumbled on the floor.

‘’- Please get him out of the room. ‘’ The nurse asks. Izaya gives her a vague nod and looks at the fashion designer of the decade; looking small in his boyish silhouette, now one more step lost; because this is what it means; a fist clenched painfully on the iron corner of the chair he has hunched on.

He takes in a sharp breath when Izaya crouches beside him and gently places his hand on one side of his face. Izaya thinks he might break, really, if something made a sound a little on the higher side. He has also observed that he is the kind of man who collapsed into himself the quietest. Izaya isn’t sure what to say first, he wets his lips turns his face to himself. He speaks in the quietest voice he can manage, to his tear-woven brown eyes;

‘’- We have to leave the room. ‘’

Haruya’s fingers spread on the other’s wrist, but he closes his eyes and shakes his head. Muugi comes into the room and lowers next to Izaya.

He feels lightheaded, that erratic heartbeat of his, he is painfully familiar with; ‘’- I might faint..’’ He lets out silently, though he is somewhere between _‘’ I want to faint ‘’_ and _‘’ I want to sleep and want this all to be a nightmare ‘’_

While Muugi doesn’t understand Japanese, she has been working with Haruya for years, long-overcoming the language barrier. She gets into his arm and assures him that they won’t let him stumble. Izaya too, wraps an arm around his shaky figure and they slowly walk out of the room..

‘’- Don’t look-‘’ Izaya says there, sticking his forehead to his temple; ‘’- Don’t look back, Haruya. ‘’ 

The designer’s weight falls onto the nearest chair outside the room as more models arrive to the hospital; the ones who has worked with him for a long time, genuinely caring about him, _as he cared about them._ They lower down, sit next to him and quietly share few words of condolence. Highlighted cheeks leaned to his shoulders, their touches strong and warm on his still shaking hands. He looks at their glimmering outfits and cracks a smile;

‘’- My girls are here for me.’’

Across them, Dunia and Aiki comes back; ‘’- The press is outside. ‘’ Aiki rubs her forehead; ‘’- The brand wants to know if we’re going to cancel the after-party.. I..-‘’ She lets out a frustrated breath; ‘’- I don’t know what to do-‘’

‘’- No, we’re not cancelling it. ‘’ Izaya firmly says while travelling his gaze at the three women; ‘’- He has worked so hard for this and we all know this collection is the best thing that happened to this industry in a long time. We can manage; his team will be there, Aiki and I will be there- ‘’ He holds the models’ hands; ‘’- You girls are going to be there. ‘’ The models agree immediately. After taking couple deep breaths to calm herself down, Aiki gives a nod too;

‘’- Okay..’’

‘’- Okay- ‘’ Izaya takes out his phone and walks towards the end of the hallway to return the call he received from Akabayashi Mizuki.

**

In a studio with bunch of assistants and photographers running around, Aka hands the makeup palette in his hand to his apprentice Ann, and runs his fingers through his hair while walking to an uncrowded corner;

-‘’ So it is true? ‘’

-‘’ Unfortunately yes, Akabayashi-san. We’re with Haruya, you don’t have to worry. But I think it’d be better if _you_ told Aozaki-san. ‘’ Aka lets out a deep breath;

-‘’ I’ll call him. ‘’ He then adds after mumbling something along the lines of _‘’ God..that poor boy..’’_ ; ‘’- Just in the day of his show.. So, what is the plan, are you cancelling the after-party? ‘’

-‘’ No we’re not. And I called you for that. I’d like you to join us there. ‘’ Aka looks out of the window, brows furrowed as he recalls his husband’s schedule;

-‘’ Okay.. I’ll call Shuu and return to you, alright? ‘’

With that, he opens the window to let some air in. One palm pressed hard on the windowsill, his gaze on the illuminated city. He calls his husband;

-‘’ Shuu, I have to tell you something. ‘’ Aka rubs his eyes; ‘’- You’re not near anything sharp, right? ‘’ Ao is at his restaurant, preparing for _very_ important guests tonight. His brows furrow, he asks;

-‘’ What is going on, Mizuki? ‘’

Aka knows there is no easier way around this; ‘’- Himekami-san.. has passed away. ‘’

‘’- I saw the news on some sites, but then Izaya-kun called and confirmed it.. I’m so sorry.’’ After that, he listens to the relative silence at the other line. Sounds of busy kitchen slowly leads itself to complete silence except his husband’s heavy breathing.

-‘’ Are you okay, Shuu? ‘’

-‘’ Yeah.. ‘’ Ao is in an empty repository room now. He opens the small window there and places a hand at his left side; ‘’- I am okay. ‘’ Someone enters into the room after him. Turning his head, Ao sees Aisha looking at him in a concerned expression; ‘’- Are you okay, chef? ‘’ She whispers upon seeing he is having a phone call.

Ao places his palm to the speaker of the phone and turns to her; ‘’- Would you get me a glass of water, Aisha? I’m okay.. Thank you. ‘’ She nods and goes back to the kitchen in quick steps. Ao returns to the call;

-‘’ How are they? ‘’

-‘’ They’re not alone. ‘’ Aka adds; ‘’- Looks like Aiki and Izaya-kun have decided to go with the after-party of his show. I’m supposed to be there, but since you have guests tonight, would it be better if I stayed with Haruya instead? ’’

‘’- The ambassador has arrived, chef. ‘’ Aisha informs while extending him the water. Thanking her, Ao takes a few sips, thinking of what to do, then replies to his husband;

‘’- Okay let’s do it like this; you stay with him. I’ll wrap up everything here as fast as possible, then I will come and stay with the boy, and you’d attend the event-‘’ He then adds;

‘’- I know you’re sensitive to these things, so I’d understand if you can’t deal with it, Mizuki. So, be honest with me and talk to me, because he will not be good, and I don't want you to get.. affected. ‘’

‘’- No I understand, I don’t deal well with these things..‘’ The cold is exceptional tonight, giving Aka’s tan skin a reddish tint; ‘’- But I can’t be like that to the end. I’m forty-nine, I have to get over some things..’’ He sighs; ’’- Besides, how could I leave him alone Shuu? I know you were always there for him, but I care about him as much as you do. ‘’

‘’- I know..-‘’ Despite the heaviness on his chest, Ao’s lines softens; ‘’- I know you do, Mizuki. ‘’ He then quickly tells him few things that he knows _will_ calm Haruya down, if needed.

-‘’ Got it.. I love you. ‘’

-‘’ I love you too. ‘’

With that, Ao turns to the woman next to him. 

-‘’ Are you really..okay, chef? ‘’

-‘’ I am fifty-five, I just learned that my dearest friend has passed away..-‘’ He shakes his head and waits for the tight feeling at his left side to go away; ‘’- No, I am not okay, my girl.. ‘’

-‘’ I am so sorry. ‘’ Ao nods, accepting the condolence. Then letting a breath out, he closes the window.

‘’ - But this isn’t the first time I had to serve guests after getting horrible news. ‘’ He mumbles while turning to the direction of the iron door. He sweeps up his sleeves;

‘’- Let’s do this, Aisha. ‘’

* * *

Gently wiping off the glossy marks they left, models leave to get ready for the after-party. Because _an after-party of a fashion show is the final mark of its success,_ and they are determined to carve the success the designer _deserves_ to this event.

After that, Izaya walks in front of him and putting his one hand onto his knee, he crouches down; ‘’- Press is here. A lot of them. You kinda have to power through until we get to the apartment. ‘’ The designer gives the faintest nod and biting onto the flesh in his mouth, wears his matte-black sunglasses.

The three walk past the hospital corridors and come face-to-face with the dozens of cameras and reporters barely held back by the hospital security; ‘’ Is it true that your mother has passed away? ‘’ – ‘’ Tonight your new collection for PARAIZO…- ‘’ – ‘’ Can we hear your feelings, Haruya? ‘’ – ‘’ Haruya, how are you feeling- ‘’

Both Aiki and Izaya stops when Haruya does.

The designer wets his lips and lifts his head up to the continuous flashes; ‘’- It is true. Unfortunately... my mother has passed away after.. years long fight with her illness. ‘’ Words get stuck to his throat, his first language weeping quietly inside, second language trying to hold on to syllables..

‘’- May we ask what was her illness? ‘’ One of the reporters ask.

Haruya’s fingers lift up to his glasses, the flashes starting to hurt his brain; ‘’- It.. affected her blood cells, that is all I can say. ‘’

‘’- Mr. Haruya, it was speculated few years ago by a certain gossip website that your mother’s illness was a hereditary one- ‘’ The reporter’s sentence gets cut by another reporter, asking about his emotions right now. Izaya gives the shortest look to Aiki there, but she escapes her eyes and doesn’t look at him.

‘’- My emotions.. ‘’ Haruya mumbles and repeats; ‘’- My emotions..- ‘’ He quietly holds Izaya’s one hand there, for some strenght. Cold biting into his chest;

‘’- Half of my world just got taken away from me. That’s what I am feeling. And with that, I will have to ask some privacy in the upcoming weeks, for me and my family. Thank you. ‘’

With that, they move forward towards the grey vehicle waiting for them. Just beside the car door, one particular question catches the designer’s ears instead of the dozen being asked at the same time;

‘’- We haven’t seen Shiki Reiya in a long time, Mr. Haruya- ‘’

He turns his head to the female reporter;

 _‘’- I don’t know where he is. ‘’_ Then he gets into the car, Aiki and Izaya follow. With the assistance of hospital security holding back the cameras trying hard to stick to the car’s black-filmed windows, the car speeds off to the NYC streets.

* * *

‘’- God, why does he have to close it so tightly.. like we get it, you're working out, you have muscle-‘’ Izaya mumbles, clearly annoyed, while trying to unscrew the lid of the lip-gloss in his hand which he _kind of_ stole from Aka. Silently settling next to him, Haruya takes the cylinder tube, wraps it into a sturdy fabric and opens it for him;

‘’- His apprentice complains too..’’ He mumbles like he is talking to himself as he watches the orange-faint yellow glitter sparkle on Izaya’s naturally coloured lips.

He feels tired and leans his head onto his shoulder. Izaya is wearing a variation of the goldfish and peony blazer, this one is lilac and the fabric material is softer. Few cars speed off on the road outside, though the window is closed, their sounds echo in his brain. He furrows his brows slightly.

Without disturbing him, Izaya puts the lip gloss onto the vanity, then sticks his cheek to Haruya’s hair. The tone of his voice far from the annoyed one earlier;

-‘’ I know this is not the right time to ask but.. Is it true that your mother’s illness _is_ hereditary? ‘’ He asks, remembering Shiki Himekami’s words in a completely different light now; _‘’_ _What you just named as fragility, is something that runs in my family’s blood’’_. Haruya gives a small nod;

-‘' It is, and I have it. But I’ll likely be fine as long as I take my medication and be mindful of things like..-‘’ He gives a faint shake of his hand; ‘’- Sticking to a good diet, getting enough sleep, not tiring myself out so much..’’ Izaya looks at him as in ‘’ _which you do ‘’_ but doesn’t push further;

-‘’ I see.. Thanks for telling me. ‘’

They hug, ‘’- Akabayashi-san will be here shortly. ‘’ Izaya says, though Haruya hasn’t been following anything after his sister’s phone call; the after-party, models, glitter.. are all a blur and continues to be so. He just knows he is tired, but sleep also sounds like a nightmare.

Only sounds. The door being left ajar after his boyfriend kisses him goodbye, horrifying traffic outside and four-inch heels on mahogany stairs. Sounds, even the ones he is not supposed to hear, and certainly not as loudly.

Now alone in his bedroom, he feels a certain panic build up on his chest. He first rubs his one eye, then moves his shoulder, relieving a tic. The more he tries to process, the more the pain behind his neck aggravates. A teal colour fabric on his desk, should have been blue, and cashmere, but should do for now.

He takes the fabric, folds it, brushes his fingers on it, makes it into a knot and then unties it. Starting over again, he certainly doesn’t hear himself mumble-

_‘’- I don’t understand. ‘’_

But Aka hears it. He climbs the stairs as quiet as possible, like his husband told him. Entering inside from the ajar door, he has a long, light blue cashmere fabric in his one hand that he spotted at downstairs next to a harp. He also takes the black robe made of a thick material, draped over the small armchair next to the sumptuous canopy bed.

He crouches in front of the designer, switches the fabrics in a soft move, then speaks, again, as quiet as possible;

‘’- You don’t need to understand anything. ‘’ He unbuttons the fitted plain blazer on him and dresses him into the warm robe. Then he puts his hand on his right cheek and lifts his eyes up to him; ‘’- You need rest, Haruya. ‘’

A teardrop loses its form in the crevice between his thumb and index finger, and passing the lipstick stain from a swatch he did earlier, thins out at his wrist. He wipes the rest off with the back of his hand.

 _-‘’ I wasn’t ready, Aka. ‘_ ’ Haruya says; ‘’- You asked me if I was..and I wasn’t. ‘’ A jet passes the night sky outside there, which only aggravates his pain further. Aka catches him immediately, somewhere instinctively, when two shaky arms wrap around his neck and the young designer _crumbles_ into sobs;

 _-‘’ Why does everything have to be so loud-‘’_ He lets out, a thread away from shouting. Thin fingers move to cover his ears, only partly successful, eyes shut tightly. Something freezes in Aka’s chest. But he quickly recovers and covers Haruya’s ears, leading his forehead onto his torso.

He doesn’t say anything, knows it is better to let the time pass in the shaking of this young man’s breathing. Few feeble syllables continuously suffer there; and the hand clenched at one side of his jacket tightens time to time whenever a car passes a little too fast or a group of bikers decide to have some fun.

Holding him to safety, Aka is reminded of the times he was afraid; a child at his mother’s knees, a child drawn to a corner, nothing else.. Fear, as an emotion was quite a universal one, despite the differences of the cause.

* * *

Aka is sitting at the edge of the deep-red covered bed when Ao comes into the room. A pillow on his knees, Haruya’s fine black hair spilling onto it, ever so slightly caressed, where he lays with his hands between his thighs.

Aka lifts his head up and looks at his husband, look in his eyes unusually tired, it is also a deeply sad one, which is rare. He speaks after Ao walks to him and puts a small kiss to his forehead;

‘’- I didn’t know he suffered this much- ‘’ He lowers his eyes and tucks a piece of black hair to the back of the sleeping person’s hair; ‘’- Must have been hard for you, standing by his side. ‘’ He then points at the small blanket folded on top of a vacant chair.

Ao unfolds the blanket and covers Haruya’s figure; ‘’- It wasn’t. Even if it was, it is worth it. ‘’ He adds; ‘’- _They’re_ not always as intense, he’s come a long way, learned to manage it all. ‘’ He sighs deeply; ‘’- Only not today. ‘’

-‘’ Are _you_ okay? You worried me on the phone there. ‘’

-‘’ She was very dear to me. ‘’ Aka nods to that, knowing they will have the rest of the conversation later in their home, into the deep hours of the night.

‘’- I brought the suit you wanted, you can change in the next room. ‘’ Ao says, then they carefully lower him onto the mattress, and leave the room.

* * *

After seeing off his husband to the after-party, Ao goes to the small kitchen decorated with fashion sketches. He is in the intention of cooking something light but nutritious for Haruya, and decides on chicken soup. After closing the kitchen door, he settles few ingredients onto the marble and starts cooking.

He is watching the freshly falling snow from the small window when the door handle gets lowered and he sees a pair of bloodshot brown eyes peeking inside;

-‘’ Ao.. ‘’ Aozaki shuts down the window and puts off his cigarette. They meet in the middle, he puts a hand to the back of his neck and hides him into a large embrace, his black turtleneck giving the other small chills, as the fabric has been taking in the cold air outside. A silence.

-‘’ She fought a lot- ‘’ Comes out from Haruya;

-‘’ Yes, she did. ‘’

-‘’ But, Ao; I- ‘’ There, gently placing his palms on his cheeks, Ao lifts his face up and stops him;

-‘’ We’ll talk. But first I want you to eat something, you have been tiring yourself out and you have to stay healthy, especially during these times, okay? ‘’ Then he directs him to the table and puts a cup of chicken soup in front of him;

-‘’ Try to eat it with the bread. ‘’

‘’- Thank you Ao. ‘’ Haruya puts the spoon to the side after finishing the soup which warmed him nicely. He then asks, recalling the events now that he feels calmer, or rather more _static_ ; ‘’- Did.. Aiki went with Izaya to the after-party? ‘’

Ao nods from the windowsill he has leaned and placed his palms flat onto; ‘’- Yes. Mizuki is there too, you have a great team, wonderful friends; they have your back, don’t worry. ‘’

‘’- I’m not worrying, I did my best, I put out a.. nice collection. ‘’ He then bits down on his lip, and travels his gaze around the kitchen. Ao quickly figures out what he is thinking;

‘’- Everyone’s way of processing loss is different, Haruya. Maybe she thought it would be better if she didn’t face everything immediately after. ‘’

Haruya thinks for some time; ‘’- I.. just shut down, I couldn’t be there for her- ‘’ He rubs his eyes without putting much pressure, as they are burning; ‘’- I don’t know..’’

Aozaki’s lines softens as he looks at him carefully. He sees how much he has grown emotionally ever since Himekami followed his advice and decided to adopt Aiki; who has lost her parents -whom were Aozaki’s acquaintances- in a traffic accident.

He remembers the times he barely looked at her, struggled for months to make a bond. Now, he has come to worrying about being there for her.

Ao gives a smile, that is process;

‘’- I am sure there will be times where you will be there for her, and I am sure you will do it easily. ‘’ Ao says; ‘’- It’s okay. ‘’

_Meanwhile him and Mizuki has consulted with few people, some attorneys, filled out countless forms and has been preparing for a possible home study to possibly adopt a child…_

Ao sighs as his eye catches at his jacket draped onto one of the chairs. He walks to the table, and after placing the dishes into the dishwasher, he turns to him;

‘’- I have to give you something. Let’s go upstairs. ‘’

* * *

He is next to him on the edge of the bed as Haruya reads his mother’s will; with his head low, the tinted paper shaking in his fingertips; and time to time, few quiet tears hangs on the curve of his lip before he wipes them off with the back of his arm.

Once he is done reading, he gently re-folds the paper and holds it safely under his palms. He stares into space for some time, a deep, hollow feeling in his chest.

‘’- She also gave me the documents concerning the sale of the mansion. Since.. she passed away before the sale was complete, you have the right to give the final signature. ‘’ He vaguely nods;

‘’- Please keep them. I.. have to think about it for some time.. That is my home, Ao. But it is also more than that. ‘’

‘’- Of course. However you want. ‘’ Then Haruya’s phone starts vibrating on the chair near Ao. Extending his arm, he takes it and gives it to the other.

Haruya looks at the name on the bright screen and mumbles; _‘’- My father is calling. ‘’_

He answers the call;

-‘’ Dad? ‘’

‘’- _Do not_ do anything about the sale of the mansion, Haruya. I will be there with the first flight tomorrow. ‘’

And that’s it. He hangs up.

Lowering the phone from his ear, Haruya takes in a _deep_ breath, lifting his eyes up and sucking his cheekbones in; ‘’- He's coming here. ‘’

‘’- I heard. ‘’

His fists clench on the bedding; ‘’- He has the audacity..- ‘’ He halts his words as his shoulders shudder and he turns his head away from Ao; ‘’- He was lost all this time, and now.. he- ‘’

Aozaki’s brows furrow as Haruya hides his face in his hands and _yells_ his sentences, likely unaware that he is;

‘’- _I wanted to free her out of that heaviness in her eyes, Ao. I couldn’t.. I wanted to grow gardens for her, I couldn’t. I was too busy; she said to me, in her last sentences, that she missed the sakura tree near her home, the breath of her home-country, but she never mentioned him. And that is what is heavy on me-_ ‘’

‘’- She's been silent.. and I heard everything.‘’ He quietens; ‘’- I knew.. how much pain she was in-‘’ Ao tries to stop him, but he shakes his head to himself and continues;

‘’- No one can know it better than me. And he can’t.. just- ‘’ Once again, his voice gets progressively higher; ‘’- He can’t just come here with the first fucking flight after the worlds got taken away from me..’’

‘’- Okay- ‘’ Ao lowers down to his knees and holds him still by the sides of his arms; ‘’- Cry as much as you want, my child, break if necessary, but don’t do this. ‘’ He looks into his eyes; ‘’- You are going to get sick if you don’t calm down. So, stop. ‘’ Then he doesn’t break eye contact with him as he takes deep breaths and eventually loosens his muscles.

-‘’ I don’t want him to come here. ‘’ Ao wipes his tears off, then fixes the robe on him to make sure he is not cold;

-‘’ He will come, and you will face him and say him everything that needs to be said. _Everything._ ‘’ Haruya looks at him blankly for some time, maybe not believing that he can, but then nods, taking strength from Ao’s steady eyes;

-‘’ Would you turn the lights off, they’re disturbing me. ‘’ Ao nods and stands up;

-‘’ Of course. ‘’

And he waits for him at the armchair by his bedside, just like he did years ago, every time the one who was _supposed to_ weren’t there, until he falls asleep.

* * *

Haruya opens his eyes when the weight at the other side of the bed changes, but the blanket gets pulled upto his eyes before he has the chance to see who it is. Izaya talks, failing to whisper, his voice sounds tired and sometimes breaks in certain syllables; 

-‘’ Aozaki-san told me that the lights disturb you. I.., I’ll get up and turn them off after I rest a little. ‘’ He then joins him in the relative darkness under the blanket and places a kiss somewhere between Haruya’s cheek and under eye;

-‘’ Now.. you probably don’t care but.. I’ll tell you about the night- ‘’ He says, his sentences sloppy from fatigue and a little alcohol, probably. He gives him a long list of _important personas_ at the after-party, how was the overall feedback, and the critics he observed that left the party early, to prepare their corner at the magazines and websites..;

-‘’ You did it, Haruya. You played it with your rules, and created an iconic collection.. I am pretty sure you are no longer; ‘’ the son of Shiki Reiya ‘’ you are _‘’ Shiki Haruya ‘’_ but fuck all that- ‘’ He sighs. One more sentence before his eyes give up and he falls asleep;

‘’- You’re not alone as you go through all this, _and I've learned from the hard way that_ , that’s what matters in the end. ‘’

‘’- Thank you. ‘’ Haruya kisses him, then lowers the blanket to his chin. As Izaya sleeps, he straightens up on the bed, then keep his eyes closed for some time as he knows he will get dizzy if he stands up too fast.

He then walks across the room and flicks the lights off.


	6. The Family Jewels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate this. It's a little crowded because I can't write a chapter under 5000 words apparently. But It's very gay. and dramatic. and the world is on fire so..  
> Enjoy.

**Chapter 6 –**

**The Family Jewels**

‘’- Don’t tire me. I’ve just landed from a long flight, there is a funeral tomorrow, where I’ll face a lot of cameras after a long time. Just give me the documents or tell me where they are. ‘’

Afternoon sun is warm and on his right cheek, it is orange and falling in a wide line onto his desk at the direction of the window. He has his left hand on the desk, his mother’s emerald ring in between his fingers; ‘’- I would like to remind you, dad, that mansion has been under _Shiki_ family’s name for generations-‘’

He lifts his eyes to the full-sized mirror across the room and looks at his father’s sitting form, composed, one leg on the other and chin always high up, deep brown eyes never leaving him, _but never once has_ _seen him either_ ; ‘’- and _you married into my mother’s family_ and thus took the family name _‘Shiki’_ , not the other way around. Therefore, you have no right on that property, especially after the way you.. got lost when she _was_..- ‘’ He pauses and lowers his eyes to the ring, he will be bringing it to a jeweller and ask them to widen it to a size bigger.

‘’- I see-‘’ Shiki Reiya nods and smoothens the lapel of his white-suit jacket. One of the lapels have a thin embroidery of roses going down, done with a thick white thread, so it almost looks like an embossment; ‘’- I learned that the sale isn’t done yet. That means she must’ve left the decision to you.’’

He leans in and puts his hand onto the desk, his gold-white diamond ring reflects the colours of rainbow under sunrays; ‘’- Tell me, Haruya, are you really going to give away your home? Your childhood.."

''- Do you remember- ‘’

‘’- No. ‘’ Haruya shakes his head; ‘’- _You will not do that_. You’re only here to hear the things I want to say before I cut my ties with you. And I can assure you that you will not going to find anything you want in here. ‘’ He then takes a breath in turns to him. He looks into his eyes, and tries to _stay there_ , and immediately feels _the anxiety_ forming at the back of his neck;

-‘’ Why were you never there for her? ‘’ Shiki Reiya doesn’t even take a second to answer;

-‘’ She agreed to marry a gay man, _there are things you don’t know_ , and she refused to divorce me once the circumstances no longer called for us to continue this fake marriage, which again, she agreed to in the first place. Next question. ‘’

-‘’ Believe me, dad, I know. I know all of it. ‘’ Haruya’s expression gets cloudy, he feels like a grey cloud before a hard rain; ‘’- Why were you never there for me, then? I am your blood, _I am_ your son. ‘’ The old designer lets out a huff and leans back in his chair, waving a dismissive hand at his direction;

-‘’ I understand. You’re emotional, let’s just have this talk after the funeral. ‘’ He turns to stand up and leave but the other’s sentence stops him;

_‘’- You’ve read the critics on yesterday’s show, right? ‘’_

On that, he turns back on his chair and crosses his arms on his chest. He lifts a brow up to him; ‘’- Yes I did. Congratulations, you wasted an entire collection designing for an uninspiring brand, while advocating _mediocre perspectives_ to international magazines. ‘’ Haruya nods his head and smiles bitterly as in ‘ _’ Is that so? ‘’;_

-‘’ Why were you embarrassed of me, father? Maybe because you foresaw the day I become _the designer_ , and your name will no longer be mentioned next to mine? Hm, did you count the articles?‘’

-‘’ Don’t be absurd. You know I always recognized your talent. You’re gifted, Haruya, but that does not mean you know how to _business_.‘’ Then he gives a smile, that he mostly sends with his eyes since the botox on his face hasn’t left much muscle to send emotion; ‘’- If you wanted to impress me, you should’ve accepted to design for _Louis V_. when you had the chance. ‘’

Haruya turns his back to him, the ring squeezed tight inside his one fist, he rubs his eyes against the sun; _‘’- I’m trying to talk to a wall. ‘’_ He mumbles, feeling _something_ on his chest, ready to drown him.

‘’- Like I said, you’re emotional, we’ll discuss later.‘’ Reiya stands up, walks to the door,

 _And slams it shut after him_ , making Haruya close his eyes and clench his jaw at the sound. Then it is all shaking, trying to breathe through the sounds, the light. He hates when he does that.

‘’- You’re hurting me.‘’

He opens the window in a one harsh move, doves fly off and the curtains shake in panic. He sees him walking to his car and yells; until he has no breath in his chest and no words left to say;

 _‘’- It was either you who was a ghost, or I was. Because you never saw me, dad!-‘’_ He hits to the wallpaper, a framed photograph of his mother tilts a little there; ‘’- And you know what, I decided that _you’re the ghost_. ‘’

‘’- Do you know what took my mother away, Shiki Reiya? Not her illness, no-‘’ He shakes his head, then yells again; ‘’- One dies when everything piles up here!-‘’ He hits his chest, feels something bleed somewhere but doesn’t care; ‘’- Here..’’ He repeats, voice cracking.

As his vision gets blurry, he takes an instinctual step back and his legs give up. He prepares himself, to the familiar moment of collision-

No. Because, Izaya catches him into his arms, having climbed up the stairs quickly upon hearing him.

_‘’- Haruya-‘’_

He hadn’t taken his medication in the past three days, and that is the only thing in his mind before he passes out.

* * *

Haruya’s doctor, a Japanese man past his sixties, short and easy-going. Best in his field. He completes the necessary observation and then turns to his long-time friend Aozaki Shuu, waiting by the window with his arms crossed on his broad chest. He talks in a very polite and old-mannered Japanese;

‘’- I was deeply upset upon hearing about Himekami-san. She was an extraordinary woman, my condolences. ‘’ Aozaki nods, his lips tight with thinly settling grief. The doctor continues;

‘’- Looks like he has neglected to take his medication- ‘’ He travels his aged gaze inside the room and settles it on Aiki, who has a fist hiding her lips as she does her best to not pace around the room. She gives a nod to confirm. He continues on that; ‘’- And I see he has lost a bit of weight. I want him to rest, stay calm, and I trust you on his diet, Shuu-san. ‘’ He gathers up his equipment in a medical case and stands up. Ao and him exchange bows;

‘’- He should visit the clinic once he is feeling better. Other than that, there is nothing to be worried about. ‘’ Then Aiki, Aka and Izaya lean into small bows from where they are, and Ao walks to accompany the doctor to the downstairs.

Izaya has been sitting on the chair across the bed, tapping his foot nervously. He looks at him. Haruya looks so tired there and sleeps deep like even an earthquake might not wake him up. The model furrows his brows as he sees his under-eyes that are in a mix of purple and reddish colour matching the bedding. He gets reminded of Shiki Himekami on the day they paid a visit to her, and his heart starts beating anxiously.

-‘’ Don’t you have a flight to catch? ‘’ Aka asks, turning his upper body to him. Izaya straightens up like he just remembered, then takes out his phone and starts scrolling down the contact list;

-‘’ I think I’ll cancel it. ‘’

-‘’ Don’t. ‘’ Comes a deep voice, then the heavy footsteps of Ao as he walks up the stairs. ‘’ - Go to your photoshoot, Izaya-kun. He’ll be okay. ‘’ Izaya takes a shaky breath in and toys with the side of his phone-case.

Words spill on their own; 

-‘’ Please be honest with me, Aozaki-san.. Haruya will not end up like his mother, right? ‘’ On that, Aiki turns in a fast move and sharpens her gaze on him. But before she says anything, Ao lets out a short laugh and pats a hand on top of Izaya’s head;

-‘’ No one is ending up like anyone, kid. Go to your flight. I’ve seen him in his worst states when he was half the height he is now, and he pulled through then. He just needs to rest for a while.‘’ He then sends a blink of his eyes as in _‘’calm down, it’s alright’’_ to Aiki while walking towards the window; ‘’- I’ll tell him to call you once he wakes up. ‘’ Then Izaya comes eye-to-eye with Aka, who gives an encouraging nod and adds;

-‘’ I know that photographer you're going to work with today is an asshole, but good luck. ‘’

With that, Izaya stands up. Leaning, and sweeping few thin hair backwards, he puts the most weightless kiss onto the scar on Haruya’s browbone. At the same time touching the thin layer of bandage on his right palm from where he injured himself squeezing the ring that is currently standing by his bedside.

 _‘’- Wow, I can’t wait for the wedding.. ‘’_ Behind him, he hears Aka mumble and feels his cheeks flush up immediately. Ao sends a disapproving look to his husband.

Then he is ready to take the Uber waiting in front of the building, and catch his flight to _L.A._

* * *

_Aozaki does not want to call him_. But the phone rings few times and he knows it is on purpose. He hears his clean, once intoxicating voice when the call gets replied at his second try;

-‘’ Darling. It’s been some time. ‘’ Aozaki lets out a controlled breath and closes his eyes;

-‘’ Get your ass back here, Reiya. ‘’ He keeps his voice low and controlled, for Haruya is sleeping by his side, and his husband is listening.

 _-'_ ’ _For you, always._ ‘’ He ends the call, Ao immediately feels the need to bring the tip of his fingers to his forehead and apply some pressure there.

He looks at Aiki, and then his husband; ‘’- Stay with Haruya. I will to talk to him downstairs. ‘’ Aka lifts a brow up, but decides not to say anything.

* * *

‘’- You got to stop pacing around, girl, you’re making my head swim- ‘’ Aka says, then catches the girl in a gentle move and makes her sit next to him. He carefully looks at her; ‘’- He’s going to be alright, relax. ‘’

Aiki hides her face into her palms, then lets out a frustrated breath and re-clips the hairclip on her hair; ‘’- I can’t believe I didn’t realize. How did I forget- ‘’

‘’- He is a twenty-four-year-old man, young lady. It is not your responsibility to check if he takes his medication or not. ‘’ On that, Aiki turns to him, their knees touching. Aka takes her hands in between his palms and gives her a warm smile. She hesitates, but it is hard not to open up to him.

Her voice is low and candid;

‘’- Before Himekami-san took me into their home, she talked to me. Even though I was only twelve, I remember how beautiful she looked in a light pink suit, and her saying very clearly _’’ You will be loved here. ‘’_

She lifts a hand to her chest; ‘’- And she truly loved me, Mizuki-san. She filled that cavity in my heart that I always thought was endless, and she never once saw me apart from her own son. ‘’

She continues;

‘’- But she also told me _‘’ You will be loved, Aiki Nakamura. But you have understand that in this world, everyone is here for something. And some people might be here for the sake of somebody else. ‘’_ I quickly understood what she meant. ‘’ She looks into Akabayashi’s eyes;

‘’- I don’t care what people think. _Haruya is my responsibility._ ‘’ Aka looks at her for a long time while taking in her words. He then invites her in an embrace, spilling her hair on his one shoulder;

‘’- No need to be so hard on yourself, Aiki-ko.. But don’t ever let your brother hear _those words_ , because that would hurt him for sure. ‘’

After a while, they hear a weak; _‘’- Who is Ao yelling at? ‘’_ coming from the person on the bed. Aiki first, then Aka walks up to his side.

Aka rests his hands on his hips; ‘’- He is yelling at your father. ‘’

The doctor has given him something to calm him. Haruya is clearly struggling to keep his eyes open, but a lazy smile spreads on his lips; ‘’- Okay then. ‘’ Aka sits next to him and decides to mess with him a little;

-‘’ You know.. you scared the shit out of that boy. Call him once he lands. ‘’ The other’s smile widens on that, but the way he takes deep and slightly shaky breaths doesn’t escape from Aka’s attention. He is in some pain. Aka holds his hand.

-‘’ I hate when I do this.. I am no different from those noble ladies in romantic novels fainting all the time.. ‘’ He turns his eyes to the emerald ring by his bedside.

-‘’ What is wrong with noble ladies in romantic novels? ‘’

-‘’ Drama. ‘’ Aiki answers.

Aka huffs on that, his lips smiling, but he is also carefully listening to the sounds coming from downstairs;

-‘’ As if he isn’t dramatic- ‘’ He looks at Haruya; ‘’- _Mr,_ _‘’ I fell right into my boyfriend’s arms, Haruya. ''_ You know you’re something, designer. _‘’_ Haruya lets out a giggle despite how his eyes feel heavy and are tearing up constantly;

-‘’ Ah yes, it was the warmest fall ev-‘’ Aiki pinches the side of his arm, and he lets out an exaggerated sound of pain while turning his body away from her; ‘ _’- Aow-‘’_

-‘’ You promised me. ‘’ Aiki’s gaze is _burning_ on him, Haruya tries to look cute, drugs help, but that doesn’t work on her;

-‘’ I forgot. I was busy, a lot happened. ‘’ He adds and lifts a hand up to her hair; ‘’- Sorry.. Are _you_ okay, we haven’t had the chance to talk.‘’

-‘’ Focus on yourself. I am okay. ‘’ Aiki answers rather straightforward, _cold._ Haruya comes eye-to-eye with Aka.

She doesn’t see their exchange; ‘’- Do you need anything? ‘’ She asks while moving back to come down the bed.

Haruya catches her wrist;

‘’- Please don’t act emotionless. It hurts me, Aiki. ‘’ Aka lifts his hand off, and Haruya holds onto his sister, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a hug, clearly an effort for him in this state. So Aiki gives up and settles next to him.

They exchange few sentences.

Aka stands up and turns to the direction of the door as the girl hides at her brother’s shoulder, and Haruya soothes her with whispers, while caressing her hair.

* * *

Reiya has taken one of the chairs of the kitchen table, he has his glasses on and attention is on his phone. Flashy Instagram pictures. Ao is by the sink, fists clenched. He is not looking at him.

Ao lets out the words clear and one-by-one; ‘’- You, are a cold-hearted, narcissist, m-‘’ Reiya finishes his sentence;

-‘’ Manipulative, bastard. Yes. I missed you too. Let’s move quicker.‘’

-‘’ I am married, stop with the flirting. ‘’

 _-‘’ I was married too..’’_ Ao whips around on that. But his gaze gets caught in the other’s deep brown eyes looking at him from on top of his glasses.

He turns his eyes to the direction of the window; _‘’- Well you didn’t fucking tell me that, did you, Reiya.. ‘’_

Shiki Reiya lets out a voiceful sigh while taking off his glasses and putting them away;

‘’- Okay let me make it easier for you. When I agreed to marry into Himekami’s family, I knew the doctors’ decision that it was highly risky for her to carry a child. She could die. ‘’ Ao once again looks at him. From there, everything gets revealed;

‘’- However, in exchange for her prestigious family name, she asked me to give her a child. There was this Swedish doctor..’’ He swirls his hand around; ‘’- I forgot his name.. But he was the pioneer of a technique called _‘ in vitro fertilization ‘._ Someone must have convinced her that she would survive if she got pregnant that way, probably the doctor himself. So she asked for my sperm, and I gave her.‘’

Ao feels his shoulders tense up, he feels cold and that is not normal; ‘’- You knew she could die. ‘’

Reiya’s answer comes out like the crack of a whip; ‘’- I knew. But it was _her decision._ ‘’ He tilts his head and looks into Ao’s eyes; ‘’- Don’t antagonize me. It doesn’t work when it doesn’t make sense. ‘’

He then continues; ‘’- So she went to Sweden, and miraculously came back with my child in her arms. She has always been a strong woman, I’ll give her that.‘’

-‘’ Was she alone there? ‘’

-‘’ Yes. ‘’

-‘’ I fucking hate you. ‘’

Reiya huffs a nonchalant breath and lifts his brows up; ‘’- Yeah I love that for you. But that is all Himekami’s stubbornness. And now look at that child- ‘’ He flicks a hand to the ceiling, but his point is upstairs where Haruya’s bedroom is at;

‘’- He spent half of his age in hospitals, he’s sick all the time. How is it my fault that she went on with the procedure knowing her child could carry her illness? ‘’

Ao _has to_ turn away. He takes a washcloth, wets it with the cleaning spray next to the sink, and starts rubbing the already clean sink, hard; ‘’- _Wanting a child is never a woman’s fault._ That is compassion, that is love, Reiya, which you’ve always lacked. ‘’

He rubs, he knows Reiya is looking at him with that pitying look in his eyes; ‘’- What is wrong is not showing an ounce of love to a child, leaving him alone and afraid. _Afraid because why is his father is hiding him from everyone? Is there something wrong with him?_ ‘’ He throws the cloth into the sink, his voice gets higher, but he closes his eyes and controls it.

Reiya replies, he is careful now; ‘’- The media wasn't compassionate or loving towards an autistic child of a famous person, Shuu. They were hungry for sensation. He would get hurt. ‘’

Ao stops, sniffs and lifts his lashes up; ‘’- I know your soul. Don’t waste your breath. ‘’ He then continues, re-taking the cloth and now working in softer motions. His hair falls towards his face, he tucks it back to his ear;

‘’- Your child isn’t autistic, Reiya. Yes, he is on the spectrum, but we were told that he is a very beautiful and special child, and to accept him as he is, and to help him wherever he struggles. Just so you know. ‘’

He hears the sound of the chair as Reiya stands up, and then his never-changing, heavy-syrup perfume is right next to him. He is not as tall as Aozaki, but knows how to stand as if he is. 

Ao looks towards the door instead and tells him his last sentences;

‘’- I have the documents. Gather your lawyers if you want them. But you will not be around Haruya after this.. ‘’ He adds after a pause; ‘’- It was my fault thinking that you would see.. ‘’ He turns and looks at him;

‘’- How he turned out be a wonderful man, and a designer, _greater than you will ever be_. ‘’

Aozaki searches for an emotion in his dark brown eyes, for the traces of the man he gave his heart once.

But Reiya’s lines are frozen in chemicals; ‘’- Fine. ‘’ He spats out, he has always been sharp as a knife. Then he leaves the room and shuts the door after him. Ao’s hands are shaking.

To his surprise, he comes face to face with Akabayashi, who immediately lifts a brow up to him. Reiya gives a smile, sizing him up;

-‘’ Ah, you’re _him._ ‘’ Aka shakes his head;

-‘’ No. I am not as loving. ‘’ He steps into Reiya’s space and looks right into his eyes; ‘’- Don’t dare to make my man upset again. ‘’ He leans to his ear; ‘’- _If you don’t want your entire bullshit exposed in a shitty Youtube documentary, that is. ‘’_

The designer is a highly perceptive man. He replies, it comes out in a whisper, poison matching the other;

_-’' You’re a devil, who is in love with a Saint._ Did you know? _‘’_ Aka opens his eyes bigger, his expression doesn’t soften;

 _-'' Everyone is their own devil. Face yours, Reiya-no-danna. ‘’_ With that, he walks to step inside the kitchen, and Reiya simultaneously passes to leave the house.

Once and for all. He knows he can’t win that court case.

* * *

‘’- Haruya woke up. Asked me to bring him some water. ‘’ Aka comes into the room, normal as if he didn’t listen to their entire conversation and blackmailed the hell out of Shiki Reiya; ‘’- Would you pass me a glass? ‘’

‘’- Of course. ‘’ Ao is hiding his face, not that he is ashamed to be crying. Aka knows he cries when it is necessary, no big deal.

The makeup artist takes the glass extended to him, fills it up with some water, then leaves it on the marble and places his hand onto his husband’s squeezed one by the sink;

‘’- I would carry your child if I could, Shuu. ‘’ And the sentence is so out of place, so absurd that they both break into pathetic laughs. But then, Aka knows to pull him to the side of his neck. Aozaki’s chest shakes against his for some time.

He whispers to his ear;

‘’- Your friend passed away, you got scared for Haruya.. talk to me, will you? ‘’ It takes him some time to relax his clenched jaw, and the straining the lines on his face, but he complies;

‘’- _He didn’t tell me he was married, Mizuki._ We were together for months.’’ He lifts a hand to his mouth and closes his eyes; ‘’- One day, he just said _‘’ by the way, I am married, and my family will be at your family’s restaurant tonight. ‘’_

‘’- He did that to me. ‘’ He rubs his eyes, then looks to the ceiling and takes a deep breath to calm down.

Aka runs his fingers in his black hair. It is slightly wavy when it is lacking the hair products that holds it together. Beautiful nevertheless.

‘’- He just knew how to get into someone’s blood. He sensed how oppressed I was. ‘’

He leans his back to the marble and escapes his eyes from Akabayashi;

‘’- When I was young, like seventeen at most, I would go from one gay bar to another, would get arrested every fucking Saturday, and my father would pay the cops to.. _shake me up a little_ before he bailed me out, you know? ‘’ He lets out an ironic, angry laugh; ‘’- Maybe then I would turn.. to normal, right? Would be that perfect son who is to take over the family business.. ‘’

He shakes his head, travels his gaze on the sketch-decorated wall. Heavy, despite the thirty-something years has passed;

‘’- And boy didn’t it fucking work? I let it go after a while. _By that I mean everything._ I just did what I was told to do. ‘’ 

_‘’- But I was so fucking tight in my own skin that when years later Reiya offered me his distorted sense of freedom, I followed him like a can tied behind a car. I didn't know better.‘’_

A silence. Only the sound of the fridge and few cars passing the road outside.

Aka travels his knuckles on top of his cheekbone, looks at him, curses under his breath, then tucks a piece of hair to the back of his ear;

-‘’ _Fuck, Shuu_. You never shared these with me. ‘’

-‘’ I couldn’t. ‘’

-‘’ Yeah, that’s because they hurt you. ‘’ Aka says, then takes out his packet of cigarettes and walks him towards the window. He opens the window, places a cigarette in between Ao’s lips, then lights it up for him.

He thinks while Aozaki smokes and calms down;

‘’- You know what, Shuu? I don’t know. I don’t know why the world is so cruel, I can’t tell you why they hurt you, when I’ve buried my own scars under the ink on my back. ‘’

Ao looks at him fondly as Aka travels his fingers in his soft red hair to lay it back, then turns to him;

‘’- But I know that we’ll manage this adoption thing soon, and we will be the coolest fucking dads out there.. I am telling you. Because we know _why to love_.’’ He then sighs and lifts the packet one more time to take himself a cigarette. Ao lights it up for him this time.

They smoke, shoulders brushing, leaning to each other and sharing the extra weight.

''- I want you to talk to me from now on. I understand that you don't want to upset me, because I have my own problems. Yes, but we've sworn to be next to each other when one of us gives out their last breath. To our last breaths, Shuu.''

After a silence, Aka pokes him with his elbow;

-‘’ Be honest. Boy or a girl. ‘’ He doesn’t get an answer so repeats at his ear _; ‘’- Shuu. ‘’_

-‘’ Fine.. A girl. ‘’

-‘’ _Ooh.._ ‘’ Aka lets out, a quiet laugh once again settles to his lips to accentuate his lines perfectly.

With his cigarette stuck in between his fingers, he sticks his fingertips together and bows his head against the last sparkles of the sun, praying to the _kami’_ of his land.

When he is done, Ao puts a small kiss onto the ring on his hand, then leans to his lips and kisses him long and deep against the dusk and the cold wind of New York City.

* * *

‘’- He is probably still on the plane. ‘’ Ao informs, standing by the door with a tray of food in his hands. The designer nods and puts his phone aside;

‘’- Looks so. ‘’ He then takes the emerald ring from the drawer and stares at it, turning it in between his thumb and index fingers; ‘’- Did you drive them home? ‘’

Giving a sound to confirm, Ao settles the tray somewhere vacant and quickly clears the desk free of design books, fabric and pencils. He then wipes the surface, lays a rose-gold colour, linen tablecloth down, and sets a dinner table for two.

He stands by the bed when he is done; ‘’- It’s nothing fancy. But there is brownie for the dessert. ‘’ He offers him his arm, and Haruya gladly holds onto it, grinning lightly because he does like it when Aozaki treats him like a prince in a castle.

Ao looks down at him like he heard his thoughts, and lets a laugh out.

They have a dinner with Leonard Cohen songs playing at the background, Haruya gets to eat his favourite dessert after that, and they smoke cigarettes while watching the black night unfold outside the wide window.

-‘’ I am sorry. I shouldn’t have forced you to face him. ‘’ Ao says there. Haruya lifts his weight and sits cross-legged on the chair. He takes a drag from his cigarette and lowers his lashes to the newly-forming bruise in between his collarbones. He places his fingertips there;

-‘’ I was drowning in the things I’ve always wanted to say to him. It was time. ‘’

Ao places his cigarette to the ashtray and connects his strong arms on his chest. He turns his eyes to him; ‘’- How are you feeling? ‘’

‘’- Numb. ‘’ Comes the answer, always quick and honest. They look at each other, gazes thin with grief.

Ao nods;

‘’- Yes, you will feel numb, and you will constantly question yourself, _‘’ Why I am I not screaming and crying?_ ‘’

 _‘’- Why do I feel hollow? ‘’_ Haruya completes; ‘’- Is this normal, Ao? I am I really processing, or..-‘’ He escapes his gaze; ‘’- Maybe I’m not. I really struggle to understand sometimes..‘’

‘’- No, it is normal. There is nothing wrong with you, my child.‘’ Aozaki’s voice is assuring and certain. Haruya looks back at him;

‘’- I can’t explain this to you, nor should you blame yourself for being unable to understand. Because you are not supposed to. You will walk on your path, and remember sometimes. ‘’ Ao pats his hand on his own chest and leans back in his chair; ‘’- Here, will hurt. It’s normal, let it. ‘’

He then takes his cigarette back and lets him think through his words. He doesn’t get any questions this time. So he adds;

-‘’ You did good. _I am proud of you._ ‘’ Haruya _not very quietly_ gets excited on that, and struggles to suppress a very evil sounding giggle;

-‘’ Does that mean I get to have some of your expensive whiskey? ‘’ Ao gives a laugh; ‘’- You know you’re something, Shiki Haruya..’’ and nods while putting off his cigarette on the ashtray;

-‘’ Okay. We’ll drink once you feel better. Man-to-man. ‘’

* * *

Haruya is at his bed, blankets folding around his legs and his back leaned to the headboard while he sketches onto the notebook that he has set onto his knees. Seeing Izaya is returning his call with a video-call request, he quickly extends for his phone.

-‘’ Sorry I couldn’t call you back. I just came to the hotel. ‘’ Izaya says, moving to the side to show his suitcase behind him. Then he looks back at the camera and furrows his brows; ‘’- Are you still sketching? I cannot believe you. ‘’ Haruya moves his pencil out of the frame, but then slowly lifts up the sketch book to Izaya.

_-‘’ Is that.. a tuxedo? ‘’_

_-’' Maybe. ‘’_

Izaya grins, he looks relieved; ‘’- I am glad you’re okay. You look better. ‘’ He adds; ‘’- You scared me, what if you fell Haruya? ‘’

The designer scratches the top of his brow; ‘’- Wouldn’t be the first time. _Besides, you caught me. ‘_ ’

Izaya brings a hand to his forehead with a sigh. He looks down, shaking his head; ‘’- God, look at this man who was just two floors away from joining the ghost of _Oscar Wilde_ , but still flirts like a lovestruck eighteen-year-old…’’ Haruya hides his face to the satin pillow next to him, Izaya has this caring look inside his reddish orbs as he observes how shy, beautiful he is, then tells him goodnight;

_‘’- Goodnight my fallen star..’’_

Haruya practically breaks into laughter;

‘’- Please don’t make fun of me, Izaya..-‘’

_‘’- I think I really love you, Haruya. ‘’_

By the time Haruya lifts his face from the pillow, eyes growing huge, Izaya has already ended the call.

* * *

Meanwhile, Ao is downstairs in the kitchen, doing things like placing the dishes into the dishwasher, talking with Aisha on the phone to see how is everything getting handled at the restaurant, and _thinking_. Even after he is done and lying on the burgundy couch in the living room; the harp across, and the years are a little heavy on his heart tonight..

He is somewhere between sleep and dream when he feels a blanket carefully spread to cover him. Then few shuffles, and he hears the harp, _‘’ Famous Blue Raincoat ‘’_ , Haruya plays as tenderly as Himekami did years ago, for him. To heal.

_‘’ It's four in the morning, the end of December  
I'm writing you now just to see if you're better  
New York is cold, but I like where I'm living  
There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening''_

_Leonard Cohen, Famous Blue Raincoat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My storytelling is weird. I know. So I want to point out some things to show how my brain works;  
> I am building Ao's character, right? He loves Aka (yaaas king btw), ‘’- I love you, because you have the freest soul I’ve ever seen. '' This is what Ao says to him in the third chapter. Key word here is ''free'' And now see this in the sixth chapter;
> 
> ‘’- But I was so fucking tight in my own skin that when years later Reiya offered me his distorted sense of freedom, I followed him like a can tied behind a car. I didn't know better.‘’  
> Key word here is ''distorted sense of freedom''. Aozaki here is a character whose identity was suppressed for a long time (as he revealed to Aka), and because 'he didn't know better' (also remember how he gave 'the talk' to Haruya in the fourth chapter so that he wouldn't fall into the same mistakes he's fallen) he got into a.. probably not so very nice relationship. Like, Reiya is an asshole not gonna lie.  
> But then he found Aka, and Akabayashi's 'freedom' is the one that is healthy for him. I hope you are following me (cue the meme where there is a bunch of papers behind a man who says ''It's all connected'' ) I see something very deep and beautiful here.  
> And this is honestly a storytelling that is really hard on the reader, because cues are everywhere. And I understand.. you know..?


	7. The Meaning of Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''we  
> return to each  
> other  
> in waves.  
> this is how water  
> loves.'' / 
> 
> nayyirah waheed, from nejma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy, translations are at the end. I hope everyone's staying safe.

**Chapter 7 –**

**The Meaning of Genius**

_Three Months Later;_

While _Siri_ gives the news of today’s New York weather presumed to be rainy for the entire day, Ao lowers the setting of the steam iron, then passes it backwards and forwards the milk-coffee colour shirt. Once satisfied, he extends the shirt to his husband styling his hair in front of the black vanity;

‘’- There you go, _karajishibotan_. ‘’

Since it is rainy, lights seeping in from the windows doesn’t seem enough to illuminate the bedroom. Aka flicks the lights on before taking the shirt and mumbling a _‘’thanks babe’’_. He wears the shirt and the tattoo depicting an ancient lion-like creature at his back gets covered. Ao unplugs and sets the iron aside and wears a V-neck dark green sweater made of a thin, comfortable material.

Once dressed, Aka returns to the vanity and leans forwards to the mirror. Tilting his head, he examines the lines on his face;

‘’- I am I old? ‘’

Ao lifts a brow up on his husband’s question; ‘’- Not yet I think- ‘’ He answers in a casual tone while spraying few spritz of _Calvin Klein_ perfume towards his neck; ‘’- It ain’t that bad over here, though. ‘’

Aka huffs a laugh and extends for the concealer in front of the mirror; ‘’- We’re not all blessed with perfect genes, Shuu. ‘’ With the corner of his eye, he checks if his greys are showing, and then applies a thin layer of concealer under his eyes.

It has been tiring few months filled with stressful meetings with adoption lawyers, consultants and long talks of ‘ _‘will this work out? ‘’_ at nights. But they finally got a call from the adoption centre last week, inviting them to meet with this Japanese girl. Nine years old, will turn ten in August. The manageress of the centre and a psychiatrist specialized in child psychology will be present in the room as observants.

Aka puts away the concealer and flips through the documents next to him on the vanity. Ao stands behind him and props his head next to Aka’s cheek, taking in the warmth. They look at the small photo of the girl with black hair down to her neck, and bangs framing a warm smile. The name _Akane Awakusu_ written next to it.

-‘’ Are we going to speak Japanese or English? ‘’ Aka asks.

-‘’ I’m not sure. We’ll go with whichever she chooses, I think. ‘’ Their eyes meet through the mirror; ‘’- Are you nervous? ‘’ Ao asks.

-‘’ We’re almost there, I just want everything to go perfectly. ‘’ Aka closes the document folder and turns to him.

_‘’- It will. ‘’_ Aozaki says with smiling eyes, and the way he sometimes talks, Aka feels like he can follow him to the end of the world and be safe all the way. He takes in the excitement in his gracefully aging lines and reflects to his own.

He turns and taking a simple bob pin, pins one side of Ao’s hair to the back of his ear, so that the other half frames his face nicely. He travels his fingers down the white streak of hair there and brings down to his eyes;

-‘’ Isn’t it rude, looking like a god-damn archangel all the time? ‘’ Ao lets out a strong laugh;

-‘’ An angel that’s almost two meters tall. Nah, I don’t think so. ‘’ He kisses him on the lips, then pats a hand on his shoulder before turning to take their coats from the wardrobe; ‘’- We should get going. ‘’

-‘’ Yeah. ‘’

* * *

As the rain wets the car windows in its unhurried beat, Ao gets a call from Haruya. Since he is driving, he asks Aka to reply it, and Aka puts the phone on speaker;

-‘’ Good morning. I called to say good luck. ‘’ A nervous huff; ‘’- I know it’ll go great. But.. just know that I’m always here as a dramatic, queer child. ‘’ Ao smirks and turns from an intersection;

-‘’ What a comfort. But thanks. How is it going? ‘’

-‘’ The same.. I’m at the atelier, teaching nowadays.. ‘’ Haruya looks at his three trainees working behind sewing machines and mannequins, then lowers his eyes to the paper in front of him and continues colouring the suit sketch in front of him to an ocean blue.

-‘’ How’s Orihara-kun doing? ‘’

-‘’ Good, I guess. Everyone wants to work with him, so he’s constantly travelling between here and L.A..’’ A sigh, Haruya’s voice gets lower; ‘’- We barely see each other actually, I miss him. But I feel like it’d be selfish of me if I told him so. ‘’

Exchanging a short look with his husband, Aka joins to the conversation;

-‘’ Everyone is on their hustle y’know? He is a model, in his best years, I’d say it’s understandable that he wants to make a name for himself. ‘’ Haruya gives a sound as in _‘yes’;_

-‘’ Regardless, I’m so happy for you, Ao, Aka. I hope everything goes easier from here. ‘’

-‘’ We hope so too. Take care of yourself, alright, Haru-ko? ‘’

-‘’ You too, see you. ‘’

Aka turns to Ao once he ends the call; ‘’- Izaya-kun told me that _(..)_ agency offered him to sign a contract with them. They’re the best out there, but he’d have to settle to L.A.. ‘’

He adds; ‘’- He hasn’t made up his mind yet, but looks like he hasn’t told Haruya either. ‘’

Ao vaguely lifts his brow and looks down at the GPS screen before making a right turn; ‘’- They’re both adults, they can talk and decide what to do. ‘’

Aka turns to the window next to him and mumbles an _‘’I hope so…’’_ .

* * *

The girl is wearing a black blazer with a white shirt that has a red tie tied at the collar. She gives a bow and speaks in Japanese; ‘’- Nice to meet you, Akabayashi-san, Aozaki-san. I am Akane. ‘’

The couple returns the bow, and then they settle around the white desk of the office room. The observants sit at the beginning, Ao and Aka sit across the girl named Akane.

She examines them with curious bright eyes. She doesn’t seem nearly as nervous as the two giant men in front of her; ‘’- Your hair colour is very interesting, Akabayashi-san- ‘’ She then turns to Ao and lifts a small index finger to the side of her bangs; ‘’- Is that natural, Aozaki-san? ‘’

To maybe relax a little, Aka places his one forearm flat onto the armrest of the chair and puts his one leg onto the other; ‘’- I dye my hair, his is genetic. ‘’ Their shoulders touch as Aka points his finger at his husband’s hair.

Meanwhile Ao has already connected with the girl, just using his eyes; ‘’- Yes, it’s always been like this. ‘’ He says, then adds; ‘’- How's your day so far, Akane-san? ‘’

The girl fixes the hairclip behind her bangs; ‘’- I don’t have school today, so I did some painting, and then came here to meet you. ‘’

-‘’ Do you like painting? ‘’ Ao asks, she nods excitedly;

-‘’ I like drawing and painting. My teacher advised me to work with oil paints, so that’s what I am trying to learn nowadays. ‘’ She adds; ‘’- And you, what do you do? ‘’

-‘’ I am a chef. I have a restaurant a little outside of Soho. ‘’ Aka lifts his dense lashes to him, then turns to the girl and brings a hand slightly to the back of his neck;

-‘’ I’m a makeup artist. I.. could be on a set or a client’s house depending on the day. ‘’ Akane doesn’t take her gaze off of him for some time;

-‘’ I thought you would be a fighter.. or something like that, Akabayashi-san. How interesting. ‘’ Aka looks surprised on that, then lowers his hand and lets out a laugh;

-‘’ True, I do want to fight some of my clients sometimes. ‘’

The next forty minutes or so, they talk about various things; Ao directs the conversation easily, Aka relaxes and they try their best to answer her questions openly. Many laughs later, they even forget about the two pair of eyes watching them at the other side of the room.

The after-rain sun shines past the window behind Akane, and the girl smiles at the two man looking at each other. Gazes in golden illuminations that further accent the affection they clearly have for each other.

Akane says near the end;

-‘’ I think you are very kind-hearted people, Aozaki-san, Akabayashi-san.. _I went home with other people who wanted to build a family too before, but I feel like I can be happy with you._ ‘’ The couple exchanges a small look, silently in awe at the girl’s candid words;

-‘’ You’re a very smart girl, Akane. As you see.. we’re two gentleman here- ‘’ Ao points himself and Aka; ‘’- And wherever we might struggle, I think you can teach us.. Other than that, what I can surely say is that we can love you. ‘’

Aka leans more to Ao’s shoulder and just sends a nod to the girl. He has deep hazel eyes, few lines around; aged under a far-away sun, and in front of struggles that could either make a man the worst, or teach him _why to love_ ; he had the strength to become the latter.

After the girl leaves the room, the manageress of the centre gives them a look that they interpret as _very positive._

And after two weeks of impatient waiting, they get _the call_ , fill out final forms, and Awakusu Akane comes home with them, with two small suitcases, and at least fifteen canvases with beautiful reproductions of famous paintings painted on. They quickly understand that they have another gifted child at their hands, and arrange everything so that she can continue to improve her skills.

She adjusts fairly easily, Ao drives her to school every morning, then some Wednesdays, to the studio of an artist who is a friend of him. Few weeks later, he brings her to his restaurant and introduces his staff.

Aka is hesitant to involve her in a set where models sometimes walked around half-naked, but he also brings her to work in an appropriate time, and shows her what he does.

Time-to-time, someone from the adoption center visits their house without letting them know that they will, and talks to her in private. They are informed that this will go on about a year. They are okay with it.

A month and a half passes quickly.

* * *

Windows and the balcony door are open to let the air in. The weather is fairly nice for New York standards. It is Sunday, Ao is preparing breakfast, meanwhile Aka is writing down his evaluations about the lipstick samples he has received from the lab. Akane is drawing next to him at the breakfast counter. Leonard Cohen's ' _So Long, Marianne'_ is playing from the phone at Ao’s side.

‘’- Um.. Akabayashi-san-‘‘ She turns her head to him. Aka takes off his glasses and looks at her.

‘’- The other day, we went to a set, and you did makeup… ‘’ She pauses and thinks the rest of her sentence, then asks her question directly;

‘’- Can boys wear makeup too? ‘’

_There, since it is the most normal thing for him, Aka realizes he oversaw the fact that it might confuse her when she watched him do drag looks for a photoshoot at the set_.

‘’- I mean..-‘’ He starts, then looks down at the coloured pencils and picks one up; ‘’- May I? ‘’ He asks, she nods. He then goes through the fifteen-something lipstick samples in front of him and finds a matching colour. It is what one might know as a _‘Barbie pink’_. Turning the paper in front of him over, he draws two lines side-to-side with the pencil and lipstick, and then lifts the paper to her;

-‘’ What do you see? ‘’

-‘’ It is pink colour. ‘’

-‘’ You’re right. They’re both colours- ‘’ He lifts an index finger to the lipstick line; ‘’- Only difference is that this one washes off at the end of the day. ‘’ He then smirks and puts down the paper to take another lipstick;

‘’- I like this one the most, for example. ‘’ He says, then using his phone as a mirror, puts on the lipstick in few mastered moves. It is a deep red colour, almost matching his hair, but the slight brick tone suits his tan skin and accentuates his hazel eyes.

Akane’s eyes are sparkling with fascination as they look at each other; ‘’- May I get one too? ‘’

‘’- Of course. ‘’ Aka lines few unused lipsticks for her to choose. She chooses a deep pink colour, and Aka puts it on her, leaning forward and lifting her chin up lightly with his fingertips.

He then looks at his husband cutting up vegetables for a vegetable omelette; ‘’- How do I look Shuu? ‘’

Ao steadies the half-sliced mushroom at the tip of his fingers and turns his head to him; ‘’- You look very beautiful. ‘’ He is casual, but means it, and Aka smiles at him. Ao then looks at Akane; ‘’- You both are very beautiful. ‘’

-‘’ Would you want some too? ‘’ Aka asks. Ao turns back to his mushrooms;

-‘’ Nah, I’m alright. ‘’

-‘’ Look- ‘’ Aka says to Akane, then leans towards her ear; ‘’- I do test my eye pencils on him, sometimes. ‘’

He picks up his phone; ‘’- Should we take an Instagram picture? ‘’ On Akane’s _‘’- Yes we should ‘’_ , they take few pictures, and Aka puts one on his Instagram account;

 _‘’ Going through lipstick swatches with my daughter.. New collection soon..’’_ Next, he tags his brand’s account on the post. He gets a text from Haruya few minutes later saying;

_-‘’ Waa urayamashii .-. kawaii kedo.. :3 ‘’_

_-‘’ Sou naa ;) ‘’_

Then he gets a notification from Izaya on his Instagram DM;

_-‘’ Would love to promote the collection_ _:) ‘’_

 _-‘’_ _Why not? ‘’_

_-‘’ 60K per product. ‘’_

_-‘’ No fucking way._ _‘’_ He then writes; _‘’- Have you talked to him? ‘’_

Reply takes some minutes to come, so in the meanwhile, he compliments Akane’s drawing of Ao cooking in the kitchen. Perspective with the light-brown cupboards nicely given, and the curtains swaying with the soft wind next to him.

_‘_ ' _I will. Besides, I haven’t decided if I want to accept the deal. The contract they offered me has weird parts, I’m currently working on it with my lawyer. ‘’ Izaya writes._

Aka reads the message and replies;

_‘’ I see.. be kind to each other, alright? Haruya and you..’’_

* * *

One night Ao leaves the bed, pulling the blanket onto the love’s shoulders after him. It is almost four in the night. It has been a long day at the restaurant, he doesn’t want to admit, but there is slight ache in these fifty-five-year-old joints tonight.

He takes an over-the-counter medication and settles to his armchair in the living room. He does what one does at four in the night, he thinks; the years, Himekami’s silhouette passes his mind too. He brings a hand to his left side and sighs then..

He hears small footsteps, turns his head and sees Akane, looking over to him as if to see if it’s okay to come by. He waves a hand to her to do so, and sets one of the tabourets of the kitchen counter across the dark blue armchair;

-‘’ You couldn’t sleep too? ‘’ Voices low. He helps her to climb to the tabouret and come to his eye-length;

-‘’ I had a nightmare. ‘’

-‘’ Would you like to talk about it? ‘’ She shakes her head, so Ao doesn’t push it.

They hear a snoring coming from the bedroom. Akane giggles lightly, Ao also huffs a laugh;

‘’- He’s working hard. He’s tired. ‘’ Standing, he walks past the hallway and carefully closes the bedroom door, and then settles back to where he was;

‘’- So Akane, it’s been more than two months..’’ He leans forward a little, clasping his hands in front of him, he asks; ‘’- Is there anything you’d want us to work on? Do differently maybe..‘’ He adds, lifting a hand up to her. Her small fingers curl around his without hesitation;

_‘’- Are you happy here, child? ‘’_

Lowering her head, Akane thinks for a short while, dangling her feet at the same time; ‘’- I think I am. I really enjoy when you let me watch you in the restaurant, and Akabayashi-san lets me use his glitter and makeup in my paintings, and works beside me so I don’t feel bored.. ‘’ With a smile, she finally says;

_‘’- I feel loved, Aozaki-san. ‘’_

Ao nods, closing his eyes for a moment; ‘’- You are. ‘’

Akane then tells him about the time when she was with Aka on a set, she was sitting at the makeup station and he was gathering his materials back into his makeup case. Akane has picked a colour and told him that she liked this one the best, because she vaguely remembered her mother wearing something like it;

‘’- He asked my mother’s name and named that shade after her name, Aozaki-san. ‘’ Akane says; ‘’- But then he turned away, and.. I think I might’ve upset him. ‘’

‘’- Well, Akane..’’ Aozaki swirls his one hand while trying to explain; ‘’- Mizuki is trying his best, really. And he gets emotional sometimes. That’s because.. some people have not been very kind to him in the past, you know? ‘’

She tilts her head and looks down, an expression passes her child-features that pains Ao to see as she mumbles; ‘’- Some people weren’t kind to me too..’’

Ao leans and looks into her eyes then, to see if there is anything to reveal, maybe even encourage her to talk. But as she extends her arms to him, he feels that there is nothing immediate to talk about, so he picks her up in his arms before leaning back to the armchair.

She lays on his chest and puts her head to the crook of his neck;

-‘’ Should I call you two dad, Aozaki-san? ‘’ A smirk settles to the lines near Ao’s lips. He huffs;

-‘’ You can call us whatever you want. ‘’ He then hums the melody of ‘ _’ Famous Blue Raincoat ‘’_ to her, caresses her hair, until she falls asleep.

It has always worked on Haruya, works on her too.

While later, Aka gets up to drink some water, half-aware that his husband is absent at the bed. Scratching his hair, he walks to the living room to see the two fallen asleep at the armchair. He forgets about the water and covers them with a blanket, without forgetting to sneak a photo after…

* * *

The designer looks out from the window while talking on the phone; ‘’- I am just trying to warn you, Izaya- ‘’ He scratches the top of his brow and hears the door being opened. He sees Aiki when he looks back. She gives a tilt of her head as in _‘’ You ready? ‘_ ’.

They are invited to a dinner at Ao and Aka’s house to meet Akane. Haruya nods to her and returns to the phone;

‘’- I have to go. You’re busy too, let’s talk after you return.‘’ Izaya is in Arizona for a commercial shoot.

Observing Haruya’s heated huff after ending the call, Aiki joins her arms on her chest;

-‘’ You two have been arguing lately. Is everything okay? ‘’ Pulling a drawer full of wristwatches and bowties, Haruya relieves a tic by shrugging his one shoulder;

-‘’ Do you see his _Snapchat_ stories? He is hanging out with untrustworthy people, Aiki. I just want to warn him, but he acts like as if I’m trying to block his _success_ or something.. ‘’ He sends a short look at her; ‘’- Those are the people who take every drug they can find at a party, then come in front of the camera and sell cheap merchandise to teenagers. ‘’

-‘’ You mean they’re _influencers_. ‘’ Aiki points out and adds; ‘’- Okay, I’ll talk to him. ‘’

-‘’ No, don’t-‘’ Haruya picks a fancy watch, and ties the midnight-blue bowtie he got as a gift from Ao around the collar of his black dress shirt;

‘’- Whenever I would be stubborn to do something wrong, Ao would just let me do it. He’d let me cry on his shoulder afterwards, _but sometimes people have to do that wrong thing in order to learn._ ‘’ Aiki tilts her head and turns to the mirror to check her lipstick;

-‘’ If you say so..’’

-‘’ I’ll see him when he gets dragged into a meaningless internet drama…’’ He then turns and looks at his sister’s light pink suit.

Their eyes meet, Haruya quickly turns his head away;

- _‘’ What? ‘’_ Aiki asks on that, and checks her silhouette in the mirror; ‘’- Doesn’t it look good? ‘’

-‘’ No, it’s beautiful, it just caught my eye.. that- ‘’ Haruya travels his gaze on the floor; ‘’- I shouldn't say it. I feel like I shouldn’t say it. ‘’ Aiki lets out a breath;

-‘’ Just let it out so that you don’t explode in a random time, Haru. ‘’

_-‘’ Have you put on some weight? ‘’_

_‘’- Yes. ‘’_ Aiki replies in a tone almost makes the designer jump; ‘’- I’m going through a hard time, it happens. ‘’

‘’- I am sorry. '' He says and whispers to himself; ''- I knew I shouldn’t have said it. ‘’ He then stands in front of her, and smoothens the shoulders and the lapels of her light pink blazer. Then his expression softens, and he looks down;

-‘’ This one is mother’s, right? It makes me happy to see you wear it. This is.. one of my first designs, actually. ‘’ _He vaguely remembers the old tailor his mother introduced him to talk about the details of the design, the way he clung onto his mother's jacket as he explained the tailor what he wanted. He later visited the tailor's shop and spent a lot of his time there quietly watching the tailor work.._

-‘’ I love wearing them..’’ Aiki's hands work to fix her brother’s bowtie; ‘’- Sorry, I overreacted. I’m not angry, okay? ‘’ Haruya blinks his eyes and nods.

Aiki turns to the door; ‘’- Let’s go. ‘’

He smiles after her and follows her down the stairs.

* * *

After that dinner, Akane becomes a frequent visitor of Haruya’s atelier. She wants a bowtie and a tailor tape on her shoulders just like she sees the designer walk around in, and Haruya is quick to sew her a small bowtie and shorten a tailor tape for her;

 _-‘’ No-_ ‘’ Is the first thing Aka says when they come to pick her up after first day.

-‘’ Why? ‘’

-‘’ Because it’s tacky- ‘’ Aka says, then looks at Akane; ‘’- You don’t take it personally, honeybee. You're perfect.‘’ Meanwhile Ao has picked her up to his arms and whispering at her ear;

_-‘’ Tell him to make you a suit. ‘’_

-‘’ _Fundamentals of modern fashion stems from tackiness, Aka_..’’ Haruya replies, and the banter goes on for few days..

Another day at the atelier. While the three trainees work on different designs, Haruya and Akane take the chairs in front of a sewing machine and sit across each other. Upon gifting her a small embroidery kit, with cotton fabrics spread on their knees; today the designer teaches her to do a basic embroidery stitch;

‘’ - Whenever we need to straighten the fabric or fix something, we put our other hand out of the needle’s way, so that we don’t cause an accident, okay?- ‘’ He threads a line, then deliberately crinkles the fabric to show her; ‘’- Like this. ‘’

He then watches her do it and nods; ‘’- Yes, don’t hurry. I have many different colour threads here-'' He extends his upper body to a drawer and pulls it to reveal threads in different colours and textures; ''- Just tell me when you need any. ‘’

After that, his gaze stops at Huzzam. He lifts a brow at his furrowed brows and the gloomy expression on his face, then walks to his side;

-‘’ Is everything alright? ‘’ As if pulled from deep thoughts, Huzzam jerks his head up to him, then nods and pulls his chair closer to the mannequin in front of him;

-‘’ Yeah everything’s good, chief. ‘’

-‘’ Did you mess up the pattern? This isn’t the easiest fabric to work with, so I’d understand.. ‘’ Haruya widens the emerald green skirt and examines Huzzam’s hand-embroidery. It is spectacular, as always.

They come eye-to-eye, Huzzam sticks the needle to the fabric and rubs the back of his neck; ‘’- Actually, can I just pass for today, I think I’m just not feeling it. ‘’

‘’- Yeah of course. Go home, take care of yourself. ‘’

After Huzzam leaves, Haruya discreetly leans towards Natsuki’s side. He knows they have been dating since the last show;

-‘’ Is everything alright between you two? ‘’ Natsuki focuses more to the fuchsia colour fabric in front of her and doesn’t say a word. Lin lowers her headphones to her neck and answers for her;

-‘’ She doesn’t want to talk about it. ‘‘

-‘’ Oh, okay. ‘’ Haruya mumbles then, turning to the windows and sighing at the grey weather; ‘’- _Guess it’s not just my relationship that’s plummeting..’_ ’

Natsuki quietly leaves the room. The designer only becomes aware of that after the sound of the door. He turns and looks at Lin with a puzzled expression;

-‘’ Did I say something wrong? ‘’ Lin lifts her arms and stretches her back, her tattoo sleeves look more apparent under atelier’s fluorescent lights;

-‘’ Nah, they’re just going through it nowadays, you know? ‘’

-‘’ I see.. How are things with your girlfriend? ‘’

-‘’ We’re good. She’s graduating law school soon, we’re thinking of getting married before she starts training at a law firm- ‘’ Lin turns the mannequin to the chief designer and a smirk appears on her lips; ‘’- I’m actually sewing her graduation dress. What do you think? ‘’

Haruya closely examines the elegant dress and points out few places that should be improved;

-‘’ Will the ceremony be held outside? ‘’

-‘’ Yeah, I think so. ‘’

-‘’ Then you might want to shorten the hems a little, around here- ‘’ He folds the silky fabric and points at his ankle with his other hand; ‘’- The last thing we would want on a champagne colour dress is grass stains. Other than that, this is very chic, Lin. ‘’ He smiles at her;

‘’- I’m proud of you. I’m proud of all of you. ‘’

Natsuki comes back to the room and settles back to her spot.

The designer sits to the tabouret next to her and apologizes; ‘’- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. ‘’ She tells him that it has nothing to do with him, but then Haruya catches few guilty looks sent to his side as he teaches Akane to stitch a simple stars and moon pattern..

_Few days later, Huzzam abruptly quits the atelier_ , telling him that he has to deal with family matters back in Armenia. He tells him that he can come back when things get settled, but also feels somewhere that he will not return. He doesn’t ask anything to Natsuki.

☾

Placing his carry-on and black suitcase onto a desolate bench, model Orihara Izaya lifts his reddish eyes to the black sky full of sparkling stars. Down the _Riverside Park_ , he can feel the _Hudson River_ mumbling mystically, _only to him_ , with dark blue silk sheets swaying under a feral white moon…

He scrolls down the contacts on his phone and taps onto the one with a pink heart emoji.

He calls Haruya.

-‘’ I got an offer from (..) agency-‘’ He directly gets to the matter, thinking it would be easier for both of them.

_-‘’ I know. I heard it from Dunia. ‘’_

-‘’ I’m waiting at the Riverside Park _, at that spot we blacked out few weeks ago, you remember? ‘’_ Izaya lets out a chuckle upon remembering the night, _and the dawn they've watched shoulder-to-shoulder_ , but then can’t help as the sad waves reflect into his voice;

‘’- It’s a little cold, don’t forget to take a scarf with you. ‘’

Haruya is lacking a scarf around his neck when he arrives half an hour later. He stands a little far from Izaya, eyes intently staring at the wet grass, Izaya watches his small tics acting up and him blinking his eyes to force them down;

-‘’ What happened to the scarf? ‘’

-‘’ I forgot. ‘’ So Izaya unwraps his grey scarf with red stripes on it and gently places it around his shoulders.

-‘’ Say it. ‘’ The fashion designer says, closing his eyes the moment he takes in the other’s citrus _Armani_ perfume; hints of brown sugar in a chocolate dessert and peonies, also. Trees start swaying with the wind.

-‘’ You.. wouldn’t come with me to L.A- ‘’ Haruya indeed shakes his head, so Izaya bites on his bottom lip and nods. A silence.

_‘’- Okay. ‘’_ Comes out as a small voice from the fashion designer, he shrugs his shoulders; ‘’- You told me in the beginning, you wanted clout and I gave you enough it seems. ‘’ He then turns to walk away; ‘’- Good luck. Please take care of yourself, and it eat well. ‘’

Izaya’s fists clench on that easy acceptance;

_how can he just walk away when this is so unfair to him?_

_When I am this unfair him;_

‘’- When I was a ten-year-old boy who wanted to wear skirts, everyone mocked me, Haruya. But my grandmother didn’t hesitate a second to tailor me one, okay? I went to school with that skirt after that day, and the only thing I brought here from my home is that skirt. ‘’ He moves his one hand towards the suitcase behind him.

Haruya stops and looks at him over his shoulder.

Izaya continues; ‘’- I _have to_ become the most wanted face in the industry, okay? I want to be the face for _Versace, Moschino_ , because I need her to see me- ‘’ His voice cracks abruptly, it is the first time Haruya hears that _thin line_. He lifts his one finger to the stars, so Haruya looks up;

‘’- From here, maybe. _I don’t know_ , but I have to accept this deal in order to do that. ‘’

Then an another _‘’ Okay. ‘’_ comes, and _Izaya knows Haruya understands him_. He clearly sees in his expression that he is not bitter about it; he doesn’t hate him for leaving him like this, but that doesn’t make any sense-

Izaya lets out a frustrated breath, rubs at his forehead and turns towards a tree. Mumbling, _‘’ Why don’t you say anything? ‘’_ ;

 _‘’- Not everyone is a genius like you, Haruya. I also don’t have a father behind me who is the God of fashion design, alright? I have to_ \- ‘’

But when their eyes meet again, the model immediately falls silent upon seeing the anger flare in the designer’s beautiful brown orbs.

But then, Haruya is like the river next to them. He turns his eyes to the direction of the water, his expression softens, always a little melancholic, he smiles a little bitterly;

_‘’- At least you don’t say that, Izaya. ‘’_

He wraps the scarf around his neck, takes in the warmth; ‘’- But you don’t know, I can’t blame you for that. ‘’ So, he tells him;

‘’- When I discovered designing, I was a kid, it wasn’t a career for me. Few people understood, _but that’s how I talked_ , back when I struggled to sometimes. ‘’ He looks up at the black sky, the tip of his nose and cheeks in a pink tint from the cold; ‘’- I’d bring my mother a silk fabric when I was sad and couldn't express it. Velvets were different, could be that I was calm or angry depending on the type- ‘’

‘’- Biggest brands were ready to work with me by the time I turned eighteen but.. I needed to go to a design school in order to erase my father’s shadow from the people’s minds. ‘’ He points his index finger towards his head, eyes clever, then walks in front of him;

‘’- I am chronically ill, Izaya. And sometimes, some of my blood cells decide to block the others, and I get pain crises in random areas. It comes random, unfortunately my body doesn’t listen to my schedule when it decides to attack itself.‘’ There, his lines harden, and he looks down as tears stray down from his cheeks;

‘’- And when it decided to do that, _just in the time I had to prepare my graduation project_..-’’ He chuckles, it comes half a sob; ‘’- Let me tell you it isn’t easy to hold a pen when you are bent over a fucking hospital bed-‘’

‘’- Haruya-‘’

He plays with the edge of the scarf; ‘’- I couldn’t call Ao or my mother, they’d force me to let it go. I couldn’t graduate then. Aiki was preparing for her own exams..’’ He brings his hand to his hair, scratches it repetitively until he forces himself to stop;

‘’- And when you tell me that genius bullshit, It.. upsets me, because that diploma didn’t receive itself, Izaya, nor those collections create themselves overnight!‘’ His voice gets high at the end.

He takes a step back with a petrified look on his face;

-‘’ Sorry I didn’t mean to yell. It wasn’t intentional. ‘’

-‘’ I know. ‘’ Izaya makes a move to hold his hand, but he pulls away, so he lifts his hands to his chest and nods;

-‘’ Okay, you don’t want to be touched. I understand. ‘’

-‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

-‘’ No, it’s okay, you get uncomfortable sometimes, there’s nothing wrong with that, Haruya. ‘’

'' _\- I love you just the way you are_. _Yes; I love you_ , It wasn't easy to understand and I got very frustrated at first. But then you were leaving cracker packets onto the vanity when I was getting ready to work, and you were escaping your eyes as if you weren't looking to see if I was eating from it or not. I loved the way your eyes shone whenever I wore one of your designs, and the way you try to calm your small tics when something annoys you..- ''

'' - I don’t want to upset you okay? _I didn’t come here to break your heart. ''_

Haruya calms down and nods; ‘’- Yes, you’ve always been very gentle with me, Izaya. _I asked for soft, you were the tenderest lover._ Thank you for that. ‘’ He takes out something from his coat pocket and extends to him, holding it in his fingertips.

 _Izaya receives his sterling silver lighter back._ And then extends the designer his rose-gold Cartier lighter.

After that, Haruya gives him a small, awkward wave, and turns to leave. Izaya looks at his lighter, and asks into the New York wind, _that he knows he will miss so much_ ;

-‘’ _I will come back._ Will you wait? ‘’

- _‘’ No. ‘’_

Izaya closes his eyes, tears wet his black eyelashes, some stray glitter from a photoshoot still stings in there.

Haruya looks at him, tears wetting his own lashes;

_‘’- But I won’t be able to love anybody else either, Izaya. ‘’_

* * *

The model hunches down to the bench behind him, the wind slaps his face, dries his tears while reminding him what he has lost, and what is the purpose. He blinks his eyes against the light of his phone and calls someone;

-‘’ I have a flight in about five hours. Please take care of him, Akabayashi-san. Thank you for everything so far. ‘’

-‘’ We’ll see each other, boy. But for now, good luck. We'll be with him, don't worry.. ‘’

'' and don't look back, for both of you. ''

The hour is close to midnight, they are in the living room, Akane is sleeping at her room. Lowering the phone onto his knees, the makeup artist whispers out his curse just in case; _‘’fuck. ‘’_

Ao lifts his head up from the restaurant-related documents spread in front of him and looks at him. Aka shakes his head, so he understands and nods; putting down his pen and picking up his phone next to him;

-‘’ Haruya. Where are you, child? ‘’ He hears a stuffed giggle, it turns into something of a sob halfway;

-‘’ I don’t know. ‘’ The designer tries to look up at the hundred-coloured lights surrounding him, he knows he is in a crowd but they are too, only _loud_ echoes mixing into the lights; ‘’- I don’t know. ‘’ He repeats.

-‘’ Okay, I want you to stop a taxi and come here. Can you do that? Or send me your location and I’ll come pick you up. ‘’

Luckily, the designer sees the silhouette of a taxi approaching, and lifts his hand up to stop it. 

And twenty-five minutes or so later, the door is knocked lightly, Haruya figures at the last second that Akane must be sleeping by now and doesn't ring the bell.

Ao and Aka are in front of him next to each other.

He blinks hard, tilts his head like a bird; ‘’- He left me. ‘’ He states the fact in a thin voice, lips in a tight smile. He then abruptly turns to leave.

Aka makes a move to him, but Haruya takes a step back. _'_ Nodding, he draws back and looks at Ao who clearly looks upset for him, but remains calm;

‘’- It’s cold. Why don’t you come in, we can talk. ‘’ He offers. Haruya shakes his head;

‘’- I should go home. Akane is there, I.. shouldn’t be here-‘’ He once again turns away and nods to himself; ‘’- Yes, I should go home, _go home Haruya_ \- ‘’

Ao decides to shift his focus then; ‘’- Akane is sleeping. Yesterday, she made few pieces with the things you’ve taught her. Would you like to see them? ‘’

Haruya paces around for a while, then turns his head and peeks at him over his shoulder. Aka watches as Ao and him lock their eyes and communicate in a deep, loving way that only they could manage after years of building _trust_. Ao extends his right hand to him;

_‘’- Come. ‘’_

Haruya moves towards him, visibly hesitant. But once he manages _to touch_ , Ao gently pulls him in and wraps him into a hug;

-‘’ You will return to each other. Give it time.‘’

-‘’ Will we? ‘’ Ao looks down;

-‘’ When have I lied to you, designer? ‘’ Haruya shakes his head;

-‘’ You never lie to me, Ao. ‘’

Ao nods and pats the nape of his neck; ‘’ - That’s right. Let’s go inside. ‘’

And in few minutes, Aka has the designer wrapped in a burrito on their couch with a warm fleece blanket. Haruya looks at the moon and stars Akane has embroidered with a silver thread, and caresses the dark blue fabric in his hand. They settle to his both sides;

-‘’ You know what you need?- ‘’ Haruya sniffs and dries his tears off with the back of his wrist. He still has the scarf around his neck;

-‘’ Whiskey-‘’

 _-’' No. ‘’_ Comes from Ao as he takes his head on his shoulder and lays his hair back out of his face.

Knuckles of his hand resting at his hair, Aka looks at him fondly as Ao hums to the melody of _‘’ Famous Blue Raincoat ‘’_ to the heartbroken thing sulking in between them;

-‘’ I’m not a kid anymore, Ao. ‘’ They hear him mumble there, but Ao just smirks and goes on, until he and his husband look at each other;

 _-‘’ I’m not a kid anymore, Ao..’’_ Ao mouths to his husband, then looks at Haruya’s sleeping face. '' _\- For me you'll always be that fourteen year old kid who I spent four months just to convince him to look up at my face, Shiki Haruya. ''_

The night, like the wings of a bird left alone, heartbroken in the gentlest way possible. Aka doesn't know what is going to come next, but knows to smile against the little tricks of life. He stands up from the couch to get some bedding then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry they'll make up :) If I divided correctly, we have one or two chapters left. That is, if I don't write the wedding (tm) in a separate chapter ;)))))))))  
> I've never been to New York and I am bad with maps btw so don't come for me on that pls.
> 
> *Karajishibotan; Is an irezumi (trad. Japanese tattoo) pattern.  
> *'' Waa urayamashii .-. kawaii kedo.. :3 ‘’; '' Ah I'm jealous .-. ( You are ) cute though.. :3 ''  
> *‘’ Sou naa ;) ‘’ ; '' Isn't that so? ;) ''


	8. Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘’ How can love bless a child who is born without love? ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know.  
> But let me avoid some lawsuits here: Any possible brand-name that can possibly come out in this story has nothing to do with the possible real-life brands and every possible remark is strictly fictional.

**Chapter 8** –

_Passion_

‘’- Deadlines for his next collection are approaching but he hasn’t started anything yet. He doesn’t seem to care, which is unlike him. ‘’ Aiki Nakamura puts the phone down and turns on the speaker. She pulls out the bread from the toaster and spreads a spoonful of strawberry jam on it while she continues; ‘’- He’s gotten over bad break ups before but he never stopped _designing,_ Ao.. ‘’

‘’- He’s lying on bed all day. I don’t understand, and I’m starting to get worried. ‘’

Listening on the other line, Ao gives out a sigh; ‘’- Try to push the deadlines if you can. I’ll talk to him to see what’s in his head. Would tomorrow be okay if we came over? ‘’

‘’- Of course. Thanks Ao. ‘’

‘’- Take care. ‘’ Ao ends the call. Gazing at his husband and daughter doing work in the living room, he thinks over the phone call and finds himself trying to pinpoint why is Orihara Izaya affecting the young designer significantly different compared to his list of rather messy breakups in the past. Considering some of those happened in the public eye, making it harder to get through.

‘’- ..Our teacher asked us to write about family, and what family means to us. But I am not sure what to write..’’ Akane thoughtfully stares at the blank sheet of paper in front of her, then rests her cheek against her palm.

‘’- Oh-‘’ Aka pushes the documents in front of him aside and slips his glasses onto his head; ‘’- Maybe you should start with a definition-‘’ Ao and his eyes meet across the room, he pulls him a small smirk; ‘’- A family for example..is the smallest foundation of society consisting of a mother, a father, a child- ‘’

‘’ - and a TV. ‘’

‘’- Oi. ‘’ Ao calls him out; ‘’- Be serious. ‘’ He then stands up and walks to the table they are working at.

_‘’ You’re getting old, Aozaki Shuu. ‘’_ He thinks to himself, settling next to the red-haired makeup artist and placing his hand on top of his on the table.

_‘’ Why did you fell for a warm red and an accent you barely understood? ‘’_

He turns to their daughter sitting across them; ‘’- But not every family is built like that, is it? So let’s try to come up with a more.. _including_ definition and then you can think about what family means to you. ‘’

Akane nods, Aka cheerfully tilts towards him and slips his arm under his.

* * *

‘’- Hey, Haru. ‘’ Aiki places a tray of strawberry jam bread and coffee onto the vanity desk. She walks over to the bed to see if her brother buried under the dark blue fuzzy blanket is awake yet; ‘’- I brought you coffee. ‘’

She hears the small; ‘’- Thank you. ‘’ and sits next to him on the bed before changing her mind and laying down behind his shoulders instead.

‘’- I’ve always wondered why my ID says that my birthplace is Sweden.. ‘’ Still clinging onto the blanket for dear life, Haruya turns and faces Aiki; ‘’- My mother told me everything before she left us. I learned that I wasn’t born out of love, but rather.. like a lab test. Did you know? ‘’

Aiki nods dolefully; ‘’- I knew. But don’t say it like that. She went through a lot to have you. ‘’

‘’- I know. I didn’t mean to sound condescending, I’d never. It’s just that.. _maybe that’s why it never works out for me, Aiki_ -‘’

_‘’- How can love bless a child who is born without love? ‘’_ A silence staggers against tightly closed curtains, sways around his question.

The designer sees the abrupt tears straying softly to his sister’s cheeks then. He sticks his hand out to wipe them off, panicking slightly; ‘’- Sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry. It is just something I’ve been thinking about nowa-‘’

_‘’- I have to tell you something. ‘’_ Aiki looks somewhat startled as she straightens up on her elbow and sits on her knees. Sensing something weird, Haruya follows and they end up knee-to-knee on the silky sheets.

She tightly wraps her arms around his shoulders and hesitantly breathes against his ear before uttering;

‘’- I am carrying a child. ‘’

_‘’- I’m pregnant, Haru. ‘’_ She sobs against his right shoulder, the designer is left completely still meanwhile, trying to comprehend. He doesn’t know what to say, how to respond, which is easily read from the way his eyes grow bigger and he travels his gaze around the room as if something can tell him what to do.

‘’- It was just a one-night thing. I-I was frustrated.. I was trying to cope I think-‘’ She gulps thickly. Sniffing, she tucks a piece of orangish hair behind her ear and faces him.

-‘’ W- Who is the father? ‘’

-‘’ Does it matter? I will keep the child. ‘’

Nodding slightly and whispering a thin _‘’- okay, of course..’’_ Haruya leans back to the hug, both hearts beat fast and unsure; ‘’- But I don’t know. _Does it matter, Aiki?_ ‘’

She shakes her head;

-‘’ He doesn’t want the baby. ‘’

-‘’ Okay. Please don’t cry. ‘’

She gives herself time to calm down before holding from the designer’s hands; ‘’- I want to raise my child in Japan, Haru. Because of that.. I need to fly there as soon as possible to prepare everything _, to find a home._ ‘’

In those seconds, Ao’s words are echoing inside Haruya’s brain: _‘’ I am sure there will be times where you will be there for her, and I am sure you will do it easily. ‘’—_

He jumps out of the bed and walks to his desk; few coloured pencils fall onto the carpet as he fumbles with bunch of fashion sketches to find the documents he took back from Ao.

With them, he stands in front of Aiki and tears the papers apart, letting them spill onto the floor;

‘’- I have decided not to sell the mansion. You can go there, and raise.. _the baby_ there. ‘’

Aiki’s lips part open; ‘’- Are you.. sure? ‘’

Haruya nods firmly and curls up next to her; ‘’- You haven’t seen there before. It’s huge, I like that rooms take in the sun until sundown.. It had a beautiful garden before, you can hire a gardener and-‘’ He doesn’t take a breath, Aiki clutches the arm of the black robe he is wearing;

-‘’Haru, listen. You’re panicking. ‘’

-‘’But watch out- ‘’ Haruya bites down on his bottom lip; ‘’- For the rocks in the garden, they’re very sharp.‘’ He vaguely points the scar near his right brow with his index finger, and stops talking.

Aiki tilts her head, there is a caring look inside her eyes;

‘’- Why are _you_ crying now? Come here, stupid- ‘’ She pulls him towards herself but Haruya turns away. He shakes his head, his thin tears quickly turn into small sobs that he tries too hard to push down back into his chest.

 _‘’- Talk to me, Haruya. ‘’_ She whispers into his ear once she manages to trap him into a heartfelt hug; ‘’- It’s okay, it came abrupt, I know, but everything is okay. ‘’

‘’ _\- I miss my mother so much, Aiki._ She’d tell me how to heal myself, she’d tell us what to do. ‘’

Aiki cradles him in her arms, her eyes stare at the fashion sketches and coloured pencils waiting on the floor. Thoughts of; _‘’ How will I leave you alone? ‘’_ passes her mind and spreads a thin sadness to her eyes…

* * *

Upon the _baby news_ , the conversation quickly shifts onto Aiki the next day when Aka and Ao comes over;

_‘’- My girl, what were you thinking? ‘’_ Ao asks quietly while hugging her tightly. Aiki feels a little ashamed in front of him;

‘’- I don’t know. I wasn’t, I guess.‘’ She shakes her head against his chest; ‘’- _God.._ Himekami-san would be so disappointed in me. ‘’

‘’- No. She _would_ get mad at you, but she would never leave your side. Which is honestly exactly the position I am in right now.. ‘’

Aka pokes the designer who is absentmindedly looking towards the window from the kitchen table they are at; _‘’Ssh-‘’_ He turns to him, Aka gives him a blink as in; _‘’ What’s going on with you? ‘’_

‘’- _I watched Izaya’s last Instagram story._ Do you think he is dating that _James_ guy, Aka? He is a makeup artist too; you’d know the talk in your community. ‘’

Taken aback by the unfamiliar, dark tone in the designer’s voice, the makeup artist stares at his face for a while; ‘’- I don’t think so. At least no one told me anything about it. _It would be a good business move for him, though. James is a big name nowadays.‘’_

Haruya’s brow twitch visibly at the word _‘’business move ‘’._ He averts his gaze to the table and nods; ‘’- Of course, since I wasn’t enough for him. ‘’

 _‘’-Wha-‘’_ Carrying out a separate conversation, Ao and Aiki settle back to the table before Aka has the chance to say anything.

‘’- Look, it is your decision to not involve the father. But this.. moving to Japan thing is what doesn’t sit right with me here- ‘’ Ao tries to explain; ‘’- You’ve never lived there before. You’ll have to find a place to live, to settle, all these while carrying a child. ‘’

‘’- She will stay at the mansion. I’m not selling it. ‘’ Haruya informs.

‘’- Still.. we can help her directly here, while in Japan I’d have limited connections if something happened for example-‘’ He scratches on top of his head and turns his asking eyes to his husband. Aka joins into the conversation;

‘’- Na Aiki, you know we’re not coming with ill intent. But you’re still young, my mother had me when she was so young, she’d tell me how hard it was to raise a child while she was trying to grow up herself..‘’ He continues;

‘’- We only dropped the age level from twenty-four to nine but-‘’ He sends _a look_ to the designer; ‘’- But if you were here in New York, we could help you not just after the birth, but also later. ‘’

Aiki nods and bows her head slightly; ‘’- You care about me and Haruya, I know that from the bottom of my heart. And true, initially things will be hard for us. But I want my child to grow up watching the sceneries Himekami-san would talk to me about. Longingly.‘’

‘’- I.. made up my mind, Mizuki-san, Ao. ‘’

A silence gets separated for processing; ‘’- If that’s your decision then our place is to support you as much as we can. ‘’ Aka says after. Ao nods, agreeing with his husband;

‘’- Himekami raised you so that you never hesitated to fight for what you want. I know you two can pull off everything life brings up in front of you. ‘’ There, his gaze turns to Haruya, who just gives a small shrug and escapes his gaze before moving to stand up;

‘’- Then if this is settled, I will be going to the office. ‘’

‘’- To _PARAIZO_ office? You haven’t prepared any sketches. ‘’ Aiki furrows her brows and asks.

Haruya stops by the door, his shoulders turned away to hide the hesitance inside his orbs as he says;

 _‘_ _’- I am going there to quit. ‘’_

_‘’- What!-‘’_ Aiki drags her chair back and stands up in a sharp move. Ao lifts an arm and slows her down, reminding her to calm down;

‘’- Don’t. Let him do what he wants. ‘’

As Haruya slips out of the kitchen, Ao shakes his head to his husband who is leaving the table to go after him. He glares at him;

-‘’ Shuu, _no_. This would be a career suicide for him. Brands wouldn’t work with him, don’t you-‘’

-‘’ I am sure he has something in his head. _If not, he will have a lesson to learn and a mistake to experience._ ‘’

* * *

Following the next two months, Ao and Aiki fly to Japan for her to settle to the mansion in Hiroshima, and for Ao to take care of his businesses there. Haruya has to stay in New York, he gets buried fast into stressful negotiations with high-tier brands for their artistic director position, or a contract for a collaboration. Having damaged his reputation by abruptly cutting ties with his previous brand in the middle of a season, things do not go easy for him.

Aka, using his well-built ties and position as a respected company owner -and caring about him deeply- helps him. He arranges and joins few of his meetings, as sometimes the designer gets visibly uncomfortable being around new faces.

This meeting Aka have invited the directors of _Ralph Lauren_ to his brand office, for a warmer and more casual atmosphere;

‘’- I want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules to be here today, this was quite a promising meeting.‘’ Aka says when the meeting is over and he sees them off, a phrase straight out of a business book, but it is about the delivery anyway. Haruya too, mutters few of his memorized sentences as they shake hands.

‘’- And about the contacts you want, I’ll make sure to send Scott an e-mail about it. ‘’ Then, Aka quickly walks to a fancy cabinet and grabs three packages from it. He hands them to the brand directors just out of the door, giving a charismatic smile;

‘’- It’s _Turkish delight._ My husband’s friend occasionally visits Istanbul, she brings these for us. Please enjoy, it is a delicacy. ‘’

Aka lets out an extended breath and leans his back to the door after them; ‘’- Well.. this was vastly insincere and shitty. But I think they are open to the idea of signing a contract with you. ‘’ He looks to the designer by the window who is letting out all the tics he has been pushing down throughout the meeting;

‘’- They seem like they wouldn’t be as _controlling_ as the other brands towards your _vision_. What do you think? ‘’

-‘’ I hated his perfume. ‘’ Aka sure _knows_ which one he is talking about. He leaves the door and stands in front of a mirror. He quickly checks his appearance and fixes his hair;

-‘’ Oh, don’t tell me. ‘’ He tells Haruya to open the windows to let the air in and unbuttons his dark red blazer;

‘’ - I know someone from _Moschino’_ s brand team, she spends her breaks in a pub a walk away from here. We should be able to.. _run into her_ if we leave now. Then we open up a conversation. ‘’ Haruya’s shoulders are slacking as he turns and looks at him hopelessly;

-‘’ I’m tired. ‘’

-‘’ I don’t care, you asked this for yourself. ‘’ Aka quickly responds. However, seeing the way the young man stands like a wet-eyed cat makes him step back from his _brilliant plan._

The designer asks if he can get some from the oriental dessert, he extends him a package while calling his assistant;

‘’- Send _(…)’_ s makeup artist _Scott_ an email asking for a meeting with Ralph Lauren’s directors and us. Yes, and I’d be so happy if you could send two espressos to the rooftop. That’s it, thank you, Touka. ‘’

-‘’ Isn’t Scott launching his own brand? He wouldn’t collaborate with them. Why didn’t you tell them? ‘’

-‘’ Scott can tell them, we need to show that we are _‘helping’_ , so that you are brought up on their next board meeting.‘’ Aka explains, then pats a hand to the side of his arm; ‘’- Let’s go up to the roof, I need a cigarette. ‘’

* * *

Aka leans back in the wicker chair and releases a long drag of smoke from his cigarette, his hazel eyes looking up at the grey clouds and upset sky;

-‘’ Speaking of launching a brand.. Why don’t you consider building your own fashion house? ‘’ On the question, Haruya scratches the back of his hair with a troubled look on his face;

-‘’ I could if I sold the mansion but.. now I would have to take loans, which is scary, or find investors, which would be the same thing as working for a brand as they would try to direct my passion nevertheless. ‘’

-‘’ I could invest for you. ‘’ Haruya shakes his head as he takes out his phone and starts scrolling down Instagram;

-‘’ You are successful Aka but you’re not _Estee Lauder_ or in _Sephora._ You’re an indie brand, investing in me would be detrimental to your business. ‘’

As Aka sips his espresso and grimaces at the rain clouds, Haruya places an airpod to his left ear and taps on the story Izaya have posted few hours ago—

where he announces inside a chaotic party bus that he will be the brand face for _Fendi’_ s upcoming collection..

He pulls the airpod out; ‘’- I changed my mind. Let’s go to that pub you told me about. ‘’

Aka lifts a brow up to him and catches the phone from the designer’s hand before he has the chance to tap off the screen. He sees the video, then looks up at the designer;

‘’- That’s not a way to go, Haru-ko. ‘’

* * *

Still, the announcement fuels the designer into sporting his best fitted-casual suit and putting on a _‘’promising’’_ act -at the expense of an anxiety attack later- when Aka manages to set a meeting with the entire board of directors of _Louis V._

And they are _happy_ , to possibly work _‘’with the son of legendary designer Shiki Reiya, who brought out the most delightful collections for the brand in the past.’’_ They ask him to prepare a sketch folder as a trial of sorts, as theirs is an established brand with a certain _look_ when it comes to designs. After the meeting Aka advises him to maybe not follow it, but Haruya takes the offer.

Pushed into going through catalogues and trying to find a way to blend the brand’s classic style with his innovative, oriental and constantly renewing designs, Haruya shuts himself up to his apartment. Meanwhile Ao has returned from Japan; Aka and him try to get him out of the house, Aiki calls him multiple times a day to urge him the same.

In the end, the successful move comes from his two model friends Dunia and Muugi.

The fashion designer’s nails are deep into his scalp with an untouched sheet of paper in front of him when he gets a call from Muugi;

_‘’- We’re at your door. ‘’_

The two models jump to his neck and squeeze him into warm hugs when he walks downstairs and opens the door for them;

-‘’ Why are you not responding to your text Haruya? ‘’ Muugi asks.

-‘’ We’re in summer, and you’re locking yourself inside your home with this..thick robe on your shoulders?- ‘’ Dunia adds, brushing a hand on the fuzzy black robe on him; ‘’- You’re not going to get these years back, you know. ‘’

-‘’ I’m.. trying to come up with these _‘trial sketches’_ for Louis Vuitton’s board team and..’’ He tellingly shakes his head and sighs afterwards, inviting them in.

Once he closes the entrance door, Dunia places her one hand on her hip;

-‘’ Well in any case you have one and a half hours to shave, shower, _get rid of that robe_ _please_ and get ready for a night out. ‘’ The other model slips under his arm and starts walking him to the direction of the shower before he can open his mouth to turn them down, claiming that he is too busy;

-‘’ Aiki trusted you to me, Haruya. I don’t know why she didn’t let us know sooner that you were struggling but I refuse to hear objection. We’re taking you somewhere calm but still fun. ‘’

Dunia tucks the black robe into the washing machine and they wait for him in the kitchen;

-‘’ That brand is holy and all but just not _him_ , you know? Why is he pushing it? ‘’

-‘’ I think because of that model, _Izaya_. Ever since they broke up he’s _thriving_ thanks to Haruya. He wants to prove himself, maybe? ‘’ Muugi comments while texting Aiki to let her know that they are with him.

-‘’ Oh..‘’

After a half-hearted shower, the designer does feel refreshed. He had picked a simple outfit consisting of a grey blazer, a V-neck and jeans. After laying them onto the bed, he sits at the vanity desk in his bedroom and starts blow-drying his hair.

His gaze stops at the tube of lip gloss sitting there, the one that Izaya put on for the after-party of his previous show, rest of the memories follow.. Putting the hairdryer aside, he takes the cylinder item and examines it. After a consideration, he puts it on; it is a clear gloss with glitter in it, he tilts his head against the mirror-lights and watches the orange-yellow and greenish glitter dance on his lips.

He picks up the grey blazer to his hand to wear it, but then turns back to the wardrobe and changes it to a midnight blue, double-breasted blazer instead. Without wearing anything underneath, he makes the fitted piece look more casual by putting on the rose-gold earring he got from Aka.

After a touch of _Neroli Portofino_ from _Tom Ford_ ; fresh with bergamot and the tiniest, pleasant notes of lemon for a summer night in New York City, he goes downstairs and places awed smirks onto the lips of the two models waiting for him.

Dunia immediately pulls out a blue-mascara and a highlighter from her bag; _‘’- Please? ‘’_

The designer nods.

* * *

_‘’ When I watched your first bathing_ _  
I only warned you with a lowered voice  
"Be wary of my river's undertow  
It flows with water from the coldest source"  
Did you hear?’’_

The place Dunia and Muugi have chosen is illuminated under ocean blue lights, they inform him that a singer called _Tamino_ is playing today, calm notes and dimmed faces of the crowd. They stand around a small table a bit away from the people with few drinks and short conversations in between;

-‘’ I heard Huzzam left the atelier, do you know why? ‘’ Haruya shakes his head, rotating his drink glass and watching the liquid sway under blue light;

-‘’ I have no idea.. Everyone leaves me nowadays anyway. ‘’

-‘’ Ah come on don’t talk like that. ‘’ Muugi leans in and puts a small kiss on his cheek, lifting a smile onto the designer’s gentle features.

As the music takes over, they absentmindedly scroll down on their phones. Haruya lifts a brow;

 _‘’ Izaya is in New York..’_ ’

He looks up from his phone to tell them about it, only to meet Dunia’s green eyes growing bigger by the second as she watches the group of people walking in from the entrance door.

‘ _’- Don’t look behind you. ‘’_ Muugi extends a hand onto his arm to stop the designer from _looking back_. Haruya does anyway—

_‘’ And I made sure_

_You would always return_

_You still know of dawn_

_But you always return..’’_

Izaya immediately sees him from across, lips parted and he _is_ as surprised as Haruya. But he swiftly turns away and follows the group he is with to a lounge.

Haruya finishes his drink and grabs his phone and cigarettes from the table; ‘’- I’ll go outside for a smoke. ‘’

-‘’ Haruya I had no idea-‘’

-‘’ No it’s okay. I liked the artist, I’ll come back in few minutes. ‘’

_‘’Indeed, it's wrong to keep you near me_ _  
One could call me cruel and deceiving  
But in your sacred air I am full of light  
Your loving arms are the true delight  
To which I'm lost’’_

Haruya takes fast and aggressive drags from his cigarette. A black cat tangles itself to his feet, he crouches down and pets it, then blinks his electric-blue painted lashes up at the starry velvet of the night.

 _‘’- God, your highlighter is visible from the other side of the room._ You have to tell me the brand of that thing. ‘’ He doesn’t reply Izaya’s question and turns away from him with the cat when he crouches next to him.

While Izaya smirks at his behaviour _and ‘’how much I missed you..’’_ reflects to his pretty eyes, the designer sends him the quickest look and sees that his hair is dyed to blue-black, shiny as always under solitary sky;

-‘’ I like your hair. ‘’

-‘’ Thanks, I love that jacket on you, but _chill_ with the perfume, please. ‘’

Haruya lets the cat go and stands up. Izaya too, then lights himself a cigarette; ‘’- So, what are you up to nowadays? ‘’

Not really hearing his question, Haruya eyes him from head to toe, his brows furrow and he steps back and stands behind him; ‘’- I don’t know who tailored this blazer on you but they did a bad, _bad_ job. ‘’ He pinches the fabric and makes some adjustments; ‘’- I see that it is supposed to be oversized, but this is certainly not for your body..’’

Izaya lets out a line of smoke towards the pavement; ‘’- Yeah, the agency hired a stylist for me. I.. don’t exactly have a say in what I am going to wear in front of cameras. ‘’

‘’- I might work with Louis V. in the next season. I’m preparing some sketches for them. ‘’ Haruya replies the earlier question. Izaya’s lifts his brows up;

-‘’ Well that’s not very _you_ but.. Will you be happy working for them? ‘’

-‘’ No. _But I will be big. ‘’_ The model gives a light-hearted huff;

-‘’ Just because your father belittled PARAIZO’s brand-vision, and because of me? ‘’ The designer visibly struggles as he shuts his eyes and suppresses a tic;

-‘’ Maybe I have _passions_ like yours too, Izaya. Did that ever cross your mind? ‘’

Izaya looks at him thoughtfully, then shakes his head and crushes his cigarette under _Fendi_ ankle boots; ‘’- Yes, you are passionate about the sketch paper in front of you, the fabric on your model’s body. _Not the font size of your name on a magazine. ‘’_

He stands right in front of him and places a kiss on his forehead, whispering; ‘’- _I love your mascara_ , please don’t burn yourself out. ‘’

* * *

He returns to Dunia and Muugi’s side with two shots of tequila in his hands and drinks them back-to-back in front of the two models slightly horrified eyes. Him and Izaya don’t look at each other’s way; Haruya sways a little and listens to the music with his head leaned onto Dunia’s one shoulder.

_‘’And you've noticed it_ _  
There is something right here  
You have come to love, yes you've come to love  
What you always will fear’’ **-** **Tamino, Persephone**_

When the night comes to an end and he is drunk for good, Muugi offers to go to their apartment. He accepts, it is a model apartment with bunch of _xs_ girls conversating into the night in satiny pyjamas, some drinking to themselves. He feels a little weird for being the only male there. He meets all of them, and the girls are warm to him; they share few more drinks and tasteless biscuits before he falls asleep in between Muugi and Dunia on a king-sized bed; satin under, love in dreams.

* * *

He taps his index finger on the desk, he has a red pencil in his curled fist that is resting under his chin. He is sitting by an open window with curtains brushing their edges through the cool breeze. Ever-moving crowd and cars below.

He takes a sip from the water near him, his eyes on his pain medication. He taps on his phone screen to look at the clock and sees that he has to wait at least another hour before he can take another pill.

He tries to focus on the design in front of him; A dark red, ankle-length skirt coloured to give a leather feel. He puts down the pencil after adding few more streaks, his hand wraps around his upper-arm and he massages his bony limbs.

_‘’- Fuck’s sake not now. ‘’_ He is close to being done with the sketches; however uninspired they are, he has to send the scans as soon as possible.

He places his forehead on the desk and moves back and forth for some time, before deciding to run himself a bath. Aiki calls him meanwhile, not wanting to worry her, he ignores her call.

Arms wrapped around his pale legs, he bends in two under warm water, squeezed shut eyes, he hears his phone vibrating at the sink but focuses on alleviating the pain radiating under, over, _through_ his bones.. Water has turned cold; he only leaves the tub once he feels that he can take another pill.

It is summer, he is cold all over. He wraps a fuzzy robe around himself, a plain t-shirt and shorts under. It is after he had taken another pill that he hears the doorbell. A little shaky, he starts walking down the stairs,

Halfway, he holds onto the railing and shuts his eyes against the sudden crumble of dark before his vision. He sits down, panting from the abrupt fear and ache. That must be Ao at the door, because only he has a key to his apartment. He comes in, Haruya sends him an exhausted look.

Ao quickly climbs the stairs and lowers next to him, he wraps a strong arm around his shaky shoulders; ‘’- Where is it? And rate the pain.‘’

‘’- My bones..-‘’ Haruya cracks a miserable smile; ‘’- It’s a good _seven._ I think. ‘’

-‘’ Okay I’m taking you to the clinic. ‘’

-‘’ No.’’ Haruya stops him, wincing at the ache right after; ‘’- I’m.. in the middle of something, Ao. I took medication, let’s wait for it to work. ‘’ Ao’s brows furrow, he looks down at his face;

-‘’ What do you mean, Haruya? You don’t have to be in pain- ‘’

_-‘’ That is my life Ao!-‘’_ The designer yells suddenly, then hides his face in between his knees; ‘’- Sorry, sorry I know. I’m.. a little miserable right now. _You know_ I’ve had it worse before, let’s wait for the pills to work. ‘’

Sighing, Ao checks if he has fever, then presses his forehead against his chest; ‘’- Let’s get you up to your bed then. Wrap your arms around my neck. ‘’

After that, Ao calls Aiki. He tells her that everything is okay, _he has just overworked himself and fell asleep_ ; A white lie that he can explain later. Meanwhile the designer is digging his nails deep into his palms and shivering under a blanket.. Birds are chirping outside.

Ending the call, he notices the sketches spread onto the desk. He takes few of them and examines them, his brow lifts up.

He then hears the voice asking thinly;

-‘’ Why can’t I do anything correctly, Ao? ‘’ Ao replies without a pause;

-‘’ I think you’ve overcome many obstacles in your young age and you're doing just fine, Haruya. _But-_ ‘’ He carefully puts down the sketches and turns to him; ‘’- Do you think you are in a state to hear few sincere thoughts? ‘’

‘’- Yes.’’

Ao takes the carafe and fills a glass of water for him; ‘’- _Personalities_ like you can only work in places they are accepted unconditionally. And that brand, _PARAIZO,_ was a place where you could express your art freely, _and_ be a designer with a name.’’ He walks to the bed and helps him to lean back to the headboard before handing him the glass; ‘’- And Haruya, that is what you do; _you do art, you don’t do commercial designs for red carpet._ And now-‘’

He sits next to him and points his index finger at the sketches on the desk across; ‘’- Those are beautiful, but they look like they are straight out of your father’s pen.’’

‘’- So, I think you should _close that folder_ , put it away, and take a step back to _heal your_ _soul._ Everything came on top of each other in the last few months, I don’t know if you realize but you haven’t taken a good breath in a minute..’’

Haruya considers and nods.

‘’- Akane’s school is closing for summer holiday, we’re flying to Italy for a month. I rented a place in _Monterosso Al Mare_ , a villa on a cliff, looking right at the sea-‘’ Ao watches the dazzled smile that slowly widens on the designer’s lips;

‘’- Sounds good, right? Join us there, get some sunlight in you. ‘’

* * *

_Two Weeks Later –_

**_Monterosso Al Mare, Italy_ **

****

It has been a week since they flew here, a beautiful, canary-yellow painted villa. He walks to the beach two times a day; swims under the crack of dawn and when the sun starts drawing its curtains away. His skin has already bathed into a sweet tan, a colour came back to his face; he feels better and stronger by the day, having turned off his phone, he doesn’t _know_ , but he does think about him; At the last hours of afternoon before-stars, with his arms crossed on the white painted railings of the balcony, gaze long and longing against the distant waves of the sea, short wind tousling his hair—

He turns the volume up on the small radio next to him and lights himself a cigarette. Picking up his paperback and settling to the faint-peach armchair he had dragged to the balcony, he takes a sip from his _limoncello_ …

‘’Nel dolce incanto del mattino _/ In the sweet enchantment of morning_

il mare ti ha portato a me _/ The sea leads you towards me_

socchiudo gli occhi a me vicino _/ Blinking eyes beside me_

a Portofino rivedo te _/ In Portofino I see you again..’’ – Dalida, I found my love in Portofino_

* * *

Ao is by the counter, chopping down green and red peppers for a recipe he got from the owner of a local restaurant here. Akane curiously runs to Aka when the makeup artist sticks to the window and blurts out;

_-‘’ He’s here!-‘’_

-‘’ Hm? Are we expecting someone? ‘’ Ao puts down the knife and wipes his hands to a cloth while walking towards them. The face he sees passing the wildgrass and trees surprises him greatly.

It is _Izaya._

He turns to look at his husband for an explanation, but Aka has already walked up to the door of the villa;

-‘’ Did he see you? He was at the pergola. ‘’ Aka asks, pulling the model from his arm and giving him an ecstatic, a bit crushing hug. Izaya shakes his head and returns the hug;

-‘’ No he didn’t. He was just.. sitting absentmindedly. ‘’

Ao too, opens his arms to him and asks while greeting him; ‘’- Okay who will tell me what is this about? ‘’

Him and Aka exchange a look, then Izaya slips out something from his pocket;

‘’- Um.. basically there is a high chance that I can receive a solid punch from the fashion designer of the decade-‘’ Ao’s brows lift up as he sees the ring box that Izaya is parting open; revealing a rose-gold engagement ring inside;

_‘’- Or I can possibly marry him. ‘’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I am marrying them.


	9. Mimosa Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a high chance that this chapter lacks my usual 'rhythm' and style, (is stiff), and it is very short because I literally spent more time browsing on English language forums to figure out if a preposition is correct than to actually write. I hope it makes you feel something though. I.. spent 12 days writing this.
> 
> btw @skzya gifted me a fanart for this fic <3 you can see it here (I hope the link works lol); https://skzya.tumblr.com/post/617791383203348480/he-is-carrying-a-black-makeup-case-hazel-eyes
> 
> *seikai: means ''correct '' in Japanese.  
> *Torta Monterossina : https://blog.giallozafferano.it/vickyart/torta-monterossina-ricetta-dolce-ripieno-con-crema/ (the site is in Italian )

Pacing the room in bouncy steps, Aka and Izaya discuss the plan of action for his proposal. Akane appears with a willow basket full of flowers and pulls the two out of their chaotic excitement. She offers him the basket; Aka gives an encouraging pat _-smack-_ on his back and sends him out to the designer’s way.

The model walks in stealthy steps with a flutter in his chest. A broad grin spreads across his face as he observes the man under a cedar pergola, enjoying the tangerine sunset of Italian coast on a swing bed; with turquoise pillows supporting his back and a bowl of watermelon in his lap.

He ends up behind his shoulders and closes his unoccupied hand over his sunglasses;

-‘’ Who am I? ‘’ Receiver of the question drags his fork down on his bottom lip;

-‘’ Izaya? ‘’

 _-‘’ Seikai! ‘’_ Izaya empties the bucket of colourful flowers over his head and then swiftly hops next to him on the swing bed.

Haruya removes his sunglasses and eyes him confusedly;

‘’- Why are you here, for a campaign shoot? ‘’

Izaya stares at the one daisy that is stuck in his hair, one sitting on the dip of his right collarbone. He finds the pre-planned sentences he’d rehearsed with Aka fine away in the twitch of his enamoured grin; the explanation he wanted offer to Haruya’s arched brows and sun-kind skin. All gone,

He blinks and wets his lips, his lashes flutter.

Perplexed by the ongoing silence, Haruya puts down the watermelon bowl -inside, a small petunia swimming in pinkish water- next to the feet of the pergola. A look of _‘’What is going on? ‘’_ tightens his expression; ‘’- Izaya? ‘’

Izaya draws the ring box out of his pocket and places it onto the space in between them.

A pause follows the quiver of his lips; _‘’- ..Marry me? ‘’_ He asks then, opening the box to reveal a rose-gold ring that has silhouette of pansies finely engraved onto the narrow band.

The designer’s lips part open. He stares at the ring, then his wide-eyed gaze lifts to Izaya. Something of a laugh escapes his chest then, he picks the ring box to his hands; ‘’- Come again? ‘’ He lets out awkwardly towards the object.

With fond eyes, Izaya watches him focus in order to suppress few tics.

‘’- You broke up with me, Izaya. What is this? ‘’ He asks with a small dimple visible in his right cheek.

But when his gaze meets Izaya’s wine like eyes lingering unfocused on the heaven-blue coast, honeyed surprise of his lips waver.

‘’- I lost a friend recently. ‘’ Izaya leans into the wind and reveals with a stiff voice. He holds his hands together in between his knees; ‘’- _The morning after a party._ I was blackout drunk by the end of the night— I..remember seeing him take drugs with other models but who cares?- ‘’ He sends him a short look; ‘’- You can probably guess the rest.‘’

His eyes follow the albatross aloft in the air;

‘’- Ever since that I’ve been thinking about my grandmother. How she wouldn’t want me to open my eyes in random people’s houses. People who I don’t know nor trust, but they have followers on Instagram and I can use them for clout.’’

‘’ – I never shared this with you, but it was her who raised me to be a success-driven person- ‘’ He puts his elbows on his knees and wraps his arms around himself before adding;

‘’- But I think I forgot the fact somewhere on the way; _that no matter how determined she was, she never lacked love._ ‘’

Haruya looks at him mournfully, Izaya replies his look with a tight-lipped smile before widening it to a grin; ‘’- I am not cut out for the kind of success Shiki Reiya has, Haruya; I love people, _and I want to wake up next to you every morning._ ‘’

‘’- You can think about the-‘’ Before Izaya completes his sentence, the designer switches his mother’s emerald ring to his other hand and slips the gold-rose ring on his finger. He then opens his left hand to expose his palm;

‘’- Give me other ring. ‘’ He lovingly observes the second ring with Celtic knots engraved on the band, then slips it on Izaya’s finger. They dive into a hug where their hands simultaneously grip the back of the shirts they are wearing.

Meanwhile, Aka sends his husband a smug look from where they’re watching the two from the veranda of the villa;

‘’ - I told you they were going to be sobbing messes under four minutes. Give me my twenty euros. ‘’ He raises his hand up to him, Ao places a twenty-euro banknote on his palm. Aka then passes the money to Akane who excitedly runs towards her _‘’investment for lots of gelato’’_ jar in the kitchen.

‘’ - He deserves to be happy. ‘’

-‘’ Akabayashi-san told me you stayed in a hospital before you came here. Are you okay? ‘’ Izaya tangles his fingers into the designer’s hair and asks in a whisper. He feels him nod against his shoulder;

-‘’ I.. overworked and gave myself a pain crisis. Nothing out of the ordinary-‘’ Forcing a laugh, he pulls away from the hug; ‘’- I get bitchy when I am in pain. Just so you know. ‘’ He adds. Izaya’s head fall onto his lap with a cheery laughter.

‘’- Also, we’ll have to live in my apartment, at least for a while. I don’t like sudden changes. ‘’

‘’- ‘kay, princess. ‘’

Haruya feels his thick black hair under his palm and smiles, watching the red glow of sunset burst on the rhythmic waves of the sea;

‘’- I don’t want to make this a melodrama, I will live with this illness for the rest of my life. But if you want to be with me, if you want to hold my hand, Izaya; know that we’ll have some long, long nights where you will watch every painkiller inside the cabinet fail to work on me.

Ao makes it seem easy, he’s been holding my hand, along with my mother and after her. But if you find yourself struggling sometimes, you have to know that it’s okay, it’s not a problem. ‘’

-‘’ I love you. ‘’ Izaya lets out hoarsely, in a beautiful mix of emotions.

-‘’ _Thank you._ I love you too. ‘’

* * *

The sky turns blue, and blue deepens after a while. It invites a handful of fireflies around the veranda table where Ao and Izaya are resting after a long and joyous dinner. Aka’s sent Haruya and Akane downtown to get some celebratory _torta monterossina;_ a dessert of Monterosso Al Mare. Along with more wine.

-‘’ It was hard to watch him struggle. Make mistakes. Even though he gained experience and came out stronger in the end. ‘’ Ao thanks him when Izaya lights his cigarette for him.

He lets out a thin stream of smoke into the air and continues;

-‘’ I let him, because I thought that’s what Himekami would’ve wanted me to do. But I should’ve acted sooner, before I found him in pain like that. He’s better now, he takes walks with Akane, eats well.‘’ He gives him a genuine smile.

Aka joins them, taking a vacant chair. He pulls himself a cigarette and lights it using the tip of his husband’s cigarette;

-‘’ Oh, are we asking blessing? Don’t give in that easily, Shuu, make him suffer. ‘’

-‘’ I'm not his father. I'm not supposed to give my blessing or anything. ‘’

-‘’ He cares about you more than his father, Aozaki-san. ‘’ Izaya justifiably points out, and adds; ‘’- I will make him a happy man. Promise. ‘’

Ao lets out a vigorous laugh on that. Aka extends his hand to the radio standing on the table and turns the volume up, asking; ‘’- Oh what is this song? ‘’

‘’ - _il nostro romanzo_ from _Adamo_ , if my memory isn’t failing me. ‘’ Ao replies after listening to it for a while.

-‘’ I feel like you asked just to make him speak Italian, Akabayashi-san.‘’

-‘’ _Shush there, groom-to-be._ ‘’

* * *

‘’- Haruya-nii-san will you _please_ stop staring at your ring? Look, they have brownies too, should we get some? ‘’

The designer turns his attention to various desserts displayed behind a glass. Indeed, the brownies look appetizing. He asks the lady there to add some into their order.

They walk alongside a series of busy cafes on a stone road where mellow lights seep from the decorative lamps all throughout walls. Cool breeze brushes across their arms. Meanwhile, their dimpled smiles are not one to pass by;

-‘’ _You should trust the stars with your happiness._ That’s what my father says. ‘’ Akane says, watching the night sky with a pair of mesmerized eyes. Thinking she might trip on a rock, Haruya holds from her hand;

-‘’ That sounds like something Aka would say. ‘’ She hums a _‘yes._ ’

They stop in the middle of the road. Stars twinkle across the sky;

-‘’ _I know how it is to feel like you will never be happy, Haruya-san;_ that is why I am glad you can be happy now with Izaya-san. ‘’

Setting the bags onto the pavement, the fashion designer drops to one knee and wraps her in a tight hug…

* * *

**Chapter 9 –**

**Mimosa Flowers**

Arranging the wedding takes about three months; a vacant spot in ‘reserved-for-the-next-six-months’ _Prince George Ballroom_ miraculously appears thanks to Ao’s contacts, and the rest follows with Aka’s enthusiasm and insightful choices. While Aiki is unable to attend the wedding, she takes over the calls whenever Izaya gets overwhelmed with the number of catalogues pushed in front of him. Him and Aka send invitations to important faces of NYC fashion and entertainment industry..

Haruya designs and sews his husband’s suit himself; meanwhile asking his trainees to prepare his suit.

The result appears to be a mimosa-decorated heaven under rich green and gold pillars surrounding the heavily neoclassical interior of the spacious venue. Ao’s given his final instructions to his chefs and servers in the kitchen and is greeting the guests when he sees the designer’s two trainees running around in panicking gazes. He points them the direction of the dressing room.

‘’ - I can’t believe you didn’t think of re-taking measurements in between tailoring. I mean the guy is getting married to his true love, _of course_ he’s going to put on few pounds. ‘’ Lin scolds Natsuki as they gracefully balance on high heels on the way to deliver a fitted suit jacket.

‘’- Here they arrive, my clumsy tailors.’’ The designer greets them with a perfectly _innocent_ smile from the makeup station where a certain redhead is working a contour brush to chisel his handsome face to perfection.

Unfazed by the threat of powder stains, Aka is in a slick blue suit. He picks the honey-brown eye pencil he used earlier and meets the groom’s eyes; ‘’- When tonight’s over, I want you to make a post on Instagram telling how _tear-proof_ this eye pencil was, and you’re going to tag my brand on it alright?’’ He lifts his eyes to Izaya and watches him walk into the room all ready with his artfully tailored suit enhancing his unrivaled glamour..

Unaware of the person standing behind him, the designer lets out a soft chuckle while nodding his head. Aka takes his hand and politely makes him stand up, whispering;

‘’- Look behind you, Haruya. ‘’

_He is an unparalleled beauty to his eyes; presenting him a handful of emotions that he sometimes can’t grasp, don't feel enough to hug them all._ He averts his gaze down as they stay wrapped in each other’s arms and the room falls into an understanding silence. Izaya reaches for his hands and asks in a soft tone;

‘’- How do I look babe? ‘’ Haruya sew the suit but hasn’t seen it on him, his trainees were giving him feedback in the process of making.

It is beautiful. The colour of the fabric is an opulent shade of purple, just enough dark introducing more ruby red into his gaze. A cape of embroidered lace reaching to his elbows is attached to the shoulders of the elegant jacket, the colour matching Haruya’s lemon cream coloured suit. Perhaps hinting at a veil. He is carrying heavy yellow-diamond earrings as if they’re part of his everyday look; they add grace to his androgynous features lightly coloured by Aka’s skilful brush.

He’s holding back tears while Lin helps him wear his jacket, then Izaya buttons his vest and fixes the bowtie matching his suit; ''- And the designer's comment? ''

Haruya gives a small tic of his head and talks through little tremors of wholesome nervousness;

‘’- _You are my inspiration,_ that should tell you enough. ‘’

Izaya smiles at him affectionately while draping a rainbow flag around his shoulders.

* * *

The walk down the aisle is glorious and emotional; delivering a story through trusted friends. Muugi and Dunia possess the podium with Akane walking in between them. Haruya’s models follow in stately steps, each of them carrying long stems of yellow mimosa flower.

Ao offers Haruya his arm. Gazing at the flag on his shoulders brings a broad smile to his lips. With that, he turns his head and gifts his husband a look nostalgia. Aka gives a dramatic sigh and links arms with Izaya.

They slowly walk down the aisle under incandescent yellow lights;

- _‘’ I wish my mother could see us. ‘’_

-‘’ _She is watching, I promise_. _Smile_. ‘’

-‘’ Is that _Paris Hilton_ , she _actually_ came? ‘’ Izaya flashes a broad grin at the cameras filming the ceremony. 

-‘’ Yes, get married fast so that I can seal a collab’ deal with her. Or her chihuahua. ‘’

When it is time for the wedding vows, Aka holds the microphone for the ecstatic couple, an interpreter translates their sentences to English for the guests.

Haruya says his vows first;

‘’- The first time I saw you, you were wearing _Louis Vuitton_ stilettos; it was at my birthday party. I’m a designer, I pay attention to these things, Izaya; If someone is wearing a shoe that will inarguably be a pain on their feet throughout the night, that means they are there for making a statement. And.. _yes, you looked at me once, and instantly became the most confusing statement of my life._ ‘’

His throat tightens. Izaya stretches his arm in his direction and hold his hand when he pauses, mouthing a ‘’take your time’’. He looks down at their joined hands and gives a small laugh. His eyes well up;

‘’- Nothing in my life had ever been easy, you weren’t either. But you are the tenderest lover, and I promise to hold your hand just like you are holding mine now-‘’ He meets his gaze; ‘’- There is no one else I would want to set sail on this journey with. I love you, meaning I trust you with a really delicate heart; _and_ _God—_ I can’t wait to call you my husband. ‘’ A laughter among the teary-eyed guests hang in the air when he falls silent.

Izaya looks into his eyes as Haruya’s shimmering brown orbs stay unwavering on him. He finds it funny that their hands are shaking, hearts racing despite them being in front of cameras and people most of the time.

He decides to ignore his written speech at the last moment;

‘’- When.. I lost the person who was the dearest to me in my life, who raised me up and taught me love and determination, I left everything in Japan and came here. It was a sudden decision; I didn’t process my loss, nor I wanted to deal with it. ‘’ He gives a shrug and pauses, smirking tightly before continuing;

‘’ - And maybe it wasn’t so bad. _Because New York was mostly kind to me Haruya, but you were the only person who recognized the grief I was trying so hard to keep hidden in my chest._ I love you too, your delicate nature, daring brain. I trust you that you’ll continue dressing me into your magnificent designs from now on too. Finally, I promise to turn to you whenever I need strength; as you are the strongest person I've ever known... ‘’

_‘’…And_ _by the power vested in me_ _by the laws of the_ _state of New York_ , _I now pronounce you husband and husband…’_ ’

* * *

Standing, Ao lifts his glass to toast, turning the crowd’s attention to the young couple. In order to take strength for this emotional moment, he puts his free hand on Aka’s shoulder. The other turns his head and gives a blink to Akane sitting next to him;

‘’- Izaya, Haruya; Continue reflecting the kindness you were nurtured in, and always listen to each other. _The key is in knowing that kindness takes more strength than one would imagine._ ‘’ He sends a small look to his husband; ‘’- May you never lose the empathy you have for each other, kids. Congratulations. Cheers. ‘’

‘’- I love it when you get emotional about your children, _danna_. ‘’Aka teases him as they dance along with the crowd to Leonard Cohen’s _‘Dance me to the end of love’_. They are hand in hand under flickering lights, staring devotedly at one another..

Aka turns his head and watches Akane dance joyfully with Haruya on the illuminated dance floor. Those two have designed her bubblegum-pink suit together and now they resembled a pair of awkward mascots in a candy commercial. Izaya is in one corner. Now married, he is socializing with celebrities and flashing two selfies a second.

He laughs, trying to hide it by sticking his forehead on Ao’s chest; ‘’- Shuu look at them, they’re so cute. ‘’ Ao watches the crinkles near his eyes with a hint of smile on his lips.

‘’- If someone asked me what happiness was, I’d show them your laugh, Mizuki. Don’t ever stop. ‘’

And like most weddings, this one ends with laughter, music and a fair amount of alcohol…

* * *

A limousine drops the newlywed couple off at the Chelsea Hotel.

They walk hand in hand along the corridors; like sand running back to the sea, to return to the room where it all started.

-‘’ _God—_ I can’t feel my legs. ‘’ Izaya sprawls across the bedspread, letting out a groan of light-hearted discomfort. The designer climbs next to him and puts a kiss on his lips;

-‘’ You were gorgeous. Nobody could carry this design like you did. ‘’ He puts away the diamond earrings Izaya’s taken off grimacing and adds; ‘’- I’ll never forget this night. Thank you. ‘’

‘’- What are you thanking for? _That was our wedding, Haru..._ ‘’

Pulling him softly by his arm, Izaya gifts him a series of short kisses. He starts from his lips and moves to his neck as they slowly undress each other, appreciating the magic of fabric to drop every moment a touch of affection.

Then comes loving _the skin_ and biting Haruya’s wrist-bones. He smells fresh like mimosas, radiating happiness through the limbs he’s wrapped around Izaya; smiling against his lips when Izaya’s slick fingers push inside him to create yearning tunes in his throat. Intimacy quickly turns into worship once he arches into him as deep as he can.

 _Haruya’s name rips skies in him._ As he runs his hand through his hair, feeling the sweat at the back of his neck, Izaya parts his lips open to give a shivering, hoarse moan.

Haruya offers him his porcelain arms -a pair of sacred wings- and they move in the tame rhythm of pleasure and love for a precious moment. Then they lock in an embrace and exchange few murmurous syllables of care, of cherishing each other’s gaze for a future together. And shortly after they asleep in each other’s arms..

* * *

As usual, the designer wakes up at seven o’clock in the morning. He vacantly stares at the ring on his finger for a while, then turns to see Izaya sleeping peacefully with his lips slightly parted. He quietly crawls out of the bed to take a quick shower and doesn’t try to wake him up until their routine _Starbucks_ order arrive.

‘’- Izaya? ‘’ He places a feathery kiss on his parted lips; ‘’- We have a flight in five hours and we haven’t packed yet. ‘’

Izaya furrows his brows and mumbles; ‘’- We have time..I can pack in like..five minutes.’’

''- You mean throwing every unnecassary thing into the suitcase? ''

The designer walks to the table and comes back with a tall Americano, making sure he smells it; ‘’- I ordered you coffee. ‘’

When he stays unresponsive, he leans down and travels the tip of his tongue on his cheekbone. An evil smile appears on his lips when Izaya gives an annoyed groan and hides his head under his pillow.

-‘’Didn’t realize I married a cat.’’ In the end he gives up and takes the Americano his husband extends him.

-‘’ I can’t wait to see Aiki, _and my home._ Ao said he’ll meet us at the airport. Should I order room service or would you like to have breakfast somewhere else? ‘’

Still mostly asleep, the model only manages to catch the first half of that energetic string of sentences. But he gives him a soft smile; ‘’- Hm..I can’t wait to see what your mansion looks like. ‘’

-‘’ The bath is ready. I.. have a phone call to make. ‘’ Izaya raises a playful eyebrow and stands up to move towards the bathroom;

-‘’ Oh, are we keeping secrets from day one? ‘’

-‘’ It’s just an idea, I’ll share with you when I know for sure if it’ll work or not. ‘’

With that, the designer sits by the window-side of the room and calls Aka; ‘’- Morning, Aka. What happened, did they return to you? ‘’

‘’- They did actually, surprisingly fast. They agreed to invest in small portions for your _fashion house_ ; which means my brand can take the biggest chunk of the investment without jeopardizing our interests. Since their portion will be small, they won’t be able to tell you what to do with your brand. Slick, right? ‘’ Aka hears the designer’s happy chuckle on the other line.

‘’- It is. Thank you, Aka. I promise I’ll come up with beautiful collections. ‘’

‘’- I have no doubt on that. Take it as a wedding gift, Haru-ko. Congratulations. ‘’

Leaping atop Izaya, the designer dives into the bathtub, yelling a victorious; ‘’- I am creating my own brand, Izaya! ‘’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I might suck as a writer but I wrote Paris Hilton attending to my fav pairing's wedding, and my friends; sometimes it isn't about being good, it's about being iconic. sfjıgjrrd


	10. Atelier Himekami & The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Je ne regrette rien: I do not regret anything (or I regret nothing).
> 
> Wow this is my first time ending a multi-chapter fanfic..  
> I'm..ah I don't wanna.

**Chapter 10 –**

_Atelier Himekami & The End_

**Hiroshima, Japan**

From the balcony of Shiki Family’s mansion, the chef watches festival fireworks glimmer in night sky and fade out in rhythmic patterns. Then he turns to the bottle of whiskey on the table behind him and pours two.

‘’- Her belly’s grown so big. Though the fact that there is a life in it is still weird to me. ‘’ A faint smile shines on his face as he listens to the designer’s fascinated tone;

‘’- It’s an extraordinary thing that takes so much strength. ‘’ He offers him one of the glasses; ‘’- Here, cheers. ‘’ Sound of the glasses clinking together mixes into the sound of the fireworks in the background.

They finally drink, man-to-man;

-‘’ I was surprised when you said Aka wasn’t coming. ‘’ Ao settles his gaze to the sakura tree in the distance and sighs;

-‘’ He told me he vowed to never come back to Japan.. I’ll fly to Okinawa in couple days and visit his mother for him. ‘’ Haruya nods, then rests his head on Ao’s shoulder.

A while later, Aiki stands by the balcony door; ‘’ - Ao, Haru. _We have a guest_. ‘’ She weighs Haruya’s reaction when he turns and sees _the guest_ and then leaves them alone with a hesitant expression on her face.

‘’- Good evening, gentlemen. ‘’ _Shiki Reiya_ greets the two men, walking in with a fancy white suit of his design; ‘’- Good to be home. ‘’

He turns his gaze to his son;

-‘’ I heard that you were starting your own brand. Working for your own atelier is the best move for a designer like you. Congratulations. ‘’ He adds with a small tilt of his head; ‘’- On your wedding, also. ‘’

When he hugs him, Haruya turns his baffled eyes to Ao, but returns the hug when he eyes him to do so;

-‘’ How did you learn? ‘’ Reiya turns to pour himself some whiskey;

-‘’ How do you think? _Your investors came to me Haruya,_ asking me if you could actually handle owning a high fashion brand. I told them that my son doesn’t know anything about business, but he can make you richer if you let him _play_ as he wants. ‘’ Ao lets out a sigh in order to not roll his eyes.

-‘’ Ao told me to invite you to the wedding but I didn’t. I’m still bitter. ‘’ Haruya frankly reveals, only to watch him take a sip from his drink and give an indifferent shrug.

Lips pressed together, he sends a disappointed look to Ao before walking inside ‘’- I’ll go see what Izaya is doing. ‘’

* * *

He leans on the railing next to him. Haruya is not the only person who is bitter towards him; they stand without talking until Ao’s temper gets better of him and he asks;

-‘’ You could’ve easily found another rich family. Why Himekami? ‘’ Lines on Reiya’s face barely move when he lets out a silent chuckle;

-‘’ Is that the polite way of calling someone a gigolo? ‘’ He jokes, then gets serious. He points his finger at the majestic sakura tree across;

‘’- That’s the tree we’d spend our dates under. When I first saw her under there, she had a simple, white cotton dress on. No makeup, nothing. _She seemed like she was the only woman who didn’t need me to dress her._ As if nature had perfectly done that already. ‘’ He hooks one dark brow upwards; ‘’- I just wanted to prove otherwise. She fell in love with me. ‘’

-‘’ You can’t fight nature. ‘’ Ao tells him.

-‘’ Only took a _shintoist_ husband to turn your heart into pudding, it seems. Do you occasionally talk to spirits too? ‘’

Ignoring his comment, Ao eyes his suit. Though the design is beautiful, the fit is not the best; ‘’- Have you lost weight? ‘’

Shiki Reiya silently watches the scenery for a while, before quaffing his drink in one gulp and grimacing; ‘’- I’m sick. ‘’ He puts the glass down and adds, looking into Ao’s eyes; ‘’- Couple days ago I learned that I have AIDS. ‘’

‘’- What are you saying, Reiya? ‘’

‘’- You’re probably not in danger. But maybe get tested just in case life decides to mess with you too. ‘’

Ao grabs his arm; ‘’- How could you be so careless, _don't you know how serious this is?_ ‘’ Reiya pulls his arm back and sneers at him;

‘’- Keep your voice down. I’m dying, Shuu. But I will leave this world as a legendary designer. _Nobody_ _but you will know the truth. ‘_ ’ He gives a sigh and calms down; ‘’- I’ll fly somewhere private, you might hear me falling ill with ‘cancer’ or something; give few interviews to the media telling how great of a lover I was, huh? ‘’

Ao runs his fingers through his hair, rubbing his eyes right after; ‘’- You don’t have to die alone. Go make up with your son, it doesn’t take him too much to forgive someone. ‘’

Reiya huffs, shaking his head. Ao watches him rub his one hand along the white-painted railing, as if saying goodbye. His ring clanks on it. He then turns to leave with no intention of doing what he just said;

_‘’- Je ne regrette rien, darling mine. ‘’_

 _-‘’ Reiya. ‘’_ His name comes out as a _plead_ , Ao doesn’t let his hand go.

They stay in each other’s gazes, but the fashion designer knows better; ‘’- I never betrayed Himekami because my marriage was a lie. But yours isn’t. ‘’ He softens his gaze to an actually _familiar_ one and then winks at him, leaving Ao with no choice but to let his hand go and turn away. He leaves.

.

.

A while later, Ao closes his eyes and tilts his head back. He takes a deep breath in and meets the stars when he breathes out. Rubbing the back of his hand on his face, he takes out his phone and calls his husband.

-‘’ Shuu, hi! ‘’

-‘’ Hi. How is it going? ‘’Quickly handing the lipstick samples in his hand to someone else in the meeting room, Aka excuses himself and leaves the room;

-‘’ I went to Akane’s parents’ meeting yesterday. ‘’

Ao asks him how it went, he tells excitedly;

-‘’ She’s great— _well_ her mathematics teacher told me she draws on her test paper whenever she gets stuck on a question. But whatever. Also, I think few parents are not happy with her having two dads, I got some weird looks. ‘’

-‘’ Is it _that_ or you wore a red lipstick to the meeting? ‘’

\- ‘’ My _extremely creamy, vibrant and long-lasting persimmon red lipstick_ is no one’s business. But yes. I had a meeting after, I had to test it before that.‘’

He then bursts into laughter, and _that_ puts a smile back on Ao’s face;

-‘’ Call me when you go home, I missed my daughter’s voice already. ‘’

-‘’ Aw, Shuu. _Okay._ ‘’

* * *

_‘’- Is the baby from Huzzam, Aiki-san? ‘’_

Behind a carved rosewood door, the designer stops and pulls his hand off from the handle upon hearing that sentence. Izaya and Aiki are conversating in the living room.

Failing to leave, he listens.

Izaya continues, holding her hand politely to show he has no ill intention; ‘’ - I heard some rumours about you two leaving a nightclub together. And thinking the way he quit Haruya’s atelier... ‘’

‘’- Why are you always curious about matters that are sensitive to _us?_ -‘’ Aiki asks in an accusatory tone, but then pauses and reconsiders her sentence; ‘’- You’re family now of course, but..’’

She then nods, averting her gaze to the fireplace and placing a hand on her belly; ‘’- Yes. He didn’t want the child but couldn’t face Haruya either, so he returned to Armenia. ‘’

The designer is in a mix of emotions as he listens to his sister say; ‘’- Huzzam is talented, Haruya cares about him. I didn’t reveal him the father because he already has troubles trusting people, I didn’t want him to get heartbroken and lose that trust. ‘’

Not knowing how to respond, Haruya chews his bottom lip. _Should he call Huzzam and confront him? Or respect Aiki’s decision and pretend he didn’t hear this conversation?_ He turns his head and looks in the direction of the stairs that lead to the balcony, thinking of asking Ao for advice.

‘’- I will explain to him after the baby is born. ‘’

_He thinks he can’t rely on Ao forever_ , and waits for a while before pushing the door open and walking in as if nothing happened; ‘’- My father frustrates me so much. I can’t understand him at all. ‘’

‘’- He doesn’t want to be understood. He thinks he is beyond that. ‘’ Izaya points out. Aiki smiles to him and holds her hand out for him;

‘’- Never mind him. Would you like to feel the baby? ‘’ Giving a small tic of his head, Haruya sends a hesitant look to Izaya.

Aiki pulls him next to her and manoeuvres his hand on her belly; ‘’- No need to freak out about it, Haru. Do you feel her? Here- ‘’ The designer pulls his hand off as soon as he feels something _move_ under Aiki’s satin wear. He snuggles up next to his husband;

‘’- I think I can wait until she’s born. ‘’

The trio starts laughing.

‘’- Lovebirds. ‘’ Aiki rolls her eyes a little, watching the two hug and squeeze each other so tight that they can barely breathe.

Haruya grabs her hand and makes her join in.

* * *

**_A Year Later,_ **

Haruya is observing his models in the backstage. All of them are ready in purple chiffon dresses, soft-satin suits and other passionately created designs...

A microphone gets pushed to his face by an interviewer who has a backstage-pass _-thanks to Aka-;_

-‘’ Tell us a bit about the collection. ‘’ He cleans his throat and replies the question while fixing the folded lilac tulle on a model’s black blazer;

-‘’ Since this is my brand’s first collection, pressure was definitely on. But I am surrounded by a great team and supported by a very tolerant husband, who is actually here with me tonight despite me sleeping at the atelier for the past two weeks.. ‘’ He sends the model back after a quick hug.

The camera filming the backstage turns to model Orihara Izaya, wearing a bedazzled, orange jumpsuit from the collection. He sends a kiss towards the camera and gives a sharp smile after.

‘’ - Five minutes left! ‘’ In a gaudy red suit, Aka talks into a megaphone; ‘’- Hardworking crew and lovely models of _Atelier Himekami_ , are we all ready for a dazzling show! ‘’

Standing next to each other, Dunia and Muugi join to the backstage crowd yelling back enthusiastically. At the same time Natsuki and Lin are running across the room in panic, carrying a peony-purple fabric in their arms to fix the tail of another model’s dress.

Giving claps of encouragement, the designer walks towards the beaming models. A camera follows him and immortalizes this moment;

‘’- Thank you all for being amazing people. If I am able to reveal this colourful and elegant collection tonight, I owe it to you people trusting me and my ability to create meaningful designs; as a reflection of my own life. ‘’

He gives a bow; ‘’- I’d say good luck but you don’t need it, you are all perfect. ‘’ With his heart racing, he walks to the curtain separating the podium from the backstage and parts it open, inviting bright spotlights;

‘’- Let’s show them, girls. ‘’

The camera shows the models leaving for the podium one after another. Their jewelled shoes sparkle with every precise step and tiaras ascend to salute the crowd with their magnificence. Then it turns to the designer watching them walk, with his head tilted and gaze adoring.

-‘’ Do you have anything to say? ‘’ The interviewer asks.

- _‘’ I’ve felt it all, my designs can do the speaking for me. ‘’_ He holds Izaya’s hand when he stands next to him.

He looks at the camera;

‘’- Thank you for joining us in the chaotic backstage of Atelier Himekami’s Fall/Winter 2021 collection. ‘’ He turns to Izaya; ‘’- Shall we reveal the name of the collection together? ‘’

Izaya nods and they say it at once,

‘’ _Daydreams in New York ‘’_

**_The End._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading Daydreams in New York. I hope it made you feel something. I initally wrote a huge ''last word from the author'' where I explained the liberties I took with.. characterizations and storytelling. But the story is over and it is what it is in the end. It turned out exactly how I envisioned and I truly love it. My favorite chapter is still the third chapter and the weakest is probably the seventh chapter. Also, the title ''Daydreams in New York'' is inspired from Green Hills Alone - Daydream in Milan song. I planned the whole story in my head the first time I listened to it.
> 
> I will come back to this story and improve it, for sure. But for now, thank you for taking the time to read :) What is next? Um.. I need to deal with some *OnLinE FiNals* and then I have some Aoshiki fics planned. However I am still a bit.. disheartened by the recent events, despite the immensely kind support I've received. We'll see. Stay safe.


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